Cloud Computing 101: A starter's toolkit

Here I try to cut some of the mystery out of cloud computing ... or maybe really muddy the waters up some more.

Article appears in Hubpages.

Excerpt:

"Here's the beauty of cloud computing: You can conceivably get by without a hard drive at all. Shoot, all you really need for cloud computing is an operating system, Web connection and browser, and perhaps a USB thumb drive for local storage. If you want to do it like a real geek, put your operating system and Web browser on the thumb drive and boot off that. Hard drive? What's a hard drive?"

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Survey: A majority of phone users have ditched the landline

Found this in Consumerist, and it gives an idea of how the times are a-changing. In an informal, admittedly nonscientific poll, more than half of respondents said they no longer have one of those home phones that comes with wires. Not even a cordless phone.

Cell phones have taken over.

Do You Still Use Your Land Line?: 

According to a recently released study, there are more than 5 billion cell phones in use around the world today, with 20% of those just coming into use in the last 18 months. More and more, people are either ditching their traditional land lines or relegating it to a secondary role, especially in large metropolitan areas.

A few months ago, when we polled readers on whether or not they still needed their physical White Pages phone book anymore, an overwhelming number of respondents voted 'no.'

So, in the interest of pseudo-science, we now want to know just how frequently you use your land line compared to your mobile -- or if you even have a land line at all anymore.

Take the survey: How Frequently Do You Use Your Land Line?

Over 5 billion mobile phone connections worldwide [BBC]

Of course, I had to take this survey, and as soon as I put my answer in I grabbed the results:

In all, 4,479 people voted in this poll.

- It's my main mode of telephonic communication -- 14 percent (643).

- As frequently as I use my cell phone -- 11 percent (499 votes).

- My cell is the main phone, but I use the land line on occasion -- 23 percent (1,010 votes).

- What's a land line? -- 52 percent (2,327 votes).

By the way, I am one of those who does not have a land line. Got rid of it seven or eight years ago, after realizing the only calls I got on it were telemarketers. My parents thought that was funny, and they thought it was even funnier that their attorney uses a cell phone for home and office use.

Landlines? We don't need no steenkin' landlines.

(By the way, I still keep a current phone directory in my office. Can't remember when I last used the white pages, though.)

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1995: Internet replace stores, books? You're kidding!

An Internet store? Never happen. (Image from sxc.hu)

Here's a blast from the past:

Back in 1995, the Internet was the Big New Thing. Folks were getting used to the idea that you can go to any library anywhere, "talk" to anyone, and experience some of the world without ever leaving your seat.

But to Clifford Stoll, it was just a fad. He offered his views in Newsweek early that year, saying that while the Internet was pretty cool, it wouldn't really catch on or be truly useful.

Stoll said:

"Do our computer pundits lack all common sense? The truth in no online database will replace your daily newspaper, no CD-ROM can take the place of a competent teacher and no computer network will change the way government works."

Stoll wasn't a technophobe. He'd been involved in the online world from the jump. Helped track down some computer crackers who stole military secrets and sold them to the KGB. And he has a little online business going now.

But back then, he knew computers would not replace books or newspapers. He knew it. Check it out:

"How about electronic publishing? Try reading a book on disc. At best, it's an unpleasant chore: the myopic glow of a clunky computer replaces the friendly pages of a book. And you can't tote that laptop to the beach. Yet Nicholas Negroponte, director of the MIT Media Lab, predicts that we'll soon buy books and newspapers straight over the Intenet. Uh, sure."

He said ecommerce wouldn't work all that well because, well, there's little human contact involved. Same thing with the rest of the Internet -- takes away that eyeball-to-eyeball. It's that same dynamic that author John Naisbitt pointed out in the 1982 book Megatrends -- that push-pull between high-tech and high-touch. 

Less than two decades after Naisbitt's book, and about five years after Stoll's predictions, high tech won the war.

Still, take a look at Stoll's Newsweek article. While you're about it, read the comments. The whole thing is a hoot. 

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Link: Clifford Stoll's Web site.

Some wonderful truths to ponder late at night

As if I don't have enough distraction in my life, Mom sent this email of questions for me to ponder. And since I'm always trying to stimulate good thought and to open people's minds (sometimes with a wrecking bar), I thought I'd pass this along to y'all.

So, if you're lying awake at night for no reason, grab one or two of these questions and turn them over in your mind for a while. It may not help you get to sleep, but at least you'll have a reason for this insomnia.

Thank me later.


1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21.. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas -- What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?  (This last one was something the late George Carlin wondered about, too.)

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Twinkies turn 80: Is the original still edible?

It was 80 years ago, on April 6, 1930, when the first Twinkie went on the market. As now they travelled in pairs; selling two for a nickel.

The then-Continental Baking Co. (now Hostess) was looking for something cheap, a snack that would go over well in an economically depressed time. Now, almost 500 million are sold every year, and that snack cake became part of our folklore.

Never mind the fact they became a legal defense for murder (albeit an unsuccessful one) in Dan White's trial for killing San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk in 1978. And just ignore the hypothesis that Twinkies are locked in a time-warp of freshness, they're the stuff of legend.

Here are some Twinkies facts, from the Orange County Register:

• Twinkie inventor James Dewar named the snack after a billboard he saw advertising Twinkle Toe Shoes, but never got paid royalties for his creation.
• The Twinkie originally had banana filling, but bananas were rationed during WWII, so vanilla was substituted. Customers liked it so much it stayed in there.
• The deep-fried Twinkie was invented at the Texas State Fair. Here’s a recipe.
• In a nod to the supposed indestructibility of the snacks, the T.W.I.N.K.I.E. Project lists several silly experiments that can be performed on them, such as the “gravitational response test” (i.e. dropping one from a 6th-floor window).

So what's the story about the never-aging, bionic Twinkies? Untrue, says Snopes. But one thing that did catch my attention, according to Snopes it takes a Twinkie 45 seconds to explode in a microwave.

Exploding Twinkies? Cool! I tell you, they're the original fun food.

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Time to log off, you think?

As a public service ...





Think this deserves your immediate attention?

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Love that bubble wrap? Then get your own!

My name is Eric, and I'm a bubble wrap addict ...

From The Huffington Post:

... it's Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day today, Monday, Jan. 25, 2010, a day honoring the conception of the bubble wrap 50 years ago ... "Spirit 95" Radio, a local radio station in Bloomington, Indiana, officially started Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day in 2001 with a number of events to celebrate the anniversary ...

Read the rest of the story here.

And hey, stop by the post office or UPS and pick up your own bubble wrap already. You can't have mine!

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Cooking without salt doesn't mean bland dinner

I'm still thinking about salt here; talk of more government regulation always does this to me.

I don't use much salt. I don't even keep it in the house. Part of it is the health angle, but part of it is just plain preference. I use a lot of other seasonings in the kitchen, and my cooking -- which I'd describe as more utilitarian than gourmet -- is anything but bland. When I eat I want to actually taste something; it's part of the pleasure of eating.

Here's a partial inventory of my spice rack:

• Mrs. Dash Garlic & Herb seasoning blend: This is my go-to, and I use it like most people use salt.
• Mrs. Dash Extra Spicy seasoning blend: I use this when I want to kick it up a notch.
• Tabasco sauce: Required. I use it in my morning grits, too. A bit hotter and more of an aged-in-the-keg taste than Texas Pete.
• 5th Season Italian Seasoning: Any kind of Italian seasoning will work; this is the cheap stuff (half a buck at WalMart). Has thyme, oregano, and who-knows-what in it. I'll use it in eggs and on grilled cheese sandwiches, too.
• Garlic powder: Another must-have. Leave the garlic salt for the amateurs.
• Tony Chachere's Original Creole Seasoning: This does have salt, but the red pepper is enough to counterbalance the effects.
• Cavender's All Purpose Greek Seasoning: A friend turned me on to this. It has salt and monosodium glutamate in it, and I don't use it much. It's good on burgers, though.
• Dill weed: Good on fish and in casseroles; gives a little extra tangy bite.

But I do have a stash of pretzels somewhere in yonder kitchen. After reading about New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg's campaign to regulate salt usage in restaurants and processed food, I need some junk food ... and I need it now.

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If you can read this, you might be a mess. Or NOT!

This was posted by a friend of mine, and I thought it was interesting:

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. If you can raed... tihs, psot it to yuor wlal. Olny 55% of plepoe can.

It made perfectly good sense to me.

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Steering wheel tabletop for the multitasker who has everything

There's always someone on your Christmas shopping list who is guaranteed to stump you. I'm talking about the person who already has everything, right?

I found this in the mentalfloss blog, and wasn't even sure this was real. Can't be. But the Laptop Steering Wheel Desk might be just the thing to give this year.

This cool item is a little tabletop you can attach to your vehicle’s steering wheel, and it creates a level space to do anything you might need a level space for.

But when I wrote this, Amazon had 326 reviews for this product. Mentalfloss writer Miss Cellania related some of her favorites in her blog entry, and here's one:

... I am a Pathologist in Riverside County California and the Laptop Steering Wheel Desk has changed my life. I used to spend long hours in the autopsy room and had too much time away from my family. With this new tool I am able to dissect the organs of a patient during my commute home ...

OK, I grew up in Riverside County, and I can attest that not all of us are freakos.

Then there's the review -- I'm not making this up -- from a dope dealer who loves his steering wheel tabletop because it allows him to ply his trade without having to hire a runner. I tell you what, some of these reviews are classic.

On its face, the whole thing sounds kind of pet-rockish. Why do you you even need something like this?

I can see some uses for this item. During my taxi driving days, my office was behind the wheel. I kept a manifest of all my trips, plus I always had a few other things cooking. Between calls I'd do some writing, arrange some music, or make some phone calls. I'd always have two or three notebooks lying around, a clipboard or two, a briefcase, a couple of books, a newspaper, my lunch, and a travel mug of coffee. Plus my cell phone, charger, handheld computer, and a folding keyboard for that. Trying to keep all that stuff neat was a real chore, and it wasn't good for my legs and back to work while slumped in the driver's seat.

But maybe its allure is a little behind the curve of society. It seems our multi-track fast-lane culture is giving way to something a lot simpler. I'm reading lots of articles suggesting that multitasking is on its way out, that you really don't get anything done when you've got 15 things going at the same time. Which is true, by the way. Like it or not, multitasking is a moral weakness.

But if you feel your time in the vehicle is dead time, you might want to take a look at this item. Just don't use it while you're driving, and we'll all be OK.

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Is chocolate the great stress reliever?

In a world where the news seems to get worse and worse, there's finally something uplifting in the headlines: Chocolate can relieve stress.

According to psychcentral.com writer Rick Nauert PhD, chocolate does seem to help the body cope with stress, and helps to correct any biochemical imbalances related to stress.

H'mm ... Prozac in one hand. Chocolate in the other. Which one to take? Man, you've got to be kidding.

According to Nauert:

In a clinical trial, investigators found that eating about an ounce and a half of dark chocolate a day for two weeks reduced levels of stress hormones in the bodies of people feeling highly stressed.

I wouldn't have minded being a lab rat for this test.

OK. Who cares about what the clinical tests say? I could have done these tests myself and saved the scientific community a ton of money. Maybe I can't tell these scientists the chemical breakdown of how chocolate works on mind and body, but I can tell them the world would really suck without it.

Nauert's article also mentions a few other bonuses of dark chocolate:

Sunil Kochhar and colleagues note growing scientific evidence that antioxidants and other beneficial substances in dark chocolate may reduce risk factors for heart disease and other physical conditions.

That's the buzzword in nutritional circles these days: Antioxidants. That's the mystery stuff you find in some food that, if it doesn't cure all your ills, it helps to make the body more resistant to all kinds of illnesses. Fortunately, you'll find a good dose of antioxidants in all my favorite things:

Sweet tea (known in these parts as "Southern crack").

Coffee.

And now chocolate.

Bring it on. And while you're about it, fire all those viruses at me. I'll shed them like Superman does with bullets.

And then there's this:

Studies also suggest that chocolate may ease emotional stress. Until now, however, there was little evidence from research in humans on exactly how chocolate might have those stress-busting effects.

Ahh, the mystique of chocolate ... Di, a blogger who writes about her experiences in the love wars, will tell you about it:

I remember getting a book years ago for chocoholics like myself. In one chapter there was scientific evidence cited to show that the human brain experienced similar chemical reactions when they “fell in love” and when they ate chocolate. This led the scientists to the conclusion that people eat chocolate as a substitute for love. However, chocoholics like myself know that the opposite it true – that people fall in love as a substitute for chocolate ...

Now, even though I'm male (you know the Mars/Venus dichotomy), this still makes sense to me. A whole lot of sense. We guys may not talk about it, but we've got to have our chocolate too.

Another rumor I'd heard years ago was that some components of chocolate were structurally similar to THC, the active ingredient in marijuana. Now, that sounds like the makings of good urban legend, but aq dose of chocolate does seem to make the world a better, more peaceful place. Now, it's been many years (actually decades) since I've smoked one of those left-handed cigarettes, and I've never felt like I missed it. Who needs it when you've got chocolate?

I don't think chocolate will give you the munchies, but writing about it sure does. I think there's a last piece of cake in the fridge. I'm after it.

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Celebrating 50 years of marginal thinking

It's hard to believe cartoonist Sergio Aragones has been at it 50 years.

Aragones was the artist who put the madness in Mad Magazine, a publication which was so important to my generation. Anyone who grew up in the late 1960s or early 1970s will remember laughing at the little cartoons, "Drawn-out Dramas," sketched in the page margins.

I remember reading about his work habits, how hyperactive a cartoonist Aragones was. He'd draw anywhere, at any time. He'd decorated many napkins and place mats while waiting for the waiter to take his order. The guy was incredible. Spontaneous. This ability to create something out of nothing at any time is a hallmark of the real artist, on a par with a John Coltrane solo.

It wasn't just his work in the margins that caught my attention; his crowd scenes were something else. Numerous sight gags. You could stare at some of his crowd drawings for a good while, laughing all the way.

I haven't picked up a Mad Magazine in years. I reckon I'd have a hard time viewing some of his art now; my eyeballs are not what they used to be.

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Cockroaches are too efficient to PP

(This one's going out to my brother Rick, who turns 56 today. He loves this kind of useless information even more than I do. Happy birthday, Rick!)

* * *

I can't stand them, especially when they take over my kitchen and require more than one bullet to kill them. But I still have to marvel at the cockroach.

They can live anywhere, on nothing. I used to argue that they would be the one species that would survive a nuclear holocaust, an environmental disaster, fire, flood, famine, or asteroid strike. Even high-grade poison might kill off the first generation, but the second generation would tap dance in it.

I'm not a cat owner, but that animal amazes me because of its incredible quickness and balance (the tail acts as a counterweight). Mice, I understand, cannot burp or pass gas. Ants can carry many times their own weight and never break a sweat. But let's give the lowly cucaracha its due. If you want a survival machine, that's it.

What is it about the common cockroach? Its metabolism is so efficient it doesn't even urinate. This is according to Wired (and watch out for the popup ad that races across the screen like a ... well ...):

... researchers who sequenced the Blattabacterium genome have found that it converts waste into molecules necessary for a roach to survive. Every cockroach is a testimony to the power of recycling — thanks to their microbes, they don’t even need to pee ... “Blattabacterium can produce all of the essential amino acids, various vitamins, and other required compounds from a limited palette of metabolic substrates,” write entomologists in a study published Monday in the researchers have known that cockroaches need the microbes to survive: Kill Blattabacterium with antibiotics, and the insects die. They also knew that roaches store excess nitrogen — one of life’s essential elements, needed to make proteins, amino acids and DNA — inside their bodies, in tiny deposits of uric acid. But researchers didn’t know exactly what became of the uric acid after it was stored, or precisely what Blattabacterium did ...

Wow ... they can live in spilled coffee or even in puddles of beer, and never even need to run to the bathroom ...

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Bringing the outdoors inside

This was kind of cool.

I'm an outdoors kind of guy, especially when the weather is nice. Usually I'm doing my work out on the patio, or in the living room with the door propped open.

So a bird flew in this afternoon. A cardinal. Made one circuit in the living room, hit the closed window on the other side, and flew back out the door. Well, howdey there!

Lovin' days like this.

South and North, explained

I love this ... my older brother sent this along, and it does explain a lot -- especially for those of you who, through accident of birth or lack of travel opportunities, never made it to the South.

(Rick, by the way, was raised in southern California like I was, but except for a few years in Florida -- which is NOT the South no matter what anyone tells you -- he's settled in upstate New York. Beautiful country, but there's lots of snow and the folks there, well, they talk different.)

The difference between the north and south.

The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly explained....

The North has Bloomingdale's , the South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45's

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.

North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH......

In the South : --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.

Disclaimer: In the headline, I called it "South and North," which is the correct way of putting it.

At 99, John Wooden is still as relevant as ever

John Wooden, who coached basketball players like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Gail Goodrich, and Bill Walton on NCAA championship teams, turns 99 today.

It took 15 years of coaching the UCLA Bruins for Wooden to win his first NCAA title; after that he never really stopped. An unprecedented 10 NCAA titles, seven of them in a row (from 1967 to 1973). Five undefeated teams. And he closed out his college coaching career in 1975 with his10th title.

To find a coach who even comes close to Wooden's record, you'd have to go to women's basketball, where University of Tennessee's Pat Summitt, coach of the Lady Vols, has eight and counting. In men's basketball, Adolph Rupp of the University of Kentucky, has four -- and I think they still needed to have some guy fish the ball out of the peach basket after each score then.

Wooden coached some real characters during a changeable era of our history -- the late 60s and early 70s. Abdul-Jabbar, then known as Lew Alcindor, was a 7-foot stringbean with some incredible game and a lot of anger in him. And Walton, during his early career with the Portland Trail Blazers, became something of a counterculture hero because of his ponytail, mountain-goat beard, vegetarian diet, and radical politics.

Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson earned his props for being able to coach Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, the uncoachable Dennis Rodman and a handful of role players into an NBA championship team. Wooden did the same thing with his Bruins decades earlier.

He still has gas in his tank, as Times reporter T.J. Simers wrote a few months ago:

This morning's breakfast will go on for three hours, Wooden unable to shake his visitor, the line a long one day after day for others also wanting some of his time ... New York Giants Coach Tom Coughlin was here a few weeks ago, a USC assistant football coach is the latest to call seeking a meeting ... as for Wooden, he would still like "to have dinner with both Joe Torre and Mike Scioscia," even making a concession, and saying they wouldn't have to eat turkey. He loves his baseball, all right, and his channel turner, stopping for Perry Mason, and every Saturday parking on the westerns, which got him an invite to meet Clint Eastwood on the set of " Changeling," Eastwood directing Angelina Jolie. "A very lovely woman," Wooden says with a smile. "Those lips are something." Like he said, he's not dead.

He's always been a class act. Equal parts motivational speaker, and basketball coach, one of the foundations of his teaching is the Pyramid of Success. He's also noted for his philosophical quotes about life and sportsmanship, such as: "Failure is not fatal but failure to change might be."

Some more Woodenisms:

"Young people need models, not critics."

"The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team."

"Learn as if you were to live forever; live as if you were to die tomorrow."

"Talent is God given; be humble. Fame is man given; be thankful. Conceit is self given; be careful."

"Ability is a poor man's wealth."

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."

"Don't give up on your dreams, or your dreams will give up on you."

Obama's Nobel Peace Prize explained by SC blogger

I got this from fellow South Carolina blogger Brian McCarty, who writes "Voting Under the Influence," and there's some stuff I just didn't know about Barack Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

While folks (including me) are still wondering what Obama did to win the prestigious award (it's like Most Valuable Player), you have to admit he's in some pretty fast company: Yasser Arafat (1994), Kofi Annan (2001), Jimmy Carter (2002), and Al Gore (2007). Not to mention the 1973 award, which Henry Kissinger shared with North Vietnam's Le Duc Tho. Tho turned down his award, saying nothing really changed in 'Nam. Plenty of intentions, but short on results.

From Voting Under The Influence:

Top 9 Reasons Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize..(not) straight from the Nobel Committee

9) Some guys from Chicago reminded us that a boss like Obama should be given the proper respect.

8) The other guy we were considering had this thing once with a chubby girl.

7) That Joe Wilson thing really pissed us off.

6) Hans has a brother in law in GITMO his wife wants home for Christmas.

5) W. never invited any of us to his ranch, so take that, Mr. Ex-President.

4) We had to be fair. Gorbachev won the prize after losing a war in Afghanistan.

3) Obama promised us the United States will be on the metric system and embrace soccer and warm beer.

2) We denied him the Olympics. We are dissing the American Dollar. We got to do something to keep Obama happy. After all, that brother still has the nukes.

1) China told us to reward Obama for his good behavior.

OK. Now you know.

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You tell me: Can you think of any other reasons a sitting president who has been in office only a few months would get such an award? Is the Nobel Peace Prize trivialized, as it seems? I welcome comments ...

Some words are just plain annoying ... whatever

The word "whatever" used to be kind of cool. Now it's just plain annoying.

Back a generation or so, it was kind of a backhanded way of saying, "I may be wrong." Tagged at the end of a statement, it meant about the same as "or something ...", a phrase I like to use.

Somewhere along the line, though, "whatever" got ugly. It's still used sometimes to suggest the speaker may be wrong, with something added, i.e. I may be wrong, but I don't give a rip. It's also used to express disagreement. And when there's clear separation between the syllables, "what-EVER," it means turn out the lights. The conversation is over. I've shut my brain off, and don't bother me with that factual foolery.

Whatever.

Marist College ran a poll of the most annoying words and phrases in use today, and 47 percent of respondents said "Whatever" was the one that grates on the nerves the most. When you consider the sheer number of candidates -- how big is the average American's vocabulary? -- that's pretty impressive.

The old perennial favorite, "you know," was chosen as most annoying by 25 percent of survey respondents. Anyone who listens to sports -- especially post-game interviews with Joe Superstar -- knows all about you know. Y'know?

But there's no malice in "you know," no conversation-ending blow-off. It's merely an empty phrase, a space-filler in conversation. You have the floor, you were making your point, you're scanning the brain for ideas, but you're not ready to relinquish the floor. You know what I mean? Some people say "uhh ... " as that verbal crutch, others will pause, and I'll sometimes say, "let's see ..." but it means we're all fresh out of ideas for a second.

"It is what it is" ranked third in the most-annoying derby, at 11 percent. I hear this every so often, and it's another of those phrases that means ... really, nothing. It brings back memories of "be that as it may," another ultra-annoying phrase that, thankfully, you don't hear much any more. They mean the same thing.

"Anyway" is another verbal crutch, and yes, I use it too much in conversation. Again, I'm filling the air while thinking of something else to say. And seven percent of Marist poll respondents call "anyway" the most annoying word or phrase. Maybe it just doesn't sound as empty-headed as "you know."

At the end of the day, who cares? I don't, and two percent of poll respondents would like the day to end awfully durned soon -- or at least the phrase. "At the end of the day" is overused, it's stripped of all real meaning, but it's nowhere near as objectionable as "whatever."

Of course, I have my own favorite annoying phrase, and it's one I use for the express purpose to be annoying. I've heard folks use "have a nice day" as a conversation ender, and my own variation is "have a lucky day." Of course, there's a story attached to it.

Years ago, I worked in a casino, and "have a lucky day" was the company-sanctioned way of telling a customer to have a nice day. Lucky day, of course, meaning to drop your cash in our machines and on our blackjack tables to see how lucky you can get. Among the employees, that feelgood phrase took a whole different life of its own. It became a great blow-off line, the way some folks will tell you to "have a nice day" when they really mean "get out of my face."

It's funny how some of these phrases stay with you. I thought it was so funny in Nevada when I learned "tokes" meant "tips." Now, in California -- and in 48 other states -- "tokes" means something entirely different. But to this day, when I leave a few bucks for the waitress after a meal, I still call it a toke.

And if I tell you to have a lucky day, it still means I'm blowing you off.

Whatever.

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You tell me: Does "whatever" bring out those homicidal impulses in you? I'm sure you have some other words and phrases that set off those alarm bells. Feel free to share. Use the comments section for your perspective.

What's in that coffee? Wired unlocks some mysteries

When it comes to coffee, I'm what you'd call a maintenance drinker. That first cup in the morning starts my heart and gets my blood flowing; I begin to wake up with the second cup. By the third or fourth cup, I'm flat-out brilliant.

The stuff's magic. Once the caffeine hits my cerebral cortex, ideas start flowing. The world starts to look all right, and I'm ready to go out in it.

I like those really dark brews -- Cafe Bustelo espresso blend is my usual morning feeding. It's cheap, half the label is in Spanish, but it meets the criteria I'm after. I'll also go for some Hardy Passion, or something like that. The best coffee is the kind that tastes like someone left a cigar butt in the cup. The kind that looks like someone just changed his oil. Taken straight, of course.

Occasionally I'll go for some of the fancy stuff. A friend turned me on to the iced cafe mocha you get at McDonalds. Who'd think Mickey D's could do that? They couldn't even make a drinkable cup of coffee ... but their iced cafe mocha truly rocks butt. Recently, it ranked higher than the stuff at Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts, and I believe it. It's more like a dessert than anything else, and I'll only have one when this friend and I go out for some.

Voltaire, the French thinker and gadfly, was a real two-fisted coffee drinker. Consumed 50 cups a day, he claimed. It's anyone's guess how many bathroom stops he made every day, though. Someone once warned him coffee was a slow poison, which gave him occasion to toss off that great line every coffee drinker should know:

"It must be ... I've been drinking it for 50 years, and I'm not dead yet."

Wired (how appropriate!) online magazine, in an attempt to unlock the mystery of coffee, ran a piece outlining what you'd find in your morning brew. It's probably not like reading the ingredients on, say, hot dogs or Slim Jims, but it's revealing nonetheless:

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Caffeine

This is why the world produces more than 16 billion pounds of coffee beans per year. It's actually an alkaloid plant toxin (like nicotine and cocaine), a bug killer that stimulates us by blocking neuroreceptors for the sleep chemical adenosine. The result: you, awake.

Water

Hot H2O is a super solvent, leaching flavors and oils out of the coffee bean. A good cup of joe is 98.75 percent water and 1.25 percent soluble plant matter. Caffeine is a diuretic, so coffee newbies pee out the water quickly; java junkies build up resistance.

2-Ethylphenol

Creates a tarlike, medicinal odor in your morning wake-up. It's also a component of cockroach alarm pheromones, chemical signals that warn the colony of danger.

Quinic acid

Gives coffee its slightly sour flavor. On the plus side, it's one of the starter chemicals in the formulation of Tamiflu.

3,5 Dicaffeoylquinic acid

When scientists pretreat neurons with this acid in the lab, the cells are significantly (though not completely) protected from free-radical damage. Yup: Coffee is a good source of antioxidants.

Dimethyl disulfide

A product of roasting the green coffee bean, this compound is just at the threshold of detectability in brewed java. Good thing, too, as it's one of the compounds that gives human feces its odor.

Acetylmethylcarbinol

That rich, buttery taste in your daily jolt comes in part from this flammable yellow liquid, which helps give real butter its flavor and is a component of artificial flavoring in microwave popcorn.

Putrescine

Ever wonder what makes spoiled meat so poisonous? Here you go. Ptomaines like putrescine are produced when E. coli bacteria in the meat break down amino acids. Naturally present in coffee beans, it smells, as you might guess from the name, like Satan's outhouse.

Trigonelline

Chemically, it's a molecule of niacin with a methyl group attached. It breaks down into pyridines, which give coffee its sweet, earthy taste and also prevent the tooth-eating bacterium Streptococcus mutans from attaching to your teeth. Coffee fights the Cavity Creeps.

Niacin

Trigonelline is unstable above 160 degrees F; the methyl group detaches, unleashing the niacin—vitamin B3—into your cup. Two or three espressos can provide half your recommended daily allowance.

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Interesting! I was aware of the antioxidant properties of coffee (tea also has this), but I didn't realize I was taking all these things that make the bathroom smell funny. It's probably a good thing I live alone.

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You tell me: Are you surprised by these findings? Does that morning blast create magic for you? Are you worried about smelly bathrooms, or does your need for caffeine make this a non-issue? Use the comments section for feedback.

It's not the same old trail anymore

We can thank South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford for adding something to the national vocabulary. Now, the term "hiking the Appalachian Trail" also means, well, indoor sports.

I can hear Tim Allen making use of this one. This is possible dialogue that's right within his comedic style:

"I'm going for some Argentinian tail."

"What did you say?"

"I said, I'm hiking the Appalachian Trail."