The Column

Saturday, October 25, 2008

The government couldn't run a ... ?

(Note: This from an email my Dad sent. "This does warrant serious thought," he added. And yes, I remember when this all happened, and I laughed my butt off then, too. --ericsomething)

Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed.




Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whorehouse and selling booze???

Just something to think about....



Coffee, anyone?

This coffee-use graph came courtesy of freakipotimus/Flikr. Vital stuff here:


Endorsement: There are worse things than not voting

After two years -- actually longer -- of watching a plethora of candidates jockeying for position, it comes to the big show between the final two on Nov. 4. John McCain and Barack Obama are the finalists in the great beauty contest we call a free election. Add a handful of minor and fringe candidates, and those are your choices for President.

You already know a little something about McCain and Obama. There's plenty of opportunity to learn about the candidates. If you spent the last two years in cold storage, this column may be the wrong place for you right now. Or not.

It's tradition among the print media to endorse certain candidates a few days before an election, and in my years in the newsroom I've made my share of endorsements (talk about a heady dose of power here). And while the voters may or may not take these endorsements seriously, the candidates certainly do. I remember being asked by a lot of candidates for a sneak preview, and one in particular an incumbent councilman in Bullhead City, Arizona) made it a point to bug me about it just about every time he talked to me.

The endorsement game, at least in the newsroom, also pits the editorial staff against the owners of the publication. Many newspaper owners, whether they know a lick about the business or not, see this as a chance to flash a little muscle, and the editors may or may not see eye to eye with the boss. Sometimes the process of making endorsements leaves bruised feelings, pitched battles, blood on the newsroom floor, resignations, the whole bit. I've seen it.

But never mind that. This is going to be a crucial election. Times are hard right now. The economy has, to all intents and purposes, collapsed. Folks are watching their retirement plans spiraling downward as if propelled by a mighty flush. Able-bodied people who want to work are not doing so. Jobs are being outsourced, either to some foreign land or to some juy who just slipped the border and will work for little bit of nothing. Health care seems to be available to only the top or bottom ends of the bell curve, leaving many in the middle with few options. Add an unpopular war, concerns about the environmet, countries like Iran and North Korea being run by a bunch of lunatics. Whoever gets elected here is going to have a full plate.

So here's my endorsement for president: If you need other folks to tell you how to vote, then don't vote.

Seriously.

If you're choosing Obama because he's black or is a spellbinding speaker, stay home. If you choose McCain because he's white, a war hero, or because his opponent's name is so similar to Osama (as a friend of mine swears she's doing), the polling booth is too adult a place for you. Go play with blocks instead.

If you can't stay sober long enough to make an intelligent decision, find a bar and get likkered up instead. Our nation survived Warren G. Harding; it will survive without the likes of you.

If you're so fixed on a single issue at the expense of everything else, don't bother voting. If you choose a candidate simply because of race, gender, or geographical location, do us all a favor. Stay home.

If you vote for someone because your spouse, parent, labor union, boss, or pastor says so, then you haven't voted. You've just sold your precious vote to someone else. Election laws prohibit someone from casting more than one vote, although groups such as ACORN seem to have a thing about circumventing those laws. Voting from the marching orders of someone else actually accomplishes what the ACORNs of the world could never really hope for. You've just given that person an extra vote.

If you know the issues fairly well, have pretty much made up your mind by now, and can make an intelligent decision between candidates, then this is the course of action:

Get to your polling place any way you can, check in, make sure the ballot is right side up, punch the holes or pull the levers, make sure the ballot is punched all the way through, and turn it in.

See, despite what your local media, Ad Council, and all the well-meaning busybodies have to say, there are worse things than not voting.

Voting is a powerful and dangerous tool. Too much so for it to be left in the hands of the uninformed and uncaring.

 

After test, Obama may resemble Carter

Vice presidential candidate Joe Biden recently said his running mate, Barack Obama, will likely be tested with a global crisis within months of his inauguration.

Biden compares this with all the fun stuff Jack Kennedy had to deal with during his first months in office. JFK was immediately tested by Soviet head Nikita Kruschev and perennial Cuban dictator Fidel Castro, leading to the well-named Bay of Pigs fiasco and, eventually, the Cuban missile crisis.

Although Biden probably made the statement as a backdoor comparison to JFK (who is still lionized by many in the USA though I'm not sure why), he probably didn't do Obama any favors here. Hey, if Barack has friends like this, he sure doesn't need enemies.

But it may be Biden's propensity for verbal gaffes that prevented this statement from growing further legs and creating a shift in the electorate. Either that, or the populace may be numbed by all the he-said/she-said crap in the campaign (will it be over soon?). But really, Biden's statement should scare any thinking person, as it mirrors our history.

I mentioned Jack Kennedy's crises, and yes, there are parallels. A fresh, untested face taking over from a two-term incumbent in Dwight Eisenhower. To JFK's credit, he willingly took heat over the mishandled Bay of Pigs invasion and acquitted himself well with the missile crisis. We saw that again in 1980 after Jimmy Carter (a one-term governor, also unknown) took over from eight years of Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford. That's about when things went all squirrelly in Iran, the Soviet Union, and Afghanistan. It also didn't take long for the public to realize Carter was totally overwhelmed as a leader, miscast as a commander in chief.

And, oh yes, let us not forget our incumbent in the White House. Bush II took over after eight years of Bill Clinton, and within a year faced what was, at the very least, the biggest strike against America since Pearl Harbor. But while in the days after 9/11 Bush showed decisiveness and 'nads in going after the Taliban in Afghanistan, his insistence that Iraq was part of that mix rightly proved to be his undoing.

You might as well carve this in granite: After a major power shift, expect a major test. So Biden's right.

There are plenty of candidates for spoiling the presidential honeymoon if Obama is elected. You've got Russia, flexing its muscles and proving to be nothing but a payday friend (which is what us working folks call someone who only shows up when you get your paycheck). There's Venezuela, with a lot of oil and a Castro wannabe at the head. South Korea and Iran, both trying to build up some nuclear capabilities and run by crazy people, have taken a number and are in the waiting room right now. If Mexico (one of our biggest suppliers in oil and illegal immigrants) starts getting froggy with Obama, I would not be surprised.

I'm not optimistic about testing Obama's mettle. I don't know the man (really, no one does), but I think he'll more likely be a Jimmy Carter than a Jack Kennedy. I'm serious. He's making noises about sitting at the bargaining table with Venezuela's Chavez, Kim Il Whatshisname of North Korea, and al-Whoozitwhatsit of Iran, trying to shake something out. Sorry. You don't bargain with guys as whacked as they are. I couldn't see JFK trying that, but it would be right up Carter's alley.

OK. Biden may nave been making this statement from a familiar position, with both feet in his mouth (he once invited a wheelchair-bound legislator to stand up and be recognized, and referred to Obama as an African-American who is "clean").

But I don't think so. There's too much proof in the history.


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Election 'clean sweep' a scary scenario

What with our recent economic meltdown coming so close to a presidential election, you can bet there will be a lot of panicky votes. You probably won't like the results, either.

As I write this, there's a strong backlash against the Republicans, as well it should. It doesn't matter how long ago the seeds for economic disaster were sown. It doesn't matter who is at fault. It doesn't matter, really, that this is happening with a Democratic majority in Congress. The current president is Republican, and this is happening on his watch. End of story, at least as far as the voter is concerned.

But the voters are so panicky right now, they may end up putting the whole government in the hands of one party -- a scary scenario no matter how you slice it up.

Think of it. What the crisis is doing for Barack Obama is the very thing that no amount of stump speeches, whistle-stops, or campaign bucks can do. Right now he'd have to screw the pooch in unprecedented fashion to lose. Like what onetime Louisiana Governor Edwin Edwards once said about his own reelection chances, he'd have to be "caught in bed with a dead woman or live boy" to lose (the joke was on him; Edwards lost that race, making voters wonder which one it was).

Meanwhile, bad news from Wall Street and Main Street is killing Republicans in Congressional and Senate races, too.

Here's the problem, though. It'd be real bad news if the Democrats pull off a sweep, and this has nothing to do with them being Democrats. It would be just as bad if the Republicans took the trifecta.

Y'all remember that stuff from your high-school civics classes about the three branches of government. Executive, legislative, and judicial. (If you don't 'cause you slept through those classes, I can't say I blame you. It's pretty boring stuff.) But the Founding Fathers were totally against the idea of a central seat of power (i.e. a king) and wanted the power broken up some. That's the whole idea behind a three-headed government; each piece limits the authority of the others. As it should be. The federal government should be weak, inefficient, laughable.

OK. A democracy -- or a republic like ours -- morphs into something else, something really objectionable, if all this power is in the hands of one bloc, one party, one anything. This is especially true when the times are as uncertain as they are now.

This does fly in the face of the old wisdom that had voters pulling the lever for a straight-party ticket. Maybe that worked at an earlier time when the populace was not as well informed as now, but voting "the bullet" isn't as common as it once was.

In past elections I've registered as a Democrat, a Republican, and an independent, and have yet to vote a straight party ticket. And I probably never will.

During the Clinton years, the legislative branch spent most of its time in Republican hands, and lawmakers screamed about all the gridlock in government. And yeah, there was gridlock. Things were not getting done at the federal level. But times were good, the economy was good, and many people noticed something.

Gridlock is good.

Gridlock created an extra set of checks and balances, preventing the federal government from doing some real damage.

Take these thoughts with you to the voting booth:

Too much power in the hands of a few is a dangerous thing.

Spread the love.

Throw your vote one direction for the President, another direction for the House and Senate.

Keep 'em separate, where they're less likely to get together and really mess up the garden party.






Friday, October 10, 2008

Sending out random, drunken emails?

This is interesting ...



Years ago that Atlanta columnist and great American, Lewis Grizzard, wrote about what he called "Black Cord Fever"(BCF), where you spend all night drinking, go home from the bar, and make manic phone calls to Mom, ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, whatever.

The logical update of BCF involves sending emails after working up that all-night buzz. Google offers a Gmail extension called Mail Goggles, which includes something of a brain test to make sure you can actually see through those beer goggles before sending off that incendiary email to your boss.

According to Google:
 
"By default, Mail Goggles is only active late night on the weekend as
that is the time you're most likely to need it. Once enabled, you can adjust when it's active in the General settings."

Now if there was only something for the original BCF.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

From the slush pile: Investment tips for 2008

(Disclaimer: this came in a forwarded email from my older brother, who likes really bad jokes as much as he likes topical humor. Obviously this was up his alley. Since I'm running it here, apparently it's up mine, too.)

Investment tips for 2008
    
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2008:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. PolygramRecords, Warner Bros., and ZestaCrackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4. ZippoManufacturing, AudiMotors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

And finally...

9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang

OH, YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO FORWARD THIS ONE!

Word processors? Bah!

From my sister blog, The Workbench Reloaded:

"...there was a time when word processors were the greatest thing since the
toilet seat. But those days are gone, and that breed of software is
fast becoming passe. OK, so how do I write?"

Saturday, October 4, 2008

How much is $700 billion dollars?

(Photo of the Arthur Ravenel Bridge by Ron Kacmarcik)

It's 1,000 of these.

It's also the President's price tag to bail out the mortgage industry and to stave off an economic meltdown. After the House rejected the first proposal Tuesday, a second version cleared both houses of Congress by Friday and will go into effect.

As I mentioned, I'm not hopeful. The federal government has proven time and again its ineffectiveness at handling money, especially of the blank-check variety. Although you can throw the blame a whole bunch of different directions, no matter how you pretty it up the bulk of the accountability falls squarely in the government's lap.

And now they think they're gonna fix it? H'mm. There must be a lot of Bourbon and branch water flowing in the Capitol's drinking faucets.

It's like carrying a computer in your pocket

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

New 'Quick & Dirty' section uses Twitter

Being one who loves tech things, of course I had to check into the mini-blog phenomenon called Twitter.

For those who are not sure what that is, it's what's called a "mini-blog" in some circles. You make your entries, they're disseminated on line, and all that good stuff. These are short messages, about 140 characters tops. Messages are mostly of the "what are you doing right now" variety, which makes for some horrendously boring reading.

OK. Here's where things get fun, though. I have been able to add my Twitter feed to this blog, which allows me to throw in some late-breaking stuff or short pieces. A blog within a blog, if you will. I will be able to send dispatches through the text message interface on my cell phone, which makes for some intriguing possibilities.

Here's the catch, though. For you subscribers, these Twitterings will not show up in your RSS reader or email. Oh well. I guess some folks will have to bite the bullet and go to my actual page every once in a while.

(Personal footnote: I may be going with this Twitter system a bit more over the next few weeks while I figure out what happened to my wireless Internet signal. It seems to have gone somewhere. But as they say, you get what you pay for.)

Enjoy!


Even with little at stake, it's nervous time

As the economy inches closer to a spectacular implosion, you might as well take the usual run of presidential politics and throw it out the window.

Many of the issues that were once key are irrelevant now. Forget about universal health care; it's not going to happen any time soon. As far as your favorite entitlement program, you can do the same with that. Social Security may become a moot point. Even any talk about "staying the course" in Iraq becomes irresponsible blather. We can't afford any of this right now.

Back in '92, Bill Clinton steamed into the White House on the strength of his personal mantra, "It's the economy, stupid." But that was 1992, when we were in a mere recession. That's nothing compared to now; this has become a very scary time for anyone who has money, needs money, or ... did I leave anybody out?

As John McCain and Barack Obama face off for the big prize next month, the biggest -- scratch that, the only -- issue is the economy. Especially dissecting it to find out exactly when and how the wheels came off, and to find out where those wheels went.

How bad is the economy right now?

-- It's so bad that gazillionaire Warren Buffet referred to the mortgage meltdown as an "economic Pearl Harbor." Other pundits are using the word "Armageddon" to describe the mess.

-- It's so bad that two rock-solid banks -- Washington Mutual and Charlotte-based Wachovia either a) went into the tank or b) were quickly bought up to stave off failure.

-- It's so bad Congress debated a $700 billion package to bail out the mortgage industry. The first attempt was voted down in the House under a morass of partisan debate Tuesday, and the Senate is picking up the scraps right now. But after the House rejected the bill, even rock-solid conservative commentators -- the kind that would ordinarily scream socialism at the thought of the government taking over part of the financial industry -- were instead taking about the sky falling. I'm talking about Bill O'Reilly here, for goodness sakes.

The picture doesn't get any prettier with age.

The causes of this meltdown have been explored ad nauseum. The upshot, though, is that crashes of this magnitude always seem to follow easy-money times. It's a self-adjustment. The 1920s were another season of the fast buck, janitors were looking at the stock market, the good times were rolling. Then the bottom fell out.

I saw this phenomenon close-up during the early 1980s gold fever. I worked part time for a silver and gold broker, and a lot of ordinary folks were scraping their money together to buy Krugerrands (if y'all remember those things). The gold market topped out at around $850 per troy ounce, then did an unbelievable swan dive to the $300-something range, practically overnight. This taught me something: When you see taxi drivers looking at a certain investment, expect it to crash. (Back then, I used the term "taxi drivers" as my metaphor for average Joes, and this was nearly 20 years before I became one of those taxi drivers. How prophetic is that?)

Here, a lot of ordinary folks were buying homes, getting low easy financing. So easy, in fact, that even I managed to qualify for a loan some years ago (I didn't take it, though). Now, again, the bottom is falling out.

A bailout may be the only solution right now, and at that it's a lousy one. Better to do nothing, let some companies go belly up, let some people starve, and the system will find its own equilibrium. But no one will ever think of making such a suggestion, at least not in a political arena with voters and taxpayers listening.

The very idea of propping up the mortgage industry with taxpayer money stinks to the core. Even the staunchest supporters said so. If some of the backers sounded funny while making statements about the bailout, it was because they were holding their noses. A bailout merely addresses the symptoms instead of the causes of the meltdown. It's scary in that the government -- which had no small hand in creating the crisis -- is now attempting to solve the problem. As a general rule, anything run by a government or by folks who think like government types think is going to be inefficent, bloated, and will compound the problem rather than simplify or solve it.

And even if it works as advertised, the bailout will merely buy time. Everything will still crash. It may be delayed and the landing might be a little softer, but a crash is a crash. What difference does it make whether you're thrown from the 50th floor or the 100th, except maybe the size of the mess?

Where I sit, I'm probably in the best position to withstand the crash. Although things are slower in the intermodal cargo business, people still need to move things by truck, rail, and ship. I don't expect my job to evaporate any time soon. I have a small account at a local credit union, which I opened after checking a few other options, including Washington Mutual. I do not own a home nor have I any intent to buy one anytime soon. My only dependent is of the four-footed variety, and a sack of dog food is still cheap. In fact it smells pretty good, a thought I may revisit if things get really ugly on the home front.

But this financial crunch still makes me nervous. Now, if I had a lot at stake -- as most people do -- I would be giving "nervous" a whole new dimension.