The Column

Friday, July 16, 2010

Up to your what in sharks?


I feel the need to extend the invitation to folks who "ain't from around here."

Come on down. Visit the beautiful South Carolina Lowcountry. Enjoy our weather. Swim in our ocean.

Oh, wait ...

Sharks swarming: "Sharks swarming
CHARLESTON - Don't look now, but they're out there. Sharks. A lot of them.

They're sneaking up behind shrimping nets in swarms, biting head-size holes in the nets to chomp away on the free lunch of shining, silvery crustaceans. Shrimpers up and down the coast are reporting a slew of them, particularly good-size blacktip sharks, which can grow to 6 feet long."


Story is from the Post and Courier.

###

Theft suspect arrested after running out of gas (AP)

Uhh, isn't this part of Larceny 101?

1) Make sure your getaway vehicle has enough gas to get you away.
2) Make sure you know where the keys are.
3) If you use a getaway driver, make sure he has a license ... and is sober.

Planning. Planning. Planning. Like any business endeavor.

This happened in Wenatchee, Washington, and the guy's from Tacoma. To his credit, he did manage to go 50 feet before his car crapped out.

Now let's see the story:


Theft suspect arrested after running out of gas
(AP)
: "AP - Don't call him Lucky."


It's just not this guy's day.

###

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Alvin Greene becomes fodder for Riverdogs promotion


U.S. Senate nominee Alvin Greene suggested raising money with an Alvin Greene action figure, and now it looks like he's gonna get it.


The Charleston Riverdogs, the local minor-league baseball team owned by Mike Veeck and Bill Murray, is making use of this. Greene will be immortalized in an action figure to be given away this weekend. Well, kinda sorta.


It turns out the action figure will be about something else, and his face will be available to put onto the toy. It seems that some weird artist wanted to create a male Statue of Liberty (don't even ask) statue to go up in Charleston Harbor, and that was laughed out of existence. However, the Riverdogs put together a mini "Mr. Liberty" statue as a ballpark promotion.


From what I get, you can then take your Mr. Liberty to an "economic stimulus" station set up in the stadium concourse, where they'll slap an Alvin Greene face on Mr. Liberty.


Greene, the unknown untested unvetted candidate who somehow got the Democratic nomination for Senate from South Carolina, blurted the action-figure idea out as one of his ideas to raise revenue:


"Little dolls. Me. Like maybe little action dolls. Me in an Army uniform, Air Force uniform and me in my suit."


And that was in one of his more lucid moments.


I love it.


Here's the story, from the Post and Courier:


Mr. Liberty, Alvin Greene, part of RiverDogs action figure promotion: "Mr. Liberty, Alvin Greene, part of RiverDogs action figure promotion
CHARLESTON - The RiverDogs are going green: Alvin Greene that is."


Gotta hand it to the Riverdogs management. They know how to promote. Or wouldn't you say that about any team that deliberately set a sports record for lowest attendance (zero, as part of Nobody Night where the team played the first five innings in a locked-down stadium). Some years ago they planned Vasectomy Night for Father's Day some years ago, and this was considered so over the top that the promotion was ... say it with me ... aborted.


And Greene? He says he doesn't mind the promotion. "As long as it looks good and is in good nature, I'm OK."


The Riverdogs are not done with Greene either. They're planning another promotion down the pike, "Greene Family Reunion" T-shirts similar to the one the candidate was wearing the day after his primary win.


For those who are in the area, the Mr. Lady Liberty/Alvin Greene giveaway is Saturday, July 17.


###


No 5-Second Rule in my kitchen


I saw this in The Consumerist, and it kind of rang a bell.


I'm a little funny about my food. While I'll eat just about anything, my food has to pass some strict decontamination tests. Hairs or unidentifiable black specks make it instantly inedible in my book, and I'm usually going to pitch it. I can't even be bothered with trying to pick the substance off; it's going out. I'd thoroughly inspect my food before eating it (as a kid I often heard Dad's "don't analyze it, eat it"), and I've considered washing the food like a raccoon or something.


Hey, you never know what those black specks are.


Fly ash from somewhere? Roach turds? Something ... ugh ... living?


I don't know, and I'm not about to give it the taste test.


But some of my friends adhere to the five-second rule. It's like catching food on the first bounce; allegedly it's still good to eat. They'll drop something, call out "five-second rule," and pick it up. This five-second rule is somewhat elastic, kind of like the "long count" in the Tunney-Dempsey fight back in 1927. Do you start the count immediately after impact, after the food finally stops moving, or after everyone else retreats into a neutral corner?


So I felt a little ... what, vindicated? ... when I read this article.




Do You Follow The 5-Second Rule?:


We've all dropped that freshly buttered piece of golden brown toast on the floor, yes? And many of us have contemplated whether or not to just pick it up and eat it. That's why there's the 5-Second Rule, the completely unscientific belief that food left on the floor for less than five seconds is sufficiently ick-free. But scientists at Clemson are trying to call BS on one of western society's core beliefs.

Says Paul Dawson, a food scientist at the food science and human nutrition department at Clemson University, where he and his team of students tested the Rule:

In the case of the five-second-rule we found that bacteria was transferred from tabletops and floors to the food within five seconds, that is the five second rule is not an accurate guide when it comes to eating food that has fallen on the floor.


But can science change your mind on this?


That's why we're conducting this incredibly unscientific poll:


Do You Follow the 5-Second Rule?online survey

Sadly, the 'five-second rule' is not really safe [Houston Chronicle]


Ych!


###

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Charleston County to privatize recycling


I really like this. An idea that is way overdue, and not done often enough.

The Post and Courier - Charleston County to farm out recycling - Charleston SC - postandcourier.com

In private hands, Charleston County's recycling operation should make $1 million more each year than it does now, said County Council officials who voted Tuesday night to privatize the facility ... Council approved a contract with American Recycling of South Carolina to run the facility in Charleston, and in another waste-related vote agreed to sell the site of the former garbage incinerator in North Charleston to Shipyard Creek Associates for an as-yet undisclosed price ...


I'm not just thinking about the money angle here. See, when you take these government functions and have them done by the private sector, they generally will be a lot better run, more efficient, just better functions overall.


H'mmm ... maybe the federal government ought to consider privatizing the medical industry? Just asking.

###

Town wins spot in Money list


Say it ain't so!

Mt. Pleasant ... or as we call it out here, "Mt. Plastic." Shinola-head capital of Charleston County.

Town wins spot in Money list: "Town wins spot in Money listMoney magazine named Mount Pleasant one of the best small American cities to call home in its annual list."

***

I'm sorry. Much as I love the Lowcountry, I just can't get into Mt. Pleasant. It's not my kind of town.

###

White House: stimulus saved 3 million jobs


I wonder if he got his data from recovery.gov ... you know, the site that reported how well the stimulus worked in congressional districts that didn't exist?

Anyway, here's the story from Reuters:

White House says stimulus saved 3 million U.S. jobs
(Reuters)
: "

President Barack Obama makes remarks on small business jobs initiatives in the Rose Garden at the White House in Washington June 11, 2010. REUTERS/Jim YoungReuters - Hoping to lift sagging confidence in President Barack Obama's economic leadership, the White House will make the case on Wednesday that his policies are creating jobs and spurring private investment ...

* * *

Now, those of y'all living in South Carolina, now may be the time to look for a job. Businesses have been ordered to get rid of all illegal aliens on their payroll. But PrezBo can't claim credit for that one.

###

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Getting interviewed by the Census Bureau

The Census Bureau is still at it, and I don't think they believed me the first time.


Got a visit from some guy wielding a clipboard a few minutes ago. He's with the Census Department's quality control division, doing a little spot-checking.


"I sent mine in," I reminded him. "The Bureau sent me two forms so I almost sent in two."


Turns out "something happened" to the form I sent in, he told me. Yeah, I know exactly what happened to it. I sent it in with just the information that was needed under the Constitution, i.e. address and number of people living in my place. The rest was left blank. Understand, the Census is a head count; nothing more.


As a result, I earned an interview with the Census folks. This guy is probably a little younger than me, black guy with splashes of gray in his dreadlocks. Nice enough, but a bit nervous.


He asked me my address. Is this the correct one? I said yes.


He asked my name. I gave it to him, and told him it was just hearsay.


He asked my age. With a totally straight face and no shame whatsoever, I said I was 29. When he started to write that in, I told him the truth -- 52.


"Male or female? ... well, obviously," he said as he wrote this down.


"Race?" he wanted to know.


Now, that's a sticking point with me. That is really no one's business. If you fill out a job application, they can't ask for your race. Even including a picture of yourself in your job resume is a no-no because of the race angle. And, whether anyone will admit it or not, race does determine how much government money goes where.


But considering the U.S. Census is an official government function and it's not smart to tweak the noses of the Feds, I gave him my answer.


"Martian."


Hopefully, this will end my involvement with Census 2010.


###



An Alvin Greene action figure?


It just gets stranger and stranger around here, folks. Deeper and deeper.


Alvin Greene isn't just a South Carolina joke, but a national one.


Hang that, he's gone worldwide.


He told The Guardian (out of London) that making action figures of himself might help South Carolina's economy. No kidding!


As the Guardian so glibly pointed out, if the idea actually worked, it still wouldn't help the American economy. But it might help China's.


Just read the story for yourself:


Alvin Greene wants a Toy Story | Richard Adams: "

Guardian interview with Senate candidate Alvin Greene reveals his economic policy: making Alvin Greene action dolls

My colleague Ed Pilkington makes the trip to South Carolina to interview the now famous Alvin Greene about his bizarre US Senate candidacy and Democratic primary election victory. Ed does unearth this gem from Greene's fertile brain:

It is clear, too, in the course of the two hours I spend with Greene that he has some pretty wacky ideas that, were he to win in November, would put him among the more unpredictable members of the Senate. At one point, he lurches off on his big idea for how to create jobs in South Carolina.

'Another thing we can do for jobs is make toys of me, especially for the holidays. Little dolls. Me. Like maybe little action dolls. Me in an army uniform, air force uniform, and me in my suit. They can make toys of me and my vehicle, especially for the holidays and Christmas for the kids. That's something that would create jobs. So you see I think out of the box like that. It's not something a typical person would bring up. That's something that could happen, that makes sense. It's not a joke.'

Except that those sorts of things – plastic childrens' toys – are all made in China these days.

The whole piece is worth reading, with a serious point, made when Ed gets a response from Greene's father:

And the suggestion that he is mentally ill? 'That's an insult!' The answer is barked out, with distinct anger. But it doesn't come from Alvin. It comes from James Sr, who is shuffling past in his slippers just as we reach this point.

I turn to him and ask why he thinks such insults, as he sees them, are being levelled at his son. 'Back in my day black people who registered to vote were turned away. They called the doctor and treated them as crazy.'

The net result of Greene's eyebrow-raising election, though, is to hand the Republicans a very easy win in South Carolina. Jim DeMint, the sitting senator, was always going to win but Greene's candidacy means DeMint's free to raise money for, and campaign in, more competitive races elsewhere – the South Carolina gubernatorial contest for starters, the Kentucky Senate race, the Florida Senate race... take your pick.


Uhh, does he have himself confused with the Governator of California, or what?


At least Arnold Schwarzennegger has this action-toy business figured out.


Greene, not so much. Not unless you figure out a way to market a completely misplaced, unqualified moonbat first.


Oh, I forgot, that's worked in a recent presidential election, too. 


###



 

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Drugs do the darnedest things


I already knew I live in a strange neighborhood; I just didn't realize how strange.



I'm in my home office this afternoon when I hear noises outside the trailer. I didn't think much of it as long as nobody's trying to get in, so I continue work.



More noises. Louder. From my kitchen. So I go and check it out.



Since it's been so hot lately I've been keeping my kitchen window open above my sink. And someone's reaching through the window.



It's a young woman, and she's stoned out of her gourd. And she's washing the dishes in my sink, from outside.



It turned out she also watered my plants outside, neatened up my porch, things like that. I really don't think she meant anything wrong; it's just one of those who-knows-what, drug-induced things. 


No harm, no foul, but ... strange.



I confronted her, more questioning than angry. Must have scared her off; she tottered away. I probably should have waited until she finished the dishes. Good help is hard to find these days.



###

Monday, July 5, 2010

1995: Internet replace stores, books? You're kidding!


An Internet store? Never happen. (Image from sxc.hu)


Here's a blast from the past:


Back in 1995, the Internet was the Big New Thing. Folks were getting used to the idea that you can go to any library anywhere, "talk" to anyone, and experience some of the world without ever leaving your seat.


But to Clifford Stoll, it was just a fad. He offered his views in Newsweek early that year, saying that while the Internet was pretty cool, it wouldn't really catch on or be truly useful.


Stoll said:


"Do our computer pundits lack all common sense? The truth in no online database will replace your daily newspaper, no CD-ROM can take the place of a competent teacher and no computer network will change the way government works."


Stoll wasn't a technophobe. He'd been involved in the online world from the jump. Helped track down some computer crackers who stole military secrets and sold them to the KGB. And he has a little online business going now.


But back then, he knew computers would not replace books or newspapers. He knew it. Check it out:


"How about electronic publishing? Try reading a book on disc. At best, it's an unpleasant chore: the myopic glow of a clunky computer replaces the friendly pages of a book. And you can't tote that laptop to the beach. Yet Nicholas Negroponte, director of the MIT Media Lab, predicts that we'll soon buy books and newspapers straight over the Intenet. Uh, sure."


He said ecommerce wouldn't work all that well because, well, there's little human contact involved. Same thing with the rest of the Internet -- takes away that eyeball-to-eyeball. It's that same dynamic that author John Naisbitt pointed out in the 1982 book Megatrends -- that push-pull between high-tech and high-touch. 


Less than two decades after Naisbitt's book, and about five years after Stoll's predictions, high tech won the war.


Still, take a look at Stoll's Newsweek article. While you're about it, read the comments. The whole thing is a hoot. 


###


Link: Clifford Stoll's Web site.



Sp@m: It's what's for dinner


Have you checked your inbox lately?








Yeah, I'm in another one of those moods.


###

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Notes on the Fourth


Have a Happy and Safe Independence Day!




(And there's a reason for all these pyrotechnics)



###

(Photo by J. Stephen Conn over at Flickr)


40 years ago: Reflections on a no-hitter

I hate these reminders of how old I really am, especially when I'm still trying to convince myself I'm still 22.


But some random Internet surfing reminded me that July 3 was the 40th anniversary of the greatest baseball game I've ever seen, when Angels pitcher Clyde Wright threw a no-hitter at the Oakland A's.


I was 12 then, and I grew up in a family of incurable Angels fans. We went to a few games every year, and we were at Anaheim Stadium, third base side in the terrace level on that July evening. My family accounted for four of the 12,131 butts in the seats that night.


OK, as I get older my memory tends to fire more at random, but it seems we were at the ballpark a lot when historic things happened. My grandmother (who was even more incurable than the rest of us) took my brother and me to an afternoon doubleheader the previous year (again the Angels were playing the A's), and when the announcement came that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin safely landed on the Moon, play stopped on the field and we got all misty. But I digress.


The left-handed Wright came off a miserable 1969 (one win, eight losses. But he was pitching like a monster in 1970. Won 22 games that year; only Nolan Ryan was able to match him four years later. Made the All-Star team, during the time the American League was always getting slaughtered -- Wright was the losing pitcher in that midsummer game.


And that no-no. It was right around the sixth inning when I noticed those zeroes on the board. And of course, there's this old superstition that no one on the bench talks about a no-hitter when it's in progress. Out of respect, neither did we.


After his great season, Wright wasn't quite the same. It turned out he had some problems, something about a well-fought bottle. It was years later when I saw a film clip of him finishing his no-hitter, and it was used as a lead-in to a commercial for an alcohol-and-drug rehab hospital. But after his career in the bigs was over, he spent some time in Japan. From Baseball Reference:


In the sixth inning of a 1-1 game early in his first season in Japan, Wright was removed after the first two batters reached. Manager Shigeo Nagashima yanked Wright, who refused to give over the baseball, then charged off the mound and fired the ball into the dugout. After leaving the field, Wright tore off his uniform and threw it into the bathtub and kicked over a garbage can. Wright was nicknamed "Crazy Righto", a name that stuck throughout his time in Japan. Fans and sportswriters called for Wright's release but Nagashima stood by his pitcher ...


1970 was a strange year for no-hitters. Less than a month before Wright's, Dock Ellis of the Pittsburgh Pirates threw one at the San Diego Padres. His control was way off; he walked eight batters that day. He later said he was in mid-LSD trip during that game (which probably explains why his fastball had a tail).


Wright's boy, Jaret, was a pitching phenom for the Cleveland Indians in 1997, coming out of nowhere to win a bunch of games for them. He started Game 7 of the World Series that year, as a 21-year-old rookie. Arm trouble, though, curtailed his career.


The Angels' leadoff hitter in Clyde's no-hitter was Sandy Alomar, who himself had two sons in the bigs (Sandy Jr. and Roberto). The Angels had some real characters in the lineup that day: Alex Johnson, who had a good bat and serious issues. Jim Fregosi, who later managed the Angels. And noted prankster Jay Johnstone, the man our household referred to as "Ol' DM" for "dirty-mouth." Seems one of us noticed Johnstone had trouble getting through a sentence without uttering a profanity. Being earthy folks, we thought it was funny.


I might as well forget about claiming I had a deprived childhood. How many kids got to see a no-hitter?

###

Links:

The box score, from retrosheet.org

What's Wright doing now?



Friday, July 2, 2010

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R, RINO): 'I ain’t gay'


This has been the, uhh, scuttlebutt around here for at least a couple of years. But this little snippet about South Carolina's Graham comes from Outside The Beltway:


Lindsey Graham: I Ain’t Gay: "

Senator Lindsey Graham has long been rumored to be light in his tennis shoes.   But, in an interview with New York Times Magazine, he dismisses this rather humorously:


I know it’s really gonna upset a lot of gay men — I’m sure hundreds of ‘em are gonna be jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge — but I ain’t available. I ain’t gay. Sorry.


(via Taegan Goddard)


There are a lot of reasons why I'm not a big Lindsey Graham fan, and rumors of holecornery (y'all can figure that out for yourselves!) have little or nothing to do with it. But y'all have to admit he does have a way of making the standard denial.


Another Graham development, brought to my attention this morning by local columnist/blogger/radio personality Jack Hunter, aka The Southern Avenger: Anyone notice ol' Lindsey hasn't been hanging around John McCain lately? Shoot, the two were practically inseparable during the 2008 Presidential campaign. But now, Graham is likely thinking of his political future, and McCain isn't exactly cutting edge these days.


###


Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Alvin ... AL-vin ... ALVIN!

So formerly-unknown Senatorial candidate Alvin Greene wants to debate incumbent Jim DeMint?


This ought to be good. Or maybe not.


The Big Picture, whoever they are, spent a little time talking to Greene recently. To his credit, he sounds a little more together in this interview, but it still doesn't bode well for his debate chances:



This campaign isn't even going to be funny ...


###


Gamecocks take College World Series title


How 'bout those Gamecocks!


BELIEVE IT - The Gamecocks win:

BELIEVE IT - The Gamecocks win

OMAHA, Neb. - You can breathe again, South Carolina. Your Gamecocks are coming home. And they're bringing the national championship trophy with them. (from the Post & Courier)



Barnburner of a game. Tied 1-1 in the 11th inning, UCLA's closer Dan Klein pitching. Klein pitched well; four K's in three-plus innings -- a long stretch for a closer. But that one hit, well ... that one hit was by infielder-outfielder Whit Merrifield, who sprung Scott Wingo for the winning run.


For the record, although I've come to like the Gamecocks over the years, they're not exactly the team I grew up on. Shoot, in Southern California UCLA and the other USC were it. USC had Rod Dedeaux coaching them forever, and he had players like Ron Fairly, Don Buford, Tom Seaver, Dave Kingman, Roy Smalley, Fred Lynn, Mark McGwire, and Randy Johnson. And yeah, Cal State Fullerton always had some great teams. But UCLA? Basketball was their game, not baseball.


Good game. And closing out a great season for the 'Cocks.


###



 

Jam Session: Some bass commentary, Stanley Clarke style


On The Jam Session, Reloaded:


Stanley Clarke, now 59 years old, rips it up on upright and electric bass. His music served as a bridge between jazz and funk, and he hangs in with the young guys quite well.


Check out the sounds!


###


Friday, June 25, 2010

Geography lesson, or Where's Arizona?


This came from commentator Neal Boortz, and it is proof positive that intelligence and/or a knowledge of geography are not required for elected officials. 


But then, Wisconsin is a long way from Arizona. Almost a different country. Oh, wait ...


A MEMBER OF THE DUMB-MASSES: 


Boortz: "OK .. now that I have made my sermon. Watch this video. This is Democrat County Supervisor Peggy West of Milwaukee demonstrating her exceptional knowledge of geography during a meeting. Unbelievable. You people of Milwaukee should be ashamed."


Too bad the video ends right there, without showing West's reaction for being so badly shown up. So I offer another snippet of video that may capture the county supervisor's reaction:



Thank you, Gilda!


###





Thursday, June 24, 2010

Airport security: A modest proposal

I'm not sure who originally wrote this, but I like the idea. It was one of those Fw: emails that crosses my transom, sent by my mom.


In all, it sounds like a good workable solution. Later with all these pat-downs at the airport security line and invading your carry-on luggage. This is quick, clean (well, sort of), and cheap in the long run.


Here it is:


Here's the solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners and racial profiling at the airports:


Have a booth that you can step into that will not x-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your body. It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this crap about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift.


This is so simple that it's brilliant. I can see it now. You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system, "Attention standby passengers. We now have a seat available on flight number 4665 .... Paging maintenance. Shop Vac needed in booth number 4."


See, it could work. Who's with me on this?


###