Alarm clocks join vinyl, 8-tracks in scrap heap

(Photo by Christina Snyder, from the Lifehacker site)

I used to hate them, and now I have no real reason to have one in my house.

Except for a small battery-operated number that I never use, alarm clocks are passe in my life. And this is not because I don't need  to wake up at a certain time (which I do) or because I've trained myself to wake up without help (are you kidding?). But just about everything comes with an alarm these days.

Sometime within the next decade you might see alarm clocks in a museum exhibit with the manual typewriter, the LP record, the eight-track tape, the DOS computer. Although I miss some of these blasts from the past, I can only say good riddance to the alarm clock.

I saw an interesting survey on the Lifehacker Web site the other day. Admittedly, Lifehacker readers tend to the geeky and are likelier to buy into technology for technology's sake. But as of Monday, 6,111 people (including myself) responded to the question of what equipment has replaced the alarm clock. Here's the breakdown:

----------------------

Cell phone -- 59% (3,585 votes)
Personal note: I was one of the 3,585. Surprising; I'm usually not in the majority about anything.

The classic alarm clock -- 26% (1,577 votes)
Watch -- 1% (45 votes)
Computer -- 3% (154 votes)
Dog/cat/pet -- 1% (71 votes)
The kid(s) -- 2% (150 votes)
An iPod/MP3 player/portable device -- 4% (227 votes)
Other -- 5% (302 votes)

Total Votes -- 6111

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A question here: The survey doesn't differentiate between the old-style alarm clock and the clock-radio. I've used both, but I've found the only type of radio station to be reliable in waking me up is an all-news station. That's what I used in college. The alarm would go off, the news would click on, and I could find out whether space aliens took the planet hostage while I slept. And if they didn't, it meant I had no excuse to miss my 8:00 class.

As mentioned, I use my cell phone. It's pretty automatic; I set it once for the day and time (5:15 a.m. Monday through Friday), decide on a ring tone, and I'm good to go. I also have a "warning" alarm to remind me to quit whatever I'm doing and point myself toward work. To this day I'm not sure whether I'm ADD or not; it's safer to assume I am when it's time to get to work.

I've also used a watch, back when I wore one. Too quiet, and too easy to throw against the wall when the alarm goes off. My dog has been my wake-up service a few times, but she wakes me up when she wants rather than when I want. Still, she's a handy backup.

When I last owned a landline phone, I used the voice-mail system to wake me up. I'd call, leave a message, and set it to ring at a certain time. This was actually kind of cool, like having your own wake-up service. The only drawback was that the wake-up message was in my own voice, and that's probably the last thing I want to hear so early in the morning. There are times when I scare even myself.

Wives and girlfriends also make handy wake-up devices, but to my experience they're much harder to program than a DVD player. I've never been able to get one out of the default setting, which sounds something like "GET YOUR (!!!) OUT OF BED, YOU LAZY ESSOBEE!"

In the interest of geekiness I've tried using my computer as a wake-up system. I wish I remember how I did it; it was a really cool trick. I wrote a shell script (think .bat file for you old DOS types) that would crank up the computer volume, play a handful of carefully-selected wake-up songs, and pop my day's agenda onto the screen. Songs included "Iron Man" (Eric Dolphy), "Tonight At Noon" (Charles Mingus), "Countdown" (John Coltrane), and maybe a few bluegrass tunes. Fast, rousing, high-octane stuff. But -- welcome to the world of computers -- it takes too long and requires too much thought to set it up as a wake-up system. I got a computer to simplify and enrich my life, not to make it more complicated.

But I'm good with that cell phone. I can flip it open and find the snooze button without waking up. And since I need that phone to communicate, I haven't thrown it yet. Even if I do, 5:15 is when my dog's kidneys wake up. When they don't sleep, no one sleeps.

Ed McMahon dies

Cash4Gold, Ed McMahon and MC Hammer - The Best and Worst Super Bowl Commercials 2009 - TIME

Shared via AddThis

This is not the best way to remember Ed McMahon ... he basically invented the TV sidekick role, and provided one of the greatest Jack Nicholson movie lines (in The Shining.)

But Ed was able to poke fun at his much-publicized troubles. That's a class act.

Would you buy a new car from ... ?

Seems China has competition in its bid to become the newest player in the world automotive scene. By the end of the year you might be able to get a pickup truck produced in ... India?

In fact, India's first vehicles will probably be available before anything from China. Not sure whether this is good or bad news.l

Here's the CNN story on that.

Now, I'm *not* looking forward to seeing these vehicles -- Indian or Chinese -- on a NASCAR track. I mean, some things are just plain wrong.

Hiking Governor draws comparisons to who?

Gov. Sanford's "disappearance" wasn't really that much of a mystery, at least to the folks here in South Carolina, but here's the CNN story now that the whole thing is "solved."

And a comment from one of my readers in the People's Republic of California:

"Your guy is starting to make our guy look good!" (Thanks, Mom!)

Now, that's a big difference between Sanford and the Governator. At least Arnold would toss off a trademark "I'll be back" before hitting the trail.

Update: Gov. Sanford is out hiking the Appalachian Trail, according to his staff. So he didn't even tell his wife ...
~ E

SC Gov. Mark Sanford has been MIA for a few days; no one's worried. Seems he takes off to recharge after tough battles ...
~ E

There's gotta be a catch, right?

Here's the good news: The $100 house is real.

Here's the bad news: It's in Detroit.

No joke, according to CNN:

Literal translation: What's a few more Mexicans?

This just in, from Newser:

(Newser) – The World Health Organization is set to declare the first influenza pandemic in more than 40 years, health sources tell Reuters, triggering heightened measures in 193 countries. Flu experts have advised elevating the risk of swine flu to phase 6, the highest level. That designation refers to the geographical spread of the disease, not the severity—and public health officials now say that swine flu is a relatively mild disease.

"Pandemic means global, but it doesn't have any connotation of severity or mildness," said one WHO official. "This event is really a moderate event for the time being, because the numbers are high but the disease is overwhelmingly mild." To date 27,737 people have been infected with swine flu in 74 countries, but only 141 have died, mostly in Mexico.
Source: Reuters

Economics 101: How the stimulus REALLY works

(Special thanks to my brother Rick for sending this along.) -- Eric

Y'all might find this enlightening ... or not. But it goes like this:

It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to choose one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.

The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government under President Obama and the State of California under Governor Arnold are doing business today.

You know you are living in 2009 when ...

(Special thanks to Jennifer from the People's Republic of California, who sent this along!)
-- Eric


1. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing...

12 Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message

13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list..

Cell phone what?

Forget about sports injuries, and don't even think about carpal tunnel syndrome anymore. This is the new repetitive-motion injury of the ages.

I reckon cauliflower ear is something that goes with Cell Phone Elbow ...

Are they planning a bake sale?

According to The Governator, The People's Republic of California is broke. Tapped out. Flat busted.
~ E

Testing out the perfect killing machine

Warmer stickier weather here in the South Carolina Lowcountry is bringing the usual byproduct: Bugs. Lots of 'em, and all kinds.

Yes, it's time to break out the roach traps, the mosquito repellent (DEET is the favored perfume this time of year), the bug zapper (which together with the lawn chairs and your favorite potable beverage makes for some first-rate family entertainment).

And if you're like me and prefer to keep windows open, you're sending out invitations for all this wildlife to move into your digs.

Because of this, I decided to break down and get me a fly swatter. But not just any fly swatter. This one's called Sergeant Swat.

You know the guy who invented the pet rock (I'm really dating myself here) is probably living on his own island right now, doing nothing more strenuous than playing with his investments. All because he took an ordinary item (in this case a random hunk of mineral), and sold zillions of them. You didn't buy it for the rock. You bought it for the instructions; they were pure genius. Same with the guy who designed the Weather String -- a piece of string you'd hang outside. The instructions told you that if it was wet it probably meant rain.

I picked up Sergeant Swat merely because it was there, it was cheap, it looked like it was pretty well designed, and it had some heft. If you're going to swat a fly, you don't want to just stun it. You want severe collateral damage, some serious splatter. You want shock and awe; hopefully it will serve as a deterrent to the rest of the fly community.

Other than that, it's pretty standard fly swatter design: The handle is metal wire like a coat hanger, and the business end is plastic, shaped like your standard killing instrument. All around, though, it is thicker. The head is about twice as thick as I usually see on this device, and the tip is beveled -- making it easier to scrape up all the fly parts.

Unpacking the fly swatter, I checked out the instructions on the attached card: "A military spec swatter for the toughest pests!"

The features of Sergeant Swat, according to the instructions:

- "Recoilless design allows for swat-attacks on even the largest of flying prey." I wonder how it is on bats? They kind of freak me out, especially when they're flying too close to my neck.

- "Precision manufactured flapper and super strong steel handle creates the most lethal flying pest killing apparatus the world has ever seen."

I soon got to test this apparatus out. Fluttering around on my living room wall was either a mosquito or pterodactyl (in South Carolina they're identical); a quick lefthanded backhanded flick sent him off to the Promised Land. There was little left but a grease spot on my wall and a few legs sticking out of it; I'm not sure what happened to the actual critter itself.

This was so cool. In my hands I had the perfect killing machine. My mindset is a lot more hawk than dove anyway, but I actually spent a few minutes on patrol in my house, looking for more bugs to squish.

OK, should I run out of flies, the instructions -- I'm not kidding -- list some "civilian uses" for the swatter:

- "For those that don't mind spreading a little bug shrapnel, try it as a backscratcher." No need. I can always find a fencepost or stucco wall someplace.

- "Canoe paddle, never know when you'll be up that creek without a real one." I'm going to have to keep that in mind; that's where I spend much of my life.

- "Redneck badminton." Being a redneck in good standing, I must take offense to this. Badminton is a sport for interior decorators.

- "Manual mouse-trap." Maybe this answers my question about the bats, which I consider to be nothing but rats with wings.

With a nod to the People's Republic of California and their ridiculous product-labeling laws, a few cautions are listed. Here's one:

- "While Sergeant Swat is effective on most campsite pests, it has been shown to only aggravate bears." I wonder who found this out, and whatever happened to him?

But then, I hear different things on what to do should you encounter a bear in the wild. Some species are scared off if you make a bunch of noise. Others will get real cranky and use you as a chew toy. Unfortunately, I never could remember which species is which.

One misgiving: While Sergeant Swat is marketed by Willert Home Products in St. Louis, the instruction card announces the swatter itself is made in China.

I'm wondering how much of our nation's big-time weaponry is also made in China. Should I be very very afraid now?

Does Stephen King make good bedtime reading? Just wondering.
~ E

Looks like GM will file for bankruptcy Monday. Know any companies that came out of that in good shape?
~ E

What makes a good weekend?

If you're like most folks, today was the first day back to work from a long weekend. I know it was that way for me, too.

The hallmark of a good weekend is your ability to put the madness of work out of your mind.

OK. So here's the deal:

If you did not need intensive retraining after the weekend, forget it. You're married to the job. There's no help for you.

Recession survival: Grilling on a budget

(Special thanks to my deranged supervisor Elaine for sending this along!)

As everyone knows, now that spring is here it is time to get ready for that all-important cooking technique of the south (and the west too) --- outdoor grilling!

I have just found out there are many stores (not just in the South) where you can get a FREE Bar-B-Q grill! In these tough times free useful items are very welcome. You can get a free BBQ grill from any of the following stores:

A&P, Albertsons, Costco, Dan's, Food Lion, Fry's, Home Depot, Big Lots, Brookshire's, Lowes, Publix, Safeway, Sam's Club, Tesco, Target, Tops, Vons, Trader Joe's, Wal-Mart, Wegmanns, Winn-Dixie, and Smith's.

I especially like the higher rack -- which can be used for keeping things warm!
Just make sure to get a metal one... the plastic ones don't work so good.

Note, remember to take the tires off!

Ya'll enjoy now!

Recession redux: What's hot, part II

Here's a bit more on what people are spending their hard-earned recessionary bucks on.

Chocolate is very popular now, as is Spam and Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. And cheap wine holds up well, along with running shoes.

Here's more, courtesy of Google News:

(You'll know things are getting really ugly when the top-selling items are gold, guns, and concentrated food.)

Discount stores and home surgery: What's hot?

While the economy is in the tank, companies are downsizing, and your investment portfolio shows you may be qable to retire when you're 108, some companies are going the other way.

Growth is happening at Walgreens. Gamestop, a company I've never heard of, is doing well. And your discount stores are doing great.

This is according to CoStar Group, a real estate information provider that tracks which companies are growing and which ones are shrinking. CoStar's methodology is fairly simple -- which retail chains plan to add new stores?

According to CoStar, the 250 major retilers it tracks plan to open 4,000 new stores this year and close about 3,600. But even these numbers don't look all that hot. If all 4,000 stores really open this year, that number is still down 39 percent from store-opening activity two years ago.

What's interesting is the list of retailers that are still growing at this point:

1 - Walgreens, with 540 new stores planned.
2 - Dollar General, 450 new stores.
3 - CVS, with 275.
4 - Gamestop, with 250 new stores on the drawing board.
5 - Dollar Tree, with 235.
6 - Family Dollar, with 200.
7 - WalMart Supercenter, with 125. World domination is a tough business.
8 - Aldi, with 80.
9 - Target, with 75.
10 - Tractor Supply Co., with 75 new stores.

Dollar General and Family Dollar are both deep-discount stores, where you can get just about anything for little bit of nothing. I'd never heard of either company until I moved east of the Mississippi, so there's probably some virgin territory for those two companies. They're nearly interchangeable; I sometimes refer to the Family Dollar General store if I can't remember which one is nearby. Doesn't take genius to figure out why these stores are doing so well.

Same with the Dollar Tree. This company is a little different from the Family Dollar General in that just about everything in the store costs ... a dollar. Cheaply-made goods, but for a buck I'm not going to complain.

I'm not real familiar with Aldi. I saw one in North Carolina, and I understand it's one of those ultra-cheap grocery stores where you bring your own bags. Kind of like the Sav-A-Lot I used to shop at in Tennessee. Great for staples, packaged food, beans, rice, soft drinks, and anything that comes in a can or box. The meat department at Sav-A-Lot scared me; there were always some funny smells coming from back there.

It's easy to see Walmart and Target in this list; any kind of discount is a good thing these days. And drugstores? People still get sick, and it wouldn't surprise me any if the over-the-counter drugs section is what's carrying the ball here. What with the economy being so squirrelly there may be more of a do-it-yourself aspect in health care. Now, if folks start buying up medical equipment for home surgery, that wouldn't shock me either.

OK. Which retailers are losing their shirts?

1 - Circuit City, with 567 store closures planned this year. Is that all of them?
2 - Ritz Camera, with 400 closures. Not difficult to see. How many people still use cameras requiring film?
3 - Goody's, with 287.
4 - Steve & Barry's, with 252.
5 - Jones Apparel, with 225 closures planned over the next two years.
6 - Blockbuster, with 150.
7 - Office Depot, with 118.
8 - RiteAid, with 117. They're a drugstore chain. What's up with that?
9 - Zales, with 115. Maybe more folks are buying their jewelry from some dude selling out of a car trunk?
10 - Gap, and Charming Shoppes, with 100 closures each.

1996 GOP VP nominee Jack Kemp dies over the weekend.