Scuttlebutt 2.0

(Again, I bring you short dispatches from Twitter. I left these verbatim, with hashtags and all. Bear in mind the nature of this feature -- it's all scuttlebutt. Links are provided for those tweets that tie in to a news story or blog. Enjoy!)

littlebytesnews: RT @leahita:"Drs Speak Out Agnst Govt Contrlld Medicine."(VID) http://3.ly/ybM #tcot #tlot #C4L #hc09 [you'd think Congress wld listen??]

JimDeMint: There's a very disturbing trend from this administration in favor of secrecy and against transparency.

littlebytesnews: TPO_News:PETA Killed 95% of Adoptable Pets in its Care During 2008 http://bit.ly/zX15U #tcot [wow that's terrible,so much 4 animal rights?]

the_old_geek: "Every day you've got to get up and play hard."Jeff Immelt

JTlol: If a Democrat's teenage son got a girl pregnant & she went on to pose for Playboy, how many minutes would she get on the CBS Early Show?

Infidel007: RT @Drudge_Report: Boehner: '1,990 Pages Of Bureaucracy'... http://tinyurl.com/ygd9yo4

JTlol: Does Anita Dunn not know the difference between Mao Tse-tung and Sun Tzu, or does she just think the rest of us don't? http://j.mp/4jDN6L

Infidel007: RT @heidilore: Swine Flu paranoia getting out of hand!! http://twitpic.com/htwqn

coutpost: Organ Thieves, Hyperfeminized Football & White House Maoists http://cli.gs/8Ah8t #tcot #politics

JTlol: Dude, Where's My Czar? Or: Harold & Kumar Speak Truth to Power By Misusing Federal Agencies for Political Purposes: http://bit.ly/1YPFBD

Someguynamedpat: Govt never reduces itself. Govt progrms nvr disappr. A govt bureau is t nearest thing to eternl life we'll ever see.. http://bit.ly/XRo08 RR

Someguynamedpat: Is health care overhaul constitutional? http://ow.ly/x9yC Constitutionality of health overhaul questioned http://ow.ly/x9yF

thejobsguy: Companies Ready to Unfreeze Salaries; Retention Worries Increase ... http://tinyurl.com/ykzgjqw

JTlol: But then, the new guy has really lowered the bar, hasn't he? http://j.mp/3SkWj2

littlebytesnews: okay ppl, spammers R out again,just got 2 dm's from ppl I know w/ "this U on hre?" &a link....spam i'm sure!! B careful!(via @PlusSizeMommy)

Akos_Fintor: JFK knew exactly what was coming that's why he was taken out http://bit.ly/S6Iu2

Paceset9999: RT @leahita: MANDATORY VACCINATIONS? TELL FEDS & STATES TO 'STICK IT' by Devvy Kidd! http://3.ly/c5Q #H1N1 #novacs

angelsbuzztap: The Orange County Register >> Angels: Now what? http://bit.ly/2cqJDu

(Shameless plug: Of course I'm on Twitter ... follow me.)

Site shows how to do home-shot Botox treatments

For years I've joked about do-it-yourself surgery as a possible solution to the escalating costs of health care. And everything I say on the subject is just that: A joke. Not to be taken seriously. Got it?

OK. With that said, there's a Website that allegedly shows the DIY'er how to do his own Botox treatments (which usually involve injections into the face) to beat the signs of aging and the high cost of treatment:

... Wired.com looks into a site that seems to offer clients the drugs and tutorials to do just that. Video how-to demos show how to inject the drug, derived from botulinum toxin, into one's own face ...

And:

Discountmedspa sells a variety of other DIY cosmetic treatments, including prescription Renova, and lip-filling gels. The botulinum toxin-derivative for sale on the site is Dysport, produced by the pharmaceutical company Ipsen and is a competitor of Allergan’s Botox. The site simply calls it "the Freeze."

If you're dumb enough to try this, don't tell me about it. Please.

(Photo from Wired. I have no idea who the fool is.)

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Growing older beats the alternative, but has its glitches

I love this! Thanks, Dad!

Observations on Growing Older
• It's harder to tell navy from black.
• Everything old is new again, but if you wore it before, you're too old to wear it the 2nd time around.
• Your kids are becoming you -- and you don't like them, but your grandchildren are perfect!
• Yellow becomes the big color -- walls, hair, teeth.
• Going out is good; coming home is better!
• When people say you look "Great", they add, "for your age"!
• When you needed the discount you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything -- movies, hotels, flights.
• You forget names, but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you.
• The last 2 outfits you wore had spots on them.
• You ask your husband or friend how your outfit looks, and they tell you the truth.
• The five pounds you wanted to lose is now 15, and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.
• You realize you're never going to be really good at anything -- especially golf.
• Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.
• The things you cared to do, you don't care to do, but you care that you don't care to do them anymore.
• Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring then he does in bed. It's called his "pre-sleep".
• Remember when your mother said "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"? Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident.
• You used to say, "I hope my kids GET married; now it's, "I hope they STAY married!"
• Who wants to wear 3" heels anyway?
• You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.
• When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem were unheard of and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.
• You use more 4 letter words -- "what?"..."when?"
• Your husband has a night out with the guys but he's home by 9:00 P.M.; next week it will be 8:30 P.M.
• You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.
• Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?
• Many of the people in People Magazine you've never heard of.
• What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
• Everybody whispers.
• You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet, 2 of which you will never wear again.
• But old is good in some things -- old songs, old movies, and best of all -- old friends!

Trust me. Even though I'm a mere pup of 51, I can relate to some of this stuff.

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Notes from the readers ... capitalism debate

I had a couple of comments on the post "Barney Frank wants government bank seizures made easy", and I feel I must link to them here.

Both are from someone named Anonymous (this guy sure gets around, kind of like the way Fallen Rock is seen on road signs everywhere) raising questions about greed, capitalism, and misplaced priorities. The second comment, well, I felt the need request he cool his language (I counted five F-bombs and who knows what else -- maybe it was the same person after a few drinks?), so I'm warning you now.

But Anonymous #1 and #2 raise some interesting points, especially in light of my own views.

Feel free to join the debate ...

Internet reaches middle age, though not many realize it

(Screenshot: Browsers old -- Lynx -- and new -- Firefox 3.5.3. Lynx was my go-to browser when I first went on the Internet in 1996.)

Published in The Workbench, Reloaded

Although few had even heard of this Internet thing (then known as the "information superhighway" until the early or mid-1990s, it got its real start 40 years ago this week.

It was Oct. 29, 1969 when the first two nodes of ARPANET were interconnected between UCLA’s School of Engineering and Applied Science and SRI International (SRI) in Menlo Park, California. And unless you were one of the guys on the inside, you really didn't know or care.

I was a bit of a late adopter. It was 1996 when I used a noisy modem to link into an Internet provider in a nearby city. My computer was an old Leading Edge XP, with an 8088 processor, Hercules graphics card, DOS 5, and 2400-bytes-per-second modem. I used Procomm to link up, and the text-only Lynx browser to surf ... more

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They vote and reproduce: Reenactor's cannon works

History buff launches blast from the past

Imagine this guy's surprise when his homemade cannon actually worked. His neighbor, though, wasn't terribly amused.

From Boing Boing:

Civil War enthusiast William Maser, 54, accidentally fired a cannonball into his neighbor's house and is now being charged with a felony count of discharging a firearm into an occupied structure ... that's in addition to the charges of reckless endangerment, criminal mischief and disorderly conduct that he was already facing for this incident ... what I'm really curious about is Mr. Maser's first reaction to the effectiveness of his homemade cannon ...

I've hung around a number of history buffs and reenactors -- a few out here in South Carolina who relive battles from the War Between The States, and a group of Old West-style gunfighters in Arizona (the latter even talked of having me make a cameo appearance in one of their Main Street gunfights). But one of the cardinal rules of reenactors is this: Don't use live ammo.

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Booze and jealousy don't mix

You probably heard about that man and woman in Nevada who were pinned in their bed for more than an hour by a car that drove through the wall and landed on top of them. They were extremely fortunate that they got away with no more than minor injuries.

So how did this happen?

According to CNN, the driver was drunk. OK, that's almost a given. But in that state of mind, he thought he'd surprise his ex-girlfriend and her new man before plowing into the wrong house.

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Did you notice anything unusual about him ...?

This crime was easy to solve ...

From the Associated Press:

AP - Police said a one-legged suspect was caught after only one shoe went missing in a store in Belgium. An amputee was an immediate suspect when a store attendant found one shoe missing from a shop in the western Belgian town of Maldegem. Police spokesman Rik Decraemer said Monday authorities were alerted and quickly found the man who fit the description by shopkeepers. The shoe was also recovered.

Many cops I know would have attributed the arrest to "outstanding detective work." Yeah.

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Governator's veto letter: A coded curse?

Love him or hate him (and the numbers are suggesting more of the latter these days) California Gov Arnold Schwarzenegger does bring his share of local color to the garden party.

Take a look at the first letter of each line of The Governator's letter blasting the state legislature -- there's a lot more to the story than just the official language in the missive.

A spokesman for Schwarzenegger swears there's nothing to this letter, that it's mere coincidence. Sure. And I'm gonna play the lead in the next Terminator movie.

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How to pick out an email scam? Site outlines 10 ways

I've spent a bit of time looking at some of the nefarious things that can find themselves on your computer courtesy of the Internet. You can get bad programs, spyware, viruses, and some eerie email at the click of a mouse.

What with the speed and ease with which one can send off mass emails, the scammer has all the tools he needs to separate many people from their dollars. And you've probably seen a few of these messages showing up in your inbox -- maybe even a few this week.

From switched.com, here are 10 red flags that the email you've received is probably a scam:

Look for things like requests for personal information, lots of misspellings, clickable Web links, innocent-sounding surveys, that "hot tip" you don't remember requesting, unsolicited attachments,and you-must-act-now pitches.

From Switched:

If you see the phrases "verify your account," "you have won the lottery" or "if you don't respond within XX hours, your account will be closed," it's a scam – every time. Hit the delete button and don't look back.

Like:

5. Stock tips from random people or companies
Got a "hot stock tip" via e-mail? It's probably a "pump and dump" scheme. The sender already owns shares – and when you and others act on the "tip," the stock price soars and he sells fast – leaving you with virtually worthless shares.

Or:

9. Red-flag phrases
If you see the phrases "verify your account," "you have won the lottery" or "if you don't respond within XX hours, your account will be closed," it's a scam – every time. Hit the delete button and don't look back.

These are some you should delete, kill, whatever you do with them.

It's a jungle out there. But then you already knew that.

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Scuttlebutt ...

(This is a new feature of short dispatches from Twitter. These are almost verbatim; some editing was done for spelling and style, but the content remains. I can't vouch for the veracity of anything here -- hey, this is the Internet -- so that explains why I call it "scuttlebutt." Links are provided for those tweets that tie in to a news story or blog. Enjoy!)

Infidel007: SF could soon ban cat declawing in the city. SF is so weird. lol http://bit.ly/JiO4A

xarker: Now Facebook comes in two flavors: "Too much information," and "Stuff you read yesterday." Good job team!

infowarsstories: The LAPD fights crime, not illegal immigration: Los Angeles Times | Illegal Immigration is not crime? http://bit.ly/ifDSe

prespolitics: TPM Election Central: GOP Calls On Obama To Condemn Grayson's 'Whore' Remark http://bit.ly/VIFbY Full http://bit.ly/twV0y

(Shameless plug: Of course I'm on Twitter ... follow me.)

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Cockroaches are too efficient to PP

(This one's going out to my brother Rick, who turns 56 today. He loves this kind of useless information even more than I do. Happy birthday, Rick!)

* * *

I can't stand them, especially when they take over my kitchen and require more than one bullet to kill them. But I still have to marvel at the cockroach.

They can live anywhere, on nothing. I used to argue that they would be the one species that would survive a nuclear holocaust, an environmental disaster, fire, flood, famine, or asteroid strike. Even high-grade poison might kill off the first generation, but the second generation would tap dance in it.

I'm not a cat owner, but that animal amazes me because of its incredible quickness and balance (the tail acts as a counterweight). Mice, I understand, cannot burp or pass gas. Ants can carry many times their own weight and never break a sweat. But let's give the lowly cucaracha its due. If you want a survival machine, that's it.

What is it about the common cockroach? Its metabolism is so efficient it doesn't even urinate. This is according to Wired (and watch out for the popup ad that races across the screen like a ... well ...):

... researchers who sequenced the Blattabacterium genome have found that it converts waste into molecules necessary for a roach to survive. Every cockroach is a testimony to the power of recycling — thanks to their microbes, they don’t even need to pee ... “Blattabacterium can produce all of the essential amino acids, various vitamins, and other required compounds from a limited palette of metabolic substrates,” write entomologists in a study published Monday in the researchers have known that cockroaches need the microbes to survive: Kill Blattabacterium with antibiotics, and the insects die. They also knew that roaches store excess nitrogen — one of life’s essential elements, needed to make proteins, amino acids and DNA — inside their bodies, in tiny deposits of uric acid. But researchers didn’t know exactly what became of the uric acid after it was stored, or precisely what Blattabacterium did ...

Wow ... they can live in spilled coffee or even in puddles of beer, and never even need to run to the bathroom ...

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Barney Frank wants government bank seizures made easy

Within the last few days, we saw the 100th bank go toes up since the economy tanked a year ago.

Congressman Barney Frank said he will introduce legislation making it easier for the government to seize any banks considered "too big to fail." This is from the New York Times, by way of MSNBC:

Setting up the equivalent of living wills for corporations, that plan would require that they come up with their own procedure to be disentangled in the event of a crisis, a plan that administration officials say ought to be made public in advance ... "These changes will impose market discipline on the largest and most interconnected companies," said Michael S. Barr, assistant Treasury secretary for financial institutions. One of the biggest changes the plan would make, he said, is that instead of being controlled by creditors, the process is controlled by the government ... some regulators and economists in recent weeks have suggested that the administration’s plan does not go far enough. They say that the government should consider breaking up the biggest banks and investment firms long before they fail, or at least impose strict limits on their trading activities — steps that the administration continues to reject.

Let's see. The federal government is in the car manufacturing business. It was in the auto-junking business with that "Cash For Clunkers" program. It's trying to get in the medical business. And the banking business.

These are the same guys who got into the insurance business (Social Security), mail delivery (the Postal Service), and trying to get the trains to run on time (AMTRAK). And ran each of these into the ground.

Busy, busy, busy ...

What is our government's legitimate business? Once you cut through all the chaff, you could write it on the back of a business card: Protecting our rights, mediating our disputes, and protecting us from foreign invasion. And at least two of these it's not doing very well.

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Facebook password-reset email carries a virus

(Cross-posted in The Workbench, Reloaded)

Sheesh!

These writers of viruses and other nefarious code will stop at nothing to spread the love. But while you can see many viruses coming a mile away, I understand this one looks official.

This one, a Trojan horse dubbed Bredolab, comes dressed up as a "Password Reset Confirmation Email" from Facebook. In the email you click on the link to -- you think -- get your new password. That's when the fun -- if you can call it that -- starts. That link downloads system-destroying files, such as rogue "anti-spyware" programs that inject their own spyware, into your computer.

Considering some of the problems Facebook has been encountering -- partly from increased traffic and partly from its own recent redesign, this email almost sounds plausible.

I haven't seen this one myself; I got the details from Mashable! and MXLab.

According to MXLab, here's the body of the message:

Hey vguysville ,

Because of the measures taken to provide safety to our clients, your password has been changed.
You can find your new password in attached document.

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

Here's the drill. If you see something like this from Facebook, watch out. It's probably not from Facebook. Bear this in mind:

- If you didn't request a password change from Facebook, you have no reason to receive a reset confirmation. Don't bother opening it; dispose of it immediately.

Enjoy your computer, don't be skeered of the virus bogeyman, but be wary when you go online. Cool?

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H1N1: The real deal, or is it just hype?

Every year we get a version of the flu making the rounds. But this one, the H1N1 Virus or "swine flu," is doing a fine job of scaring everyone.

Folks are taking unusual precautions. Hand sanitizer is flying off store shelves. You can go on YouTube and get crash courses on how to sneeze properly (do it in your sleeve). Bodily contact is out. Flu shots are in. And Barack Obama declared a national emergency last week.

This declaration allows Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebilius "to temporarily waive or modify certain requirements" to help squash the flu bug, to limit its spread, or at least to help health care facilities install emergency plans. This also could expand the role of FEMA, the Federal Emergency Management Agency, although it's a little early to tell what that would be.

One emergency plan already is drawing a bunch of flak. In New York, health care workers are required to take their flu shots, and many are bucking the trend and making a movement out of it. Some of the workers have been massing in the state capital of Albany, protesting the statewide edict that all health care workers be vaccinated.

Meanwhile, folks are preparing for the virus. That alcohol-based hand sanitizer is a hot commodity. Some churches are foregoing the brotherly hug in favor of a handshake or friendly nod. And people are wondering if there's enough flu vaccine to go around.

On the official level, Senators Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) and Claire McCaskill (D-Mo) are saying that whatever resources Obama needs to manage emergency response in the flu epidemic, he should have.

Despite all the buzz and dire predictions, H1N1 is showing itself to be all sizzle and no steak. Since April, "millions" have been infected in the United States, according to Centers For Disease Control (CDC) director Dr. Thomas Frieden. At least 20,000 were hospitalized and more than 1,000 died.

But then, according to the CDC (I got these numbers from the World Almanac), various influenza viruses will hospitalize 200,000 and kill about 36,000 people in the United States every year. That's every year.

Stacked up against these numbers, this begs the question: How much of H1N1 is hype, and how much is the real deal?

Depends on who you ask. The World Health Organization seems to be playing this on potential, and the flu pandemic of 1918 is held up as the ultimate. And, yeah, the 1918 "bird flu" was a heavy one. It started as something relatively mild, mutated into something deadlier, and ended up killing millions worldwide over two flu seasons.

But in 1918 we didn't have hand sanitizer. We didn't have climate control, which is a factor. And we didn't have all those good drugs we have now. Attempting to make a comparison is a weak reed to lean on.

I've never had a flu shot, and I don't intend to start now. But I am taking my own precautions. Things like washing my hands every so often. Taking Vitamin C. Eating well, getting exercise, all the standard stuff.

I'm not scared, and I'm not buying into the H1N1 hysteria either.

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Airline fiasco: It's the laptop's fault

It wasn't like missing your freeway offramp. But you've no doubt heard plenty about those pilots who missed a whole city.

OK, what's 150 miles or so?

There was plenty of speculation about how they could have missed their Minneapolis destination with the radio calling them. They were asleep. They were debating airline policy.

After being grilled earlier this week, the truth came out: They were on their laptops.

They were so distracted they didn't get their heads back into the game until the tower called them and asked if they were thinking of bringing the plane down sometime that day.

The pilots said they brought their laptops on previous flights, in violation of company rules.

I originally thought the initial speculation that the pilots were so deep in a discussion of company policies that they forgot the job at hand was the right one. Really. I've worked for companies where that kind of stuff happens. But with the laptops entering the picture, then the whole thing makes a lot more sense.

Right now I'm sitting at my laptop, writing this, and if the house burned down around me I might notice later, like if a blazing chunk of ceiling lands on my screen. And if I'm doing something mentally taxing -- like bringing this laptop back to life after I destroyed a couple of system files -- I might not even notice then. But then I'm the same way when reading, when listening to music, or having a conversation. But playing with a computer -- even if it's something lightweight like FreeCell -- requires a whole extra level of concentration that you just might forget something important.

Like landing a plane.

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On The Workbench: Laptop is back up, officially

As published in The Workbench, Reloaded

I can say it now: The laptop is back among the living ... most of my software is back up. I've knocked off most of my to-do list. I'm writing this column on it, and soon I will upload it and download email and news. I'm extremely pleased. One of the things I noticed is that, with the new configuration ...

Bringing the outdoors inside

This was kind of cool.

I'm an outdoors kind of guy, especially when the weather is nice. Usually I'm doing my work out on the patio, or in the living room with the door propped open.

So a bird flew in this afternoon. A cardinal. Made one circuit in the living room, hit the closed window on the other side, and flew back out the door. Well, howdey there!

Lovin' days like this.

Bringing the outdoors inside

This was kind of cool.

I'm an outdoors kind of guy, especially when the weather is nice. Usually I'm doing my work out on the patio, or in the living room with the door propped open.

So a bird flew in this afternoon. A cardinal. Made one circuit in the living room, hit the closed window on the other side, and flew back out the door. Well, howdey there!

Lovin' days like this.

After premature computer death, I'm back

I just love this technology, but it sure can bite you on the butt.

I have no numbers to back up my claim, but I'm certain that the more dependent you are on technology, the harder the bite. It's that same law that dictates that when you drop a slice of pizza, the chances of it landing with the messy side down are directly related to the cost of the carpet.

No two ways about it. Much of my life flows through the ether of the Internet, though a bunch of silicon chips, through a bunch of binary code.

A part of my own restless personality is my inability to leave things alone, and that's what happened with my computer. I was experimenting, fiddeled where I should have faddled, and crisped the system. What's worse was that this laptop runs on Windows XP, a decent system but one that doesn't lend itself to experimenting and is beyond my level of expertise to fix when I screw things up.

Still with me? Good. For a few days I was more or less indisposed. I was running the computer through a quick-and-dirty operating system running off a thumb drive.

As I write this, I am pulling the system back together. I nos have a Linux system installed on my hard drive, and can boot it up without a lot of real fancy gymnastics. I have most of my programs in place. About the only thing left is getting a news feed (RSS) reader running, and I'm testing that now. This is probably the most important tool I use, because I download many news feeds and read them offline, and the feed reader allows me to organize all the news I read. Through the RSS reader, I check more than 1,000 headlines from more than 100 news sources and blogs daily, and it's a huge part of my online research.

I still haven't figured how to share my RSS feeds between my laptop and desktop -- will probably need to get a router and network them, but that's another project for another day.

That's the Cliffs Notes version of my fixes. For more detail (especially if you're the ubergeek who can't leave stuff alone), I posted that in The Workbench, Reloaded.

Seems the job market is strong he you're an ex-community organizer. Hear they're red-hot right now.
~ E

NW Air pilots say they were discussing company policy & missed the airport. Which sounds plausible.
~ E

Comedian Soupy Sales dies. I didn't know he was still around. He had to have been 900 years old by now.
~ E

BBC: Humpty Dumpty doesn't make a splattering mess

Y'all remember how it goes? ...

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall ...

And what happened next?

Whatever it was, the BBC decided it was just too disturbing for young minds:

... in a revised version of the nursery rhyme that aired recently on the British Broadcasting Corporation's children's channel CBeebies, the tale - which first appeared in print in 1810 - no longer ends with "all the king's horses and all the king's men/Couldn't put Humpty together again". Now, a crack squadron of His Majesty's finest hard-boiled military personnel has found the recipe to "make Humpty happy again" ...

No wonder we're raising a generation of wussies. The BBC has decided the mess that resulted from Humpty's fall -- brains? egg yolks? -- was just too disturbing for young minds to comprehend, so they felt the need to rewrite the poem to protect these children from something nightmarish.

In the nursery rhyme, Humpty Dumpty was a really benign character. A jolly, gaily-dressed egg-shaped character perched on his wall. At least that's what I remembered. Then, I read about Humpty in Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, and realized he had a dark side. A mean-spirited troll who verbally crossed swords with Alice. I can't forget those immortal words of his:

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."

See, The Humpster (Dumpster?) wrote the book on modern politics, and on modern news reporting. Not to mention our modern thinking: Hang the facts, the truth is whatever I want it to be. And that thinking is an elemental reason why we're so screwed up, but that's another rant for another day.

It was that other side of Humpty Dumpty that disturbed me as a child, not his horrible accident. But then I came to realize his falling off the wall was really no great loss.

The truth is out: Humpty Dumpty was pushed.

GOP says DeMint watching those pennies like a ... what?

Maybe it's the South Carolina sun softening the skull and affecting the brain. But another pair of political types ended up with feet firmly implanted in their mouths with comments about Jews.

What's funny is that Republican Party chairmen James S. Ulmer Jr., who heads the Orangeburg County GOP, and Edwin O. Merwin Jr., who leads the Bamberg County GOP, meant it as a compliment when they likened Sen. Jim DeMint's (R-SC) fiscal conservatism to the old stereotype of the penny-pinching Jew.

"There is a saying that the Jews who are wealthy got that way not by watching dollars, but instead by taking care of the pennies and the dollars taking care of themselves," they wrote in a letter to the editor of The Orangeburg Times & Democrat Sunday. "By not using earmarks to fund projects for South Carolina and instead using actual bills, DeMint is watching our nation’s pennies and trying to preserve our country’s wealth and our economy’s viability to give all an opportunity to succeed."

And of course that's when things got real interesting. The national media is having a high old time. This letter to the editor attracted the attention of CNN, lefty websites (The Huffington Post, Talking Points Memo, Daily Kos), the real alternative sites (Raw Story). State senator Joel Lourie, a Democrat and one of South Carolina's two Jewish lawmakers, rebuked the two on Monday, calling them "individuals who unapologetically espouse racist and stereotypical attitudes." He asked Karen Floyd, the state GOP chairwoman, to denounce the comments -- which she has done. In addition, Republican Jewish Coalition head Matthew Brooks blasted the pair, saying their comments "have done a tremendous disservice to their party."

DeMint took exception to Ullmer's and Merwin's letter. "The comments were thoughtless and hurtful," DeMint told CNN Tuesday. "The chairmen have apologized as they should have."

In his apology, Ullmer said he "quoted a statement which I have heard many times in my life, truly in admiration for a method of bettering one's lot in life ... I meant absolutely nothing derogatory by the reference to a great and honorable people. I hope that anyone and all who were offended by my comment will accept my humble apology."

The two wrote their letter in response to South Carolina State Rep. Bakari Sellers, who said DeMint was doing a poor job bringing in federal dollars for projects in South Carolina.

I mentioned The Daily Kos, a blog that, well, makes Barack Obama and Bill Ayres look like a bunch of far-right Neanderthals. The Kos writers seem to get their jollies seeing just how incendiary they can get, and here's how that site sees the whole incident:   

Obviously, Merwin and Ulmer used the anti-Semitic stereotype to praise DeMint, but that doesn't excuse their words. The depiction of Jews as misers is an offensive stereotype that has been used throughout history to fan the flames of anti-Semitism. If they weren't aware of this, then they are genuinely clueless; if they were aware of it, they are bigots.

Puh-leeeeze! (I don't know why I bothered to run this quote, unless it was just to illustrate how intolerance can run both directions.)

Actually, this incident is kind of refreshing, though in a perverse way. In the past few years -- and especially since the November election -- party lines have been even more clearly drawn than before. Ideology trumps everything else. It's become more and more unusual to see someone criticizing a person in his own party. And, after all the strangeness going on in the South Carolina political scene over the past few months, we could use some low comedy.

Meanwhile, this doesn't do much to rehabilitate the image of South Carolinians as a bunch of backward country boys. And those who "ain't from around here" are looking at this incident -- especially after Gov. Mark Sanford's non-hike of the Appalachian Trail and Joe "You Lie" Wilson's outburst at President Barack Obama -- and undoubtedly wondering if those rumors of inbreeding are true.

###

You tell me: What is it about my home state of South Carolina? Are there some horribly twisted family trees in SC politics? Is there a sane politician anywhere? Use the comments section for feedback.

Rainy day reading: Health Reform Bill text available

Any of y'all who have a) a lot of time and b) much patience with the half-breed English they use in the halls of Congress may find this interesting reading. It's the text of Senate Bill 1796, the Senate's version of the health reform bill.

A couple of tidbits about it:

• It weighs in at 1,502 pages.
• A bunch of lobbyists wrote it.
• If you read it, you're probably ahead of any of our senators. So far I have yet to hear from one who actually read the whole thing, cover to cover.

If you're able to make any sense of it, let me know. Enjoy.

And if you want to scream at your senator or congressman (or to ask him if he read the bill, heh-heh), this website lists their phone numbers and email addresses.

###

On The Workbench: How to get rid of scareware

Scareware a big business, but fake virus 'protection' can be removed

... viruses and spyware are a real concern when you spend any time on the Internet, and some people are feeding on your fears for big bucks ... but while there are quite a few legitimate anti-virus programs out there, there are more that not only do not get rid of your viruses and malware, but install more of the same on your hard drive ... According to the BBC, "online criminals make millions of pounds by convincing computer users to download fake anti-virus software." Which translates into an awful lot of dollars, not to mentioned the number of computers that are trashed by this cottage industry ...

They vote and reproduce: DIY circumcisions, Bernie's back

I've mentioned the concept of home surgeries in previous posts, but only as a joke. Anything I say in that regard, do not take seriously ...

According to the Toronto Sun, this guy is oh-for-two on do-it-yourself circumcisions ... one on his son, and earlier, on (gasp) himself:

... the boy's father, who subscribes to a religious philosophy that incorporates Hebrew elements, previously tried to circumcise himself and also had to seek medical help... Court heard he put his son on the floor on some clean garbage bags and towels, with Band-Aids and a veterinary powder used to stop bleeding standing by... The man tried to drug his young son with wine and told him lie still, but he apparently jerked during the procedure, causing the man's hand to slip while cutting the foreskin ...

We will have to pause for a big Ouch!

Obviously, his surgical technique still needs work. Volunteers, anyone?

###

Bernie rides again, for Halloween

One of my favorite guilty pleasures was that movie, "Weekend At Bernie's," the one where the dead guy turns out to be a world-class party animal, travelin' man, and celebrated Lothario. Of course I saw the original and the sequel several times, and if I knew another "Weekend" was coming out I'd see that too.

But Bernie, or a reasonable 75-year-old facsimile lives on. Or something. This is according to the L.A. Times (through Boing Boing), and this is one of those things I can't make up:

... the body of a 75-year-old LA area man who died Monday sat decomposing on his balcony for four days because his neighbors figured the corpse was part of a Halloween display ... he died of a single gunshot wound to the eye ... neighbors on the 13900 block of Bora Bora Way told Raishbrook that they noticed the body Monday "but didn't bother calling authorities because it looked like a Halloween dummy," he said. "The body was in plain view of the entire apartment complex [and] they all didn't do anything," Raishbrook said. "It's very strange. It did look unreal, to be honest."

###

They Vote And Reproduce: Balloon family and others

(In the interest of readability and to keep this blog more or less cleaned up, I will regularly present a roundup of some of the more, well, bizarre news stories making the rounds. It's called "They Vote And Reproduce" partly to remind you that they really do walk among us.)

Yesterday we held our breath while waiting for a balloon to land. And exhaled slowly when we learned a six-year-old boy was not aboard.

Since then, there have been more questions than answers about the family of Falcon Heene, the youngster who was later found hiding in the attic.

While this was going on yesterday afternoon, the Internet was alive with dispatches -- some even true -- about the incident. One only has to go to Twitter to get a handle on how closely people watched everything. Nothing beats a six-year-old child in extreme danger to whet the public appetite.

But there was an air of incredulity about it all. A number of people suggested a story of an airborne child named Falcon -- that's just to bizarre to be true. Although local law enforcement officials say it's probably not a hoax, they still have a lot of questions of the Heene family.

It got stranger, especially when the youngster blurted out to CNN's Wolf Blitzer that they were doing this for "the show." There are a few other revelations you may or may not have heard:

- The boy's parents had acted (I guess that's what you call it) in at least one reality TV series. Shoot, the whole family is a walking reality show of its own.

- The family was seriously into storm chasing and strange scientific experiments. So if you hear of Colorado graveyards being plundered for parts, local authorities may want to give them a jingle.

*****

Not doing the dog any favor

McClellanville is a little village just a sniff down Highway 17 from Charleston, and it's country. It's one of those places where Charleston County's animal control department is not really welcome, and people let their dogs run untethered. The town is small enough that everyone knows everyone else, and knows one another's dogs.

So this guy out there is driving and hits a dog. Thinking him severely injured and wanting to put him out of its misery, he starts whaling on him with ... a borrowed hammer and machete. Another man then arrived on the scene, took the weapons, and used them to beat the fool out of the driver.

Both men were arrested. The dog? Last I heard, he was alive and doing OK.

*****

I usually call this 'pain'

This is from the Charleston Post & Courier:

An 89-year-old Huger man who last month told deputies that someone entered his mobile home and sliced his throat during a robbery has admitted that his wounds were self-inflicted, authorities said Wednesday ...

Isn't whacking yourself over the head with a hammer a lot easier? Mind you, neither method of self-inflicted injury is very convincing, but I'm just wondering ...

*****

Is this what you call a 'pot head'?

In Central Pennsylvania, a man found out how to not get rid of his dope. Police say he had it under his ball cap, and when he removed it he couldn't find his stuff.

Well, of course not. It wasn't in his cap any more -- it was stuck to his forehead. In front of a cop.

It almost makes sense. With his stash stuck to his forehead, he couldn't see it. However, it doesn't mean no one else can.

*****

Bragging on Facebook, Part 3,963

Fugitives of the world, take note: If you’re having the time of your life hanging out in Cancun, you probably shouldn’t brag about it on Facebook. And you definitely shouldn’t add an ex-Justice Department official as a friend. Take it from Maxi Sopo, a 26-year-old who had spent the last...

*****

Colorado boy-with-balloon incident is looking more like a cheap publicity stunt.
~ E

South and North, explained

I love this ... my older brother sent this along, and it does explain a lot -- especially for those of you who, through accident of birth or lack of travel opportunities, never made it to the South.

(Rick, by the way, was raised in southern California like I was, but except for a few years in Florida -- which is NOT the South no matter what anyone tells you -- he's settled in upstate New York. Beautiful country, but there's lots of snow and the folks there, well, they talk different.)

The difference between the north and south.

The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly explained....

The North has Bloomingdale's , the South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45's

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.

North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH......

In the South : --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.

Disclaimer: In the headline, I called it "South and North," which is the correct way of putting it.

At 99, John Wooden is still as relevant as ever

John Wooden, who coached basketball players like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Gail Goodrich, and Bill Walton on NCAA championship teams, turns 99 today.

It took 15 years of coaching the UCLA Bruins for Wooden to win his first NCAA title; after that he never really stopped. An unprecedented 10 NCAA titles, seven of them in a row (from 1967 to 1973). Five undefeated teams. And he closed out his college coaching career in 1975 with his10th title.

To find a coach who even comes close to Wooden's record, you'd have to go to women's basketball, where University of Tennessee's Pat Summitt, coach of the Lady Vols, has eight and counting. In men's basketball, Adolph Rupp of the University of Kentucky, has four -- and I think they still needed to have some guy fish the ball out of the peach basket after each score then.

Wooden coached some real characters during a changeable era of our history -- the late 60s and early 70s. Abdul-Jabbar, then known as Lew Alcindor, was a 7-foot stringbean with some incredible game and a lot of anger in him. And Walton, during his early career with the Portland Trail Blazers, became something of a counterculture hero because of his ponytail, mountain-goat beard, vegetarian diet, and radical politics.

Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson earned his props for being able to coach Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, the uncoachable Dennis Rodman and a handful of role players into an NBA championship team. Wooden did the same thing with his Bruins decades earlier.

He still has gas in his tank, as Times reporter T.J. Simers wrote a few months ago:

This morning's breakfast will go on for three hours, Wooden unable to shake his visitor, the line a long one day after day for others also wanting some of his time ... New York Giants Coach Tom Coughlin was here a few weeks ago, a USC assistant football coach is the latest to call seeking a meeting ... as for Wooden, he would still like "to have dinner with both Joe Torre and Mike Scioscia," even making a concession, and saying they wouldn't have to eat turkey. He loves his baseball, all right, and his channel turner, stopping for Perry Mason, and every Saturday parking on the westerns, which got him an invite to meet Clint Eastwood on the set of " Changeling," Eastwood directing Angelina Jolie. "A very lovely woman," Wooden says with a smile. "Those lips are something." Like he said, he's not dead.

He's always been a class act. Equal parts motivational speaker, and basketball coach, one of the foundations of his teaching is the Pyramid of Success. He's also noted for his philosophical quotes about life and sportsmanship, such as: "Failure is not fatal but failure to change might be."

Some more Woodenisms:

"Young people need models, not critics."

"The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team."

"Learn as if you were to live forever; live as if you were to die tomorrow."

"Talent is God given; be humble. Fame is man given; be thankful. Conceit is self given; be careful."

"Ability is a poor man's wealth."

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."

"Don't give up on your dreams, or your dreams will give up on you."

Wrestler had nice second career - in music videos

Pro wrestler Capt. Lou Albano, who found a nice second career with 80s pop singer Cyndi Lauper, diedWednesday at 76.

According to CNN:

He started as a tag team wrestler in the 1950s but became a successful manager of champion wrestlers in the 1970s, according to a biography on the WWE Web site ... Albano was recognizable by his penchant for unbuttoned Hawaiian shirts and a trademark beard, which was usually bound by a rubber band ... his persona earned him the distinction of "one of the most hated men" in wrestling for 15 years, the WWE biography said ... Albano's image evolved in the 1980s, when he teamed with Lauper on several music videos, such as "Girls Just Want to Have Fun," and wrestling appearances.

So of course, I must include a link to the "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" video. It's classic stuff. Remember when MTV did videos?

(And who'd think I'd start feeling nostalgic for the 80s?)

State too dangerous for Obamas, but then nobody's voting

From the Secret Service and one of our own congressmen: South Carolina is too dangerous for First Lady Michelle Obama to visit.

H'mm. This is especially interesting because Barack Obama spent time in Charleston during his campaign and said he loved the town.

Oh, that's right. The pursuit of votes supersedes all safety issues.

But not only does the Secret Service say the state is dangerous, but so does Jim Clyburn, a Democrat from this state. Clyburn cites the attitudes of people here in the Palmetto State.

OK, we do have quite a few people here who are ticked off at the government. A good share of folks who made the scene at Tea Parties and (when you could find one that was open to the public) Town Hall meetings. But that's not a South Carolina thing; that's nationwide.

And we've got our share of craziness in this state, between congressmen who shout "you lie" during joint sessions of Congress, an Appalachian Trail-hiking governor, and numbers that call South Carolina one of the most dangerous, worst-educated states in the Union.

Oh, yeah. There's the issue of the Confederate Flag by the state house, and the ongoing NAACP boycott of the state. But again, none of this stopped the Obamas from visiting last year.

But nobody's voting now.

This cynical move underscores politics at its worst. Joe Candidate shows up at your door, seeking your vote. Then says thanks, and you never see him again until it's time for another vote. And the Obama Administration just took that tack.

You don't think this advice has anything to do with the fact Obama didn't carry the state? He has proven he doesn't much care for dissent, and his Chicago political heritage is one of rewarding your friends and ignoring -- or even penalizing -- your enemies.

There are a lot of other places that should be too dangerous for the First Lady:

- Texas (which McCain carried) has more guns than a lot of countries.

- California (which Obama carried) has more crazy people than anybody.

- Mississippi (which McCain carried) is the one state that South Carolinians thank God for; without that state we'd be dead last in a lot of quality-of-life rankings.

- Nevada (a McCain state) is a place where people come in but never leave, especially if you spend too much time in the casinos. I've known a few people who visited, blew their grubstake, and ended up working in a casino to recoup.

- Then there's Chicago. The most grim place I've ever seen, and O'Hare Airport is another one of those places where you can visit and never leave. Oh, the Obamas are from Chicago? Whoops ...

There are a few places the Obamas can safely avoid right now, and who cares? Nobody's voting now.

Obama's Nobel Peace Prize explained by SC blogger

I got this from fellow South Carolina blogger Brian McCarty, who writes "Voting Under the Influence," and there's some stuff I just didn't know about Barack Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

While folks (including me) are still wondering what Obama did to win the prestigious award (it's like Most Valuable Player), you have to admit he's in some pretty fast company: Yasser Arafat (1994), Kofi Annan (2001), Jimmy Carter (2002), and Al Gore (2007). Not to mention the 1973 award, which Henry Kissinger shared with North Vietnam's Le Duc Tho. Tho turned down his award, saying nothing really changed in 'Nam. Plenty of intentions, but short on results.

From Voting Under The Influence:

Top 9 Reasons Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize..(not) straight from the Nobel Committee

9) Some guys from Chicago reminded us that a boss like Obama should be given the proper respect.

8) The other guy we were considering had this thing once with a chubby girl.

7) That Joe Wilson thing really pissed us off.

6) Hans has a brother in law in GITMO his wife wants home for Christmas.

5) W. never invited any of us to his ranch, so take that, Mr. Ex-President.

4) We had to be fair. Gorbachev won the prize after losing a war in Afghanistan.

3) Obama promised us the United States will be on the metric system and embrace soccer and warm beer.

2) We denied him the Olympics. We are dissing the American Dollar. We got to do something to keep Obama happy. After all, that brother still has the nukes.

1) China told us to reward Obama for his good behavior.

OK. Now you know.

###

You tell me: Can you think of any other reasons a sitting president who has been in office only a few months would get such an award? Is the Nobel Peace Prize trivialized, as it seems? I welcome comments ...

Some words are just plain annoying ... whatever

The word "whatever" used to be kind of cool. Now it's just plain annoying.

Back a generation or so, it was kind of a backhanded way of saying, "I may be wrong." Tagged at the end of a statement, it meant about the same as "or something ...", a phrase I like to use.

Somewhere along the line, though, "whatever" got ugly. It's still used sometimes to suggest the speaker may be wrong, with something added, i.e. I may be wrong, but I don't give a rip. It's also used to express disagreement. And when there's clear separation between the syllables, "what-EVER," it means turn out the lights. The conversation is over. I've shut my brain off, and don't bother me with that factual foolery.

Whatever.

Marist College ran a poll of the most annoying words and phrases in use today, and 47 percent of respondents said "Whatever" was the one that grates on the nerves the most. When you consider the sheer number of candidates -- how big is the average American's vocabulary? -- that's pretty impressive.

The old perennial favorite, "you know," was chosen as most annoying by 25 percent of survey respondents. Anyone who listens to sports -- especially post-game interviews with Joe Superstar -- knows all about you know. Y'know?

But there's no malice in "you know," no conversation-ending blow-off. It's merely an empty phrase, a space-filler in conversation. You have the floor, you were making your point, you're scanning the brain for ideas, but you're not ready to relinquish the floor. You know what I mean? Some people say "uhh ... " as that verbal crutch, others will pause, and I'll sometimes say, "let's see ..." but it means we're all fresh out of ideas for a second.

"It is what it is" ranked third in the most-annoying derby, at 11 percent. I hear this every so often, and it's another of those phrases that means ... really, nothing. It brings back memories of "be that as it may," another ultra-annoying phrase that, thankfully, you don't hear much any more. They mean the same thing.

"Anyway" is another verbal crutch, and yes, I use it too much in conversation. Again, I'm filling the air while thinking of something else to say. And seven percent of Marist poll respondents call "anyway" the most annoying word or phrase. Maybe it just doesn't sound as empty-headed as "you know."

At the end of the day, who cares? I don't, and two percent of poll respondents would like the day to end awfully durned soon -- or at least the phrase. "At the end of the day" is overused, it's stripped of all real meaning, but it's nowhere near as objectionable as "whatever."

Of course, I have my own favorite annoying phrase, and it's one I use for the express purpose to be annoying. I've heard folks use "have a nice day" as a conversation ender, and my own variation is "have a lucky day." Of course, there's a story attached to it.

Years ago, I worked in a casino, and "have a lucky day" was the company-sanctioned way of telling a customer to have a nice day. Lucky day, of course, meaning to drop your cash in our machines and on our blackjack tables to see how lucky you can get. Among the employees, that feelgood phrase took a whole different life of its own. It became a great blow-off line, the way some folks will tell you to "have a nice day" when they really mean "get out of my face."

It's funny how some of these phrases stay with you. I thought it was so funny in Nevada when I learned "tokes" meant "tips." Now, in California -- and in 48 other states -- "tokes" means something entirely different. But to this day, when I leave a few bucks for the waitress after a meal, I still call it a toke.

And if I tell you to have a lucky day, it still means I'm blowing you off.

Whatever.

###

You tell me: Does "whatever" bring out those homicidal impulses in you? I'm sure you have some other words and phrases that set off those alarm bells. Feel free to share. Use the comments section for your perspective.

Cong. Jim Clyburn: SC is too dangerous for the First Lady to visit. (Thank God for Mississippi!)
~ E

Chicago Cubs file for bankruptcy protection. Are we in a depression yet?
~ E

Sen. Feinstein (D, CA): Need more troops in Afghanistan. Dissent in the Democrat ranks?
~ E

There's talk of ANOTHER stimulus plan. See, throwing money at a problem doesn't work, didn't you know?
~ E

Mediterranean blob: Is it sea snot?

Eeeeeeew! It's like all the whales in the world blew their noses in the same area.

National Geographic Magazine reports these gigantic blobs of some mucus-like substance collecting in the Mediterranean Sea.

And this stuff -- whatever it is -- isn't just a navigational or fishing hazard, but a health hazard too.

Up to 124 miles (200 kilometers) long, the mucilages appear naturally, usually near Mediterranean coasts in summer. The season's warm weather makes seawater more stable, which facilitates the bonding of the organic matter that makes up the blobs (Mediterranean map) ... now, due to warmer temperatures, the mucilages are forming in winter too—and lasting for months ... but the new study found that Mediterranean mucilages harbor bacteria and viruses, including potentially deadly E. coli, Danovaro said. Those pathogens threaten human swimmers as well as fish and other sea creatures, according to the report, published September 16 in the journal PloS One.

You may (or may not) be happy to know it's not snot. Instead, it's a mucilage that starts begins as "marine snow,": clusters of mostly microscopic dead and living organic matter, and some larger dead things. Kind of like the pluff mud that kicks up around Lowcountry estuaries (out-of-towners swear that stuff stinks real bad, but we know better).

Over time, the marine snow picks up other tiny hitchhikers, looking for a meal or safety in numbers, and may grow into a mucilage.

It still sounds like something out of an old Steve McQueen horror flick. Now, if killer tomatoes rise up from the glop, I'm not so sure I want to know about it.

Best economic indicator may be your underdrawers

How bad is the economy?

Forget looking at the usual indicators. Unemployment numbers, productivity, and foreclosure rates give only part of the picture, but there are some other, equally reliable, things to study to get the real picture close up.

Like checking your own underdrawers.

I'm not talking about what suddenly happens to them when you get a layoff notice or your house gets foreclosed. Just check the condition of them. If they have holes or the waistband is pulled out of stretch, it usually means time to replace them. That is, if you can afford it.

But when money's tight, you're going to cut corners. You may find more hamburger and fewer steaks in your freezer. You may go for the dollar menu at the nearest fast-food emporium instead of dinner at that Thai restaurant you used to frequent. And you may skimp on replacing your underdrawers.

Face it. Few people know whether someone's wearing boxers, briefs, or butt floss under most circumstances. And if you look like me, even fewer people are going to care. Worn-out briefs are not as readily noticed by the public as, say, a coffee-stained shirt or a run in the stockings. Your own hindparts are not going to know the difference except for maybe a little extra ventilation. Underwear sales are a fair indicator of what's happening in the financial world.

I've noticed lately my local WalMart is selling boxers at deep discounts, a three-pack for little bit of nothing. It's not just a back-to-school sale, 'cause the young'uns are already back in school. But they're mildewing on the store shelves. Folks are just not bothering with them. They'll last another year.

From Time, here are some more indicators that your economists don't think about -- but real people do:

*****

1. Appalachian Trail Hikers. When the going gets tough, the tough take a hike. There's been a spike in the number of hikers making the long trek—meaning plenty of people have plenty of free time on their hands.

2. Immigrants in the U.S. After rising for decades, the number of foreign-born residents has stalled. Apparently, immigrants just aren't as attracted to this country as they once were.

3. Men's Underwear Index. When the economy is stable, the sale of men's underwear remains flat and strong. But when money is tight, sales drop pretty quickly as men tend to wear their skivvies more times before replacing them. After all, nobody (or not that many people) sees your tightie whities or boxers. In 2009, men's underwear sales are expected to be down for the first time in years.

4. The Reselling of Cemetery Plots. When people buy one of these, you gotta assume that the thought never entered their heads that one day they'd want to—or have to—sell before putting them to use. People need the money, and suddenly cremation is cool.

5. Pro Football Games Blacked-Out on TV. As the NFL season opened, a dozen teams had not sold out their home games, and with blackout rules that means that viewers at home might not be able to watch those games on TV. They blackout games to encourage people to buy tickets, but fewer folks today are eager to drop big bucks on something that (normally) they can enjoy for free from home. Blackouts are just one reason fans may feel alienated by the NFL.

6. Fewer Babies Born, Fewer Babies Planned. In one survey, 44 percent of women said that they were going to put off having kids or have fewer kids because of the economy.

7. The Toughness of Marine Ads. The Marines have met all of their recruitment goals, as typically occurs when the job market is bad. And so ads on TV are showing the toughest side of being a Marine, with barbed wire and even some dry heaving. Why? Because now they can be picky, and they want to attract the toughest, most highly motivated recruits.

8. Coupon Redemption. The numbers are already up 23 percent so far this year, demonstrating that people are eager to save money. And you know who is more likely to be clipping those coupons? Folks who are well-to-do.

9. Long-Distance Relationships. Because job prospects are so hard to come by, people are more inclined to relocate for a good offer, even if that means leaving a loved one behind.

10. The Hot Waitress Index. Here's the theory: When times are flush, attractive women in big cities have many opportunities to make money through marketing gigs, modeling, hosting parties, and such. When times are less than flush, those opportunities dry up, and then restaurateurs scoop them up to wait tables—and to attract diners who like being served by hot waitresses.

*****

I'd consider a few other indicators here:

Sales of cheap food: I'm talking about Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, dried beans and rice, and peanut butter. Even when times are flush, I always must have peanut butter in my pantry. But it's turning into a staple, along with the beans, rice, and grits.

More people doing things themselves: The Lowes' and Home Depots are doing good business, and even the mechanically challenged are trying to do their own repairs. If this crisis continues, you just might see more home surgeries -- gee, I hope not.

Cancelled Internet accounts: Shoot, I save a few bucks every month by going to the library or community college, setting up my laptop, and working on a public wifi hotspot. Plus, it's probably better for me anyway, because I'm so easily distracted.

Ditching the landline: That makes good economic sense anyway. What with cell phones and wireless Internet getting more reliable, hard phone lines become less relevant.

Thrift stores advertising on the radio: I kid you not; they are. They're doing big business, too. Even cool people shop there.

###

You tell me: What other real-life indicators are you noticing? Use the comments section for input. Oh, I'm not going to ask you about the condition of your shorts, and please don't volunteer ... that's definitely TMI.

WSJ: The program was the biggest clunker of 'em all

I'm not terribly surprised that the much-ballyhooed Cash For Clunkers program is turning into, well, another clunker.

It looked good for a couple of minutes, or long enough for (now government-run) automakers to see a nifty little spike in business. But that spike is over, folks have their brand new cars and even newer payment books, and auto sales are now flatter than before.

Meanwhile, the people who have just a few hundred bucks to spend on a beater car, well, they're straight out of luck. These beater cars -- the ones the government took off motorists' hands for some vastly inflated sums -- now sit in junkyards, with some sort of "liquid glass" lining the innards of the engines. That stuff's better than Karo syrup for destroying an engine.

Here's how the Wall Street Journal put it:

Cash for clunkers had two objectives: help the environment by increasing fuel efficiency, and boost car sales to help Detroit and the economy. It achieved neither. According to Hudson Institute economist Irwin Stelzer, at best "the reduction in gasoline consumption will cut our oil consumption by 0.2 percent per year, or less than a single day's gasoline use." Burton Abrams and George Parsons of the University of Delaware added up the total benefits from reduced gas consumption, environmental improvements and the benefit to car buyers and companies, minus the overall cost of cash for clunkers, and found a net cost of roughly $2,000 per vehicle. Rather than stimulating the economy, the program made the nation as a whole $1.4 billion poorer.

Like nearly all governmental actions, this can be explained away by the great phrase, "it seemed like a good idea at the time." And, yeah, this program was a bonanza for those who wanted to get some new wheels but were shortstopped by the fact their existing cars were not worth very much. A friend of mine got rid of his junker (though it wasn't that bad -- what the hey, it ran) and upgraded through the program. He got a sweet deal on his trade-in through the program, and now he has a car he may or may not be able to afford. What's more, the trade-in amount is treated as income, therefore taxable.

Really, the only one to derive any real benefits from the Cash For Clunkers program (with the exception of my friend, and that's debatable) is the auto industry. It's not hard to figure out. The Big Three automakers are on life support right now, the industry is propped up by governmental funny money, and the program was just a fancy version of corporate welfare.

The other day I checked out the ads for cars in the $1,000-$1,500 range -- those which the Web-savvy would call POS cars (if you're not Web-savvy, DON'T ask). There isn't much of anything there; these cars seem to have disappeared off the market. So the guy who needs a car but a) can't afford much better or b) can't get financing, well, he gets to walk. There is a market for such rolling pieces of wreckage. I've driven a few of them, and one of the byproducts of driving one is that I learned to be halfway good with a wrench. And found lots of cool uses for duct tape and WD-40.

The thought of destroying perfectly good assets to create wealth may make sense to a bureaucrat, but to living breathing working people out there in the real world, it's total nonsense.

The car manufacturers are finding Clunkers to be nothing more than a bump in the free fall. In September, the first post-Cash for Clunkers sales period, saw Chrysler's new-car sales figures dive by 42 percent off September 2008. In that same period, GM's numbers went into a redline dive of 45 percent. Yet Ford's numbers only slipped five percent in that time; you tell me.

From the WSJ again:

In the category of all-time dumb ideas, cash for clunkers rivals the New Deal brainstorm to slaughter pigs to raise pork prices. The people who really belong in the junk yard are the wizards in Washington who peddled this economic malarkey.

Now there's scuttlebutt there may be Cash For Clunkers programs for refrigerators and home appliances coming down the pike. What's next? VCR's? Stereos? Computers, perhaps?

Anyone know a quick way of getting that liquid glass gunk out of an engine?

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You tell me: Can you see any Cash For Clunkers benefits that I don't see? Did you upgrade your wheels through this program? Got any other clunkers you wish to get rid of in future programs? Use the comments section for input.

Some audiences are tougher than others

Ouch. This really has to hurt.

AP - Police say a woman singing karaoke in a Connecticut sports bar was attacked by six other women who didn't like her performance ...

That's a tough audience.

In my "other life" I'm a musician. Been doing that for a while, nearly 25 years. I've fielded bands that ranged from the really good to the downright awful. I mean some of these bands -- particularly in the early days -- sounded like geese farts on a muggy day. We've been fired from plenty of gigs back in the old days, been shorted on the cash a time or two, seen the tip bucket get stolen a couple of times, and had a lot of fun in the process. Playing music is, well, nice work if you can get it.

David Owens, a singer/guitarist I've had the privilege of working with a few years ago, brings a sunny disposition to the gig. Always upbeat, always in a good mood, and he tends to spread it among the band members and the audience. He does a few odd jobs here and there, but he plays music for a living and he loves his lot in life. What other job is there, he asks, where you can work 45 minutes then take a break? Go three or four hours and call it a day? Do those things you love to do and call it work?

Even if you have to "do Freebird" an awful lot.

Now, that's a joke among musicians. Freebird is southern rock band Lynrd Skynrd's most popular song, and every band in the world knows it. It's guitar-driven, with a twin guitar lead for the out solo. And when you're playing in public, you can almost guarantee someone will ask for that song. Doesn't matter if your band doesn't even have a lead guitar player, folks will still ask.

You remember the movie "Road House" (with the late Patrick Swayze), where the band is playing from behind chicken wire? I've never seen that in real life; the club owner usually won't go to such great lengths for the band's welfare. But I keep flashing back to some scary venues where I've plied my trade ...

... like the club in California that had an armed, uniformed security guy at the door. He was tougher than tough. Carried a .44 mag on one hip, a stun gun on the other. I watched from the stage as he applied the stun gun on one bar patron. It wasn't pretty.

... like the bar that had dartboards on the wall behind the stage. More than once I caught myself looking between songs to make sure the darts hadn't moved.

... like the outdoor street festival a few years ago, on a rainy day. We stood under a canopy, had the sound equipment in the covered bed of a truck, and we got a few songs out before we started hearing ominous crackling sounds coming from the speakers. Rather than fry the sound system, we terminated the performance.

... like the all-black club in San Bernardino. The only people I knew were in the band, and the patrons initially viewed me as someone who, well, didn't belong there. I was given this look like, you'd better sound real good if you want to live. I must have sounded all right -- as David would say after a particularly good gig, "tricked 'em again."

... like the bar that had a stage big enough for three people, and we ran a 10-piece band in there a few times. To go to the bathroom you had to squeeze between the guitarist and the horn section.

Sometimes the venue is OK, but the band itself is scary...

... like the time my vocalist got drunk and began waving a gun on stage. We hit the floor real fast.

But none of us ever got attacked by a bar patron, not for sounding bad anyway. Of course, if a band member makes a move on some fella's girl, all bets are off and none of this counts anyway.

With a band you're getting paid for all this so expectations are higher. Karaoke is a whole 'nother thing. Many of the singers are doing this on a whim, fueled by that high-octane social icebreaker, and if it sounds good it's purely accidental.

But a tough audience is still a tough audience.