Some wonderful truths to ponder late at night

As if I don't have enough distraction in my life, Mom sent this email of questions for me to ponder. And since I'm always trying to stimulate good thought and to open people's minds (sometimes with a wrecking bar), I thought I'd pass this along to y'all.

So, if you're lying awake at night for no reason, grab one or two of these questions and turn them over in your mind for a while. It may not help you get to sleep, but at least you'll have a reason for this insomnia.

Thank me later.


1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21.. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas -- What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?  (This last one was something the late George Carlin wondered about, too.)

###

Bucket List can get revealing: What have you done?

I got this by email from my brother Rick, and this is making the rounds among the family unit. It's revealing. Give it a shot, and have some fun!

Here are the rules of this Bucket List:

Hit forward and place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not, and send it to your friends (including me), or post it to your blog.

This is for your Entire Life!

OK. Have you ever ...

(X) Shot a gun

(X) Gone on a blind date

(X) Skipped school

() Watched someone die

() Been to Canada

() Been to Alaska

() Been to Cuba

() Been to Europe

(X) Been to Las Vegas

(X) Been to Mexico

() Been to Florida

(X) Been on a plane

() Been on a Cruise Ship

() Served on a Jury

(X) Been lost

(X) Been on the opposite side of the country

(X) Gone to Washington, DC

(X) Swam in the Ocean

(Do I get bonus points for more than one ocean?)

(X) Cried yourself to sleep

(x) Played Cops and Robbers

(X) Played Cowboys and Indians

() Recently colored with crayons

(X) Sang Karaoke

(X) Paid for a meal with coins, only coins

(X) Made a prank phone call as a kid

(X) Laughed until some beverage came out of your nose

(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(X) Danced in the rain

(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus

(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe

(X) Watched the sunrise with someone

(X) Blown bubbles

(X) Gone ice skating

(X) Gone skiing

(X) Camped out under the stars

(X) Seen something so beautiful that it took your breath away

(X) Are or have been married

() Have children

(Wrong plumbing. If I have, call the Weekly World News!)

(X) Have a pet

(X) Been skinny dipping outdoors

(X) Been fishing

(X) Been boating

(X) Been water skiing

(X) Been hiking

(X) Been camping in a trailer/RV

(X) Flown in a small 4-seater airplane

() Flown in a glider

() Been flying in a helicopter

() Been flying in a hot air balloon -

() Been bungee jumping -

(X) Gone to a drive-in movie

(X) Done something that should have killed you

(X) Done something that you will regret for the rest of your life

() Been to Africa

() Been to China

() Been to India

() Been to Korea

() Ever ride an elephant

() Ever ride a camel

(X) Ever eaten just cookies for dinner

(X) Ever been on T.V.

(X) Ever steal any traffic signs

(X) Ever been in a car accident

(X) Have a nickname? Wingnut, among others

There's more:

Favorite Drink: Sweet tea

How much do you love your job? Enough to keep doing it.

Is your car a 2 door or a 4 door? No doors

Favorite number? Google(.com!)

Favorite movie? Most recently seen again? Round Midnight

Favorite holiday? National Procrastination Week

Favorite dessert? Anything involving the use of chocolate.

Furthest place you will send this message? Worldwide, via blog

Who will respond to this the fastest: Whoever sees it first and has a civil service job.

SCORING: No rules here. Let your conscience be your guide. Too few checked off probably means you need to turn the computer off and get out more.

(Personal note: A few friends and I regularly get together, and one of the group pastimes is a game called Three Truths And A Lie. That's where you come up with four statements about yourself and have the rest of the group pick out the BS. Scoring is, well, it's like pants on a toll booth collector in that no one knows or really cares. The trick to winning Three Truths And A Lie is in the degree of separation between true and false statements; either all outlandish or none outlandish.)

South and North, explained

I love this ... my older brother sent this along, and it does explain a lot -- especially for those of you who, through accident of birth or lack of travel opportunities, never made it to the South.

(Rick, by the way, was raised in southern California like I was, but except for a few years in Florida -- which is NOT the South no matter what anyone tells you -- he's settled in upstate New York. Beautiful country, but there's lots of snow and the folks there, well, they talk different.)

The difference between the north and south.

The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly explained....

The North has Bloomingdale's , the South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45's

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.

North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH......

In the South : --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.

Disclaimer: In the headline, I called it "South and North," which is the correct way of putting it.

Obama song video pulled: Is it censorship?

UPDATE, OCT. 2: Holy crap! That didn't last long either! As of this morning, this above video has also been pulled, same reason. Try some of the other links and see if you hit paydirt.

----

Well, ain't this interesting?

I'm not sure who is responsible for it, but the video I showed in a recent posting has been removed.

Now, when you click on it, instead of these darling little brainwashed kiddies singing praises to our clay-footed leader, there's a little message from YouTube:

"This video has been removed due to terms of use violation."

It appears censorship is alive and well in the good ol' U. S. of A.

Much as I despised most of the Constitution-shredding aspects of the USA Patriot Act, the writers of that piece of legislation have nothing on ObamaNation. At least the Patriot Act was cooked up in the halls of Congress, under public scrutiny (hysterical as it was in those days immediately after 9/11). Here, it's become policy to not say anything bad about ObamaNation, though there's no real legislation to track this turn of events. It just ... happened.

I'm not sure what the violation was that YouTube claims. A piece by the Contra Costa Times, dated Sept. 25, said the video was under intense scrutiny from several angles:

... news about the song brought a quick response from New Jersey's Department of Education. Spokeswoman Beth Auerswald said the department wants "to ensure students can celebrate the achievements of African Americans during Black History Month without inappropriate partisan politics in the classroom." Auerswald said the state would also look into whether posting the video online violated the privacy of students. Superintendent Christopher Manno defended the performance in Friday's editions of the Burlington County Times. "There was no intention to indoctrinate children," he said. "The teacher's intention was to engage the children in an activity to recognize famous and accomplished African Americans."

OK. One of the issues was whether the video violated the privacy of the youngsters.

Which is valid, but I think it's a crock. Check out YouTube sometime, and you'll see all kinds of videos for all kinds of things. You know in many of these videos, someone's privacy rights were violated.

I don't know if this has anything to do with anything, but Google owns YouTube, and has since November 2006. Google has been criticized for (among other things) left-of-center leanings. Here are a couple of links, some fairly dated, that point to this:

Google's Gatekeepers, New York Times Magazine, 11/30/2008

Googlephobia: The Left Begins to Turn on Google, by Adam Thierer, 11/29/2008

Is Google Dropping Conservative Sites They Disagree With? By Jennifer Laycock, 5/24/2006

For those who missed the video, there are some YouTube sites that still have it, as I guess Google isn't that quick or that thorough. Yet. But you can click on any of these in the link. As of today, at least two still worked.

And since the Lord High Censor saw fit to excise some perfectly good news and really ticked me off in doing so, I'm rerunning this video from another link -- one that was still good Oct. 1. But go ahead to the site where I ran the original video -- the lyrics are intact.

If you haven't seen that video yet, check it out. While you still can.

(Special thanks to Darlene, my sister-in-law, for calling this development to my attention.)

Worried about Swine Flu?

Check the mirror.
If you look like this in the morning ...



... call in sick!

[Special thanks to Elaine for for sending this deranged ... uhh ... whatever it is!]

The government couldn't run a ... ?

(Note: This from an email my Dad sent. "This does warrant serious thought," he added. And yes, I remember when this all happened, and I laughed my butt off then, too. --ericsomething)

Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed.

Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whorehouse and selling booze???

Just something to think about....

From the slush pile: Investment tips for 2008

(Disclaimer: this came in a forwarded email from my older brother, who likes really bad jokes as much as he likes topical humor. Obviously this was up his alley. Since I'm running it here, apparently it's up mine, too.)

Investment tips for 2008
    
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2008:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. PolygramRecords, Warner Bros., and ZestaCrackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4. ZippoManufacturing, AudiMotors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

And finally...

9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang

OH, YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO FORWARD THIS ONE!

Just a century ago ...

My mom sent this as a "fw:" email, and I found it real interesting. A bit of perspective here: All of my grandparents were around at this time (though my maternal grandmother was one year old then). Anyway, enjoy this side trip down Memory Lane:

THE YEAR 1908
This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!
The year is 1908. one hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!

Here are some statistics for the year 1908

************ ********* ********* ******

The average life expectancy was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!

The average wage in 1908 was 22 cents per hour.

The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year .

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME .

Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard. '

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.

The population of Las Vegas was only 30!!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write.

Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, 'Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.' (Shocking? DUH! )

Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.A. !

Editorial comment: Anybody want to try to guess how things will be in 2108? Kind of blows my mind when I think about it.

These tools better than a tinfoil beanie

(Disclaimer: I just love these mailbag requests. It indicates someone's reading, paying attention, and maybe doing something. Or making suggestions. This one came from Kelly Sonora, who has a tech blog, "All Things Internet/Web World Wide." The article she sent me was interesting -- especially 'cause I'm interested in Internet security and I like free stuff.)

In the past I'd written about how public the Internet really is. In cop-show parlance, every time you surf, your business is hung out on the street.

This is indeed true. To illustrate, scroll down to the bottom of this site and check out the box called "About You." (For those who are reading this in RSS-land, hop over to the blog site and scroll to the bottom.) You'll probably see your approximate location,your IP address, and your operating system and browser staring right at you.

Us oldsters remember when things were a lot more private. Plus, the world has changed since 9/11, Homeland Security, and all these other events that changed our world. Civil liberties just ain't what they used to be. Even if you're a normal Joe, not any more paranoia than the next fella, one quick dip through the news may make you think a tinfoil beanie is a pretty good idea.

Paranoia or not, it's just good sense to surf defensively when you go on line. A lot of valuable information -- credit card and bank account numbers float around in cyberspace all the time. Weirdos lurk all over the place, and that nice fella on myspace could well be a 55-year-old Michael Moore lookalike, sitting buck naked at his terminal (for the visually minded, "buck naked" means he's not wearing any socks, either). People work overtime to put together worms, viruses, Trojan horses, and spyware to either cripple your computer, mine it for information, or just scare the spit out of you. Every time you surf, you leave little bits of code on the hard drive telling exactly where you've been, and those pieces of code are as good as a fingerprint.

But you get the point. It's a jungle out there. But there are tools to hide you, to cover your tracks, and to protect your information. And if you're feeling paranoid without reason, there are tools and sites guaranteed to give you something to be paranoid about. Whether you're normal (whatever that is) or a screaming nut job, there's probably a tool for you, too.

Here are some of my favorites from "50 Free Internet Tools for Tin-Foil Hat Wearers", written by Alisa Miller:

Portable Firefox: I love this one. I used it quite a bit when reduced to library computers, which ordinarily means being stuck with the porous Internet Explorer. Portable Firefox comes with a suite of open-source applications which I use a lot anyway -- the AbiWord word processor, Audacity sound editor, and a handful of others. I carry them on a thumb drive with some of the documents I'm working on, which basically gives me a computer in my pocket. Ad I leave no trace on the host computer. My bookmarks and cookies -- those little bits of code that can tell you where I've been -- also stay on the thumb drive. And surprisingly, I've been able to download stuff using a library computer. Good luck doing that with the as-is system. I highly recommend this one.

Bugmenot.com: Of course I resent the idea of having to register (and get on a mailing list) just to read a few news articles, so of course I swear by this one. I use it via a Firefox extension, and I can't think of the last time I've registered for anything.

GrandCentral: It's by Google, and supposedly it consolidates all of your phone numbers into one that's untraceable. Sounds intriguing, but it is by Google, so take that any way you want.

Clusty and Scroogle: Search engines. Clusty is supposedly highly secure. To my experience it's also slow. Scroogle is a front-end for Google, which uses encryption and a few other things that supposedly mask your existence while you use Google.

ShieldsUp! and Junkbusters: Both will let you know how secure your computer really is. The more information your computer puts out, the more vulnerable you are to attacks and attempts by nefarious types to sip into your information. ShieldsUp! tells me my computer is practically invisible.

AVG Anti-Virus: It's virus protection. They update regularly -- more often when some real baddie comes down the pike. And it's free. That was my guardian during my Windows days (viruses are not an issue with Linux). The on-the-fly virus protection is, last I looked, somewhat lacking, but the program picks 'em off the hard drive with ease. Virus protection is big business, and it's a cash cow for some large software companies that play on people's fears, so if a free one does the job for you, go for it. I understand they've added spyware protection since I last used it; a good thing.

Avast! Another free virus protection program. I tried it years ago, and found it to be slow but thorough. For ease of operation -- based on my tests then -- I'd give the nod to AVG. But unlike spyware programs, you can only run one virus checker at a time.

Ad-Aware: By Lavasoft. One of only about two spyware-sniffing programs that is worth anything. The other one, which is not mentioned in the article, is Spybot Search & Destroy. And unlike virus scanners, you can have several spyware checkers on your system. In fact it's recommended, because each of these two will occasionally miss something. Whatever you do, DON'T order spyware protection from any Internet source that plugs its product through a pop-up box on your browser. Not only will those not work, they're probably not free and they're usually spyware themselves. I told you it's a jungle out there.

SiteAdvisor: Haven't used this, but heard good things about it. Supposedly lets you know that you're going to a site that is loaded with spyware or harvests your information. Worth a look.

This isn't on the list, but if you really want to play it stealthy, you can try one of the small Linux systems loaded via QEMU, an emulator. I have one (with the ultra-small Puppy Linux) on a USB thumb drive. Plug it in to a USB port, click on the icon, and you're running Linux on top of Windows. it's so secret even the host computer doesn't know what you're doing. There are some real drawbacks -- it's extremely slow, and you really need to be fluent in Linux to use it well. And it can't print or play music, but I can surf on a library computer and leave absolutely no traces.

===============

Anyway, that's my own list. Some things worth checking out there.

In fact, I recommend the whole blog. It's full of good security information.

Iaccoca: Where Have Our Leaders Gone?

My mailbag is busy lately. This was sent to me today, and it's attributed to former Chrysler head Lee Iaccoca.

Unlike most of the garbage that finds its way in your email box (anything with Fw: in the title), this is the straight stuff. I checked with snopes.com, my favorite debunker of all things Internet, and this passes muster over there (unlike various things attributed to, say, the late great George Carlin).

(Just for grins, here's the Snopes page)

Anyway, here goes:

===============

Lee Iacocca, the man who rescued Chrysler Corporation from its deaththroes.
He's now 82 years old and has a new book, and here are some excerpts:< BR>


'Am I the only guy in this country who's fed up with what's happening? Where the hell is our outrage? We should be screaming bloody murder. We've got a gang of clueless bozos steering our ship of state right over a cliff, we've got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can't even clean up after a hurricane much less build a hybrid car. But instead of getting mad, everyone sits around and nods their heads when the politicians say, 'Stay the course'

Stay the course? You've got to be kidding. This is America , not the damned 'Titanic'. I'll give you a sound bite: 'Throw all the bums out!'

You might think I'm getting senile, that I've gone off my rocker, and maybe I have. But someone has to speak up. I hardly recognize this country anymore.

The most famous business leaders are not the innovators but the guys in handcuffs. While we're fiddling in Iraq , the Middle East is burning and nobody seems to know what to do. And the press is waving 'pom-poms ' instead of asking hard questions. That's not the promise of the ' America ' my parents and yours traveled across the ocean for.

I've had enough. How about you?

I'll go a step further. You can't call yourself a patriot if you're not outraged. This is a fight I'm ready and willing to have. The Biggest 'C' is Crisis ! (Iacocca elaborates on nine C's of leadership, crisis being the first.)

Leaders are made, not born. Leadership is forged in times of crisis. It's easy to sit there with your feet up on the desk and talk theory. Or send someone else's kids off to war when you've never seen a battlefield yourself. It's another thing to lead when your world comes tumbling down.

On September 11, 2001, we needed a strong leader more than any other time in our history. We needed a steady hand to guide us out of the ashes. A Hell of a Mess! So here's where we stand. We're immersed in a bloody war with no plan f or winning and no plan for leaving. We're running the biggest deficit in the history of the country. We're losing the manufacturing edge to Asia , while our once-great companies are getting slaughtered by health care costs. Gas prices are skyrocketing, and nobody in power has a coherent energy policy. Our schools are in trouble. Our borders are like sieves. The middle class is being squeezed every which way. These are times that cry out for leadership.

But when you look around, you've got to ask: 'Where have all the leaders gone?' Where are the curious, creative communicators? Where are the people of character, courage, conviction, omnipotence, and common sense? I may be a sucker f or alliteration, but I think you get the point.

Name me a leader who has a better idea for homeland security than making us take off our shoes in airports and throw away our shampoo? We've spent billions of dollars building a huge new bureaucracy, and all we know how to do is react to things that have already happened.

Name me one leader who emerged from the crisis of Hurricane Katrina. Congress has yet to spend a single day evaluating the response to the hurricane, or demanding accountability for the decisions that were made in the crucial hours after the storm.

Everyone's hunkering down, fingers crossed, hoping it doesn't happen again. Now, that's just crazy. Storms happen. Deal with it. Make a plan . Figure out what you're going to do the next time.

Name me an industry leader who is thinking creatively about how we can restore our competitive edge in manufacturing. Who would have believed that there could ever be a time when 'The Big Three ' referred to Japanese car companies? How did this happen, and more important, what are we going to do about it?

Name me a government leader who can articulate a plan for paying down the debt, or solving the energy crisis, or managing the health care problem.The silence is deafening. But these are the crises that are eating away at our country and milking the middle class dry.

I have news for the gang in Congress. We didn't elect you to sit on your asses and do nothing and remain silent while our democracy is being hijacked and our greatness is being replaced with mediocrity. What is everybody so afraid of? That some bonehead on Fox News will call them a name? Give me a break. Why don't you guys show some spine for a change?

Had Enough?

Hey, I'm not trying to be the voice of gloom and doom here. I'm trying to light a fire. I'm speaking out because I have hope. I believe in America . In my lifetime I've had the privilege of living through some of America 's greatest moments. I've also experienced some of our worst crises: the 'Great Depression', 'World War II', the 'Korean War', the 'Kennedy Assassination', the 'Vietnam War', the 1970s oil crisis, and the struggles of recent years culminating with 9/11.

If I've learned one thing, it's this: 'You don't get anywhere by standing on the sidelines waiting for somebody else to take action. Whether it's building a better car or building a better future for our children, we all have a role to play. That's the challenge I'm raising in this book. It's a call to 'Action' for people who, like me, believe in America . It's not too late, but it's getting pretty close. So let's shake off the crap and go to work. Let's tell 'em all we've had enough.'

Make your own contribution by sending this to everyone you know and care about. It's our country, folks; and it's our future. Our future is at stake!

===============

I like what he says, myself.

Life, explained:

Here's another one from my brother:

================

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.


Life has now been explained to you.

Tech support, in the trenches

You're wondering about the wisdom of calling tech support when your computer craps out?

So am I.

My ever-helpful brother sent this along, and as I find with a lot of the stuff he sends, this is a real eye-opener:










This is India.

This is where you call when you have a technical problem with your computer.

I feel better, knowing my technological issues are in the hands of such competent and forward-looking people, aren't you?

Stimulating someone's economy with your rebate

Received this email from my brother the other day. It does make you think a bit:

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Your Tax Rebate:

The federal government is sending each and everyone of us a $600 rebate.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.

If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If we purchase a computer it will go to India.

If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.

If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan.

If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan ...

...and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy prostitutes, weed, beer, and tattoos, since these are the only products still produced in the USA.

Thank you for your help & please support the US.

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No wonder our economy is a mess.

They walk among us ...

While I usually don't go in for forwarded email (it's some sort of a tic; when I see "Fw:" my DELETE finger twitches), I thought this was great. Almost sounds like one of my rants. This came from my Mom.

Well, one can always pray for a little unnatural selection.

-- ericsomething



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They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor.
She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money ba ck ... Same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail

I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the g irl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already buy-one-get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'. She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us!

One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked Up at the sky and said, 'Where?'


They Walk Among Us!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the North?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head a n d said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'

They Walk Among Us!!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'

They Walk Among Us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.


They Walk Among Us!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10% Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'

They Walk Among Us!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'

Yep, They Walk Among Us!

They Walk Among Us,
And they Reproduce,
And Worst of all
.....they Vote!

==========

Scary stuff from restaurants

This from the mailbag (thanks, Mom): 'Nuff said. If you're thinking about going out to eat while monitoring your waistline, forget it.

20: Worst Fast-Food Chicken Meal - Chicken Selects Premium Breast Strips
From McDonald's (5 pieces) with cream ranch sauce. 830 Calories, 55 grams
Fat (4.5 Trans fat), 48 carbs. Add a large fries and regular soda and this
Seemingly innocuous chicken meal tops out at 1,710 calories.

19: Worst drink - Jamba Juice Chocolate Moo'd Power Smoothie (30 fl oz). 900
Calories, 10 g fat, 183 carbs, 166 g sugar.Jamba Juice calls it a smoothie,
MSNBC calls it a milk shake. The beverage contains as much sugar as 8 pints
Of Ben & Jerry's butter pecan ice cream.

18: Worst supermarket meal - Pepperidge Farm Roasted Chicken Pot Pie (whole
Pie). 1,020 calories, 64 g fat, 86 g carbs.Label may say this pie serves
Two, but, who ever divided a small pot pie in half? Once you crack the
Crust, there will be no stopping.

17: Worst 'healthy' burger - Ruby Tuesday Bella Turkey Burger. 1,145
Calories, 71 g fat, 56 g carbs.

16: Worst Mexican entree - Chipotle Mexican Grill Chicken Burrito. 1,179
Calories, 47 g fat, 125 g carbs, 2,656 mg sodium.(Please - don't buy any of
These!)

15: Worst kids' meal - Macaroni Grill Double Macaroni 'n' Cheese. 1,210
Calories, 62 g fat, ! 3,450 mg sodium. It's like feeding your kid 1-1/2
Boxes of Kraft mac 'n' cheese.

14: Worst sandwich - Quiznos C! Lassic Italian (large). 1,528 calories, 92 g
Fat, 4,604 mg sodium, 110 g carbs. A large homemade sandwich would more
Likely provided about 500 calories.

13: Worst salad - On the Border Grande Taco Salad with Taco Beef. 1,450
Calories, 102 g fat, 78 g carbs, 2,410 mg sodium.This isn't an anomaly: Five
Different On the Border salads on the menu contain more than 1, 100 calories
Each.

12: Worst burger - Carl's Jr. (Hardee's on East Coast) Double Six Dollar
Burger. 1,520 calories! , 111 g fat. Carl's Jr. Brags it's home to this
Enormous sandwich, but the restaurant chain also provides convenient
Nutrition info on its Web site -- so ignorance is no excuse for eating it.

11: Worst steak - Lonestar 20 oz T-bone. 1,540 calories, 124 g fat. Add a
Baked potato and Lonestar's Signature Lettuce Wedge, and this is a 2,700
Calorie blowout.

10: Worst breakfast - Bob Evans Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and
Stuffed hotcakes. 1,540 calories, 77 g fat (9 g Trans fat), 198 g carbs, 109
G sugar. Fiv! E Egg McMuffins yield the same caloric cost as this stack of
Sugar-stuffed flapjacks, which is truly a heavy breakfast, weighing in at a
Hefty pound and a half.

9: Worst dessert - Chili's Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie with Vanilla Ice
Cream. 1,600 calories, 78 g fat,! 215 g carbs. Would you eat a Big Mac for
Dessert? How about three? That's the calorie equivalent of this decadent
Dish. Clearly, Chili's customers get their money's worth.

8: Worst Chinese entree - P.F. Chang's Pork Lo Mein. 1,820 calories, 127 g
Fat, 95 g carbs. The fat content in this dish alone provides more than 1,100
Calories. And you'd have to eat almost five servings of pasta to match the
Number of carbs it contains. Now, do you really need five servings of
Pasta?

7: Worst chicken entree - Chili's Honey Chipotle Crispers with Chipotle
Sauce. 2,040 calories, 99 g fat, 240 g carbs.'Crispers' refers to an extra
Thick layer of break crumbs that soak up oil and adds unnecessary calories
And carbs to t! Hese glorified chicken strips.

6: Worst fish entree - On the Border Dos XX Fish Tacos with Rice and Beans.
2,100 calories, 130 g fat, 169 g carbs, 4,700 mg sodium! . Perhaps the
Most misleadingly named dish in America : A dozen crunchy tacos from Taco
Bell will saddle you with fewer calories.

5: Worst pizza - Uno Chicago Grill Chicago Classic Deep Dish Pizza. 2,310
Calories, 162 g fat, 123 g carbs, 4,470 mg sodium.Downing this 'personal'
Pizza is equivalent to eating 18 slices of Domino's Crunchy Thin Crust
Cheese pizza.

4: Worst pasta - Macaroni Grill Spaghetti and Meatballs! With Meat Sauce.
2,430 calories, 128 g fat, 207 g carbs, 5,290 mgsodium. This meal satisfied
Your calorie requirements for an entire day.

3: Worst nachos - On the Border Stacked Border Nachos. 2,740 calories, 166 g
fat, 191 g carbs, 5,280 sodium.

2: Worst starter - Chili's Awesome Blossom. 2,710 calories, 203 g fat, 194 g
carbs, 6,360 mg sodium.

1: The worst food in America - Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with
Ranch Dressing. 2,900 calories, 182g fat, 240g carbs. Even if you split
these 'starters' with three friends, you'll have downed a dinner's worth of
calories before you entree arrives.

Personal note: If you've got a body type like mine, weight is not an issue. But fat content still is, as it's not so good for the arteries either. I think I'll stick with my shrimp & grits.

At last, an honest man ...

One of my loyal readers sent this to me (thanks, Mom!)



No caption required here.