Ink-stained wretches can still dream

Not long ago I started corresponding with an old friend, a fellow survivor of the newsroom wars. I hadn't seen him in 20 years, and he had an idea that caused the printer's ink in my veins to flow a little bit faster ... this idea was, why doesn't he buy an old struggling newspaper, call all the old reporters who haven't drunk themselves goofy yet, get them all together in one newsroom, and show the world what real journalism is all about ... stop me if you've heard that one ...

(You know there's more. Read it in HubPages!)

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Freaks! Freaks! Freaks!

Are you one? Test yourself ...

This is a rather interesting quiz, although one tends to know early in life if he is one of those nonconforming freaks.

By the way, I scored an 83 overall. Again, no surprise. The test actually has three grades -- on the need to be unique, on the need to not conform, and the willingness to express dissent (also known as stirrin' the puddin'). My scores were fairly consistent across the board, ranging from 79 to 89 in the three categories.

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Mark your calendar: Asteroid strike on agenda in 2182

H'mmm ... from the look of things, what I write today will make absolutely no difference to anybody in about 172 years.

Good to know. I guess I can stir things up without worry.

FOXNews.com - Scientist Warns Massive Asteroid Could Hit Earth in 2182

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Lightning strike gives woman a Blackberry brand

When you think about it, there's almost something poetic about the whole thing, unfortunate as it is:

Lightning bolts cause problems across area:

"HANAHAN -- A lightning blast seared through a television cable into a laptop computer and burned a woman in her bedroom Monday. The blast was so strong that it left on her ear an impression of the screen of a Blackberry device she was listening to."

I live about a mile from there, as the crow flies. That thunderstorm blew hot and heavy in my neighborhood, and it had me plenty worried. I left my computer running, but shut down my cable modem and disconnected it until the storm passed. It did give me an excuse to knock off from work for a little bit, anyway.

When I reconnected everything, I had no Internet signal for a couple of hours. Apparently a lightning strike blew something out. Withdrawal symptoms were minimal. But I'm fine now, and playing some catch-up.

Now, I don't know this lady who got, uhh, branded. But there are quite a few folks I know that are so married to their cell phones and crackberries, and are so rude about it that, if something like this happened to them I would have to laugh.

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Of newspapers, pop tarts and Lady Gaga

In case you're wondering whatever happened to the industry they call "journalism," here's a rather amusing (yet true) take by the Washington Post:

Gene Weingarten - Gene Weingarten column mentions Lady Gaga.

Here's an excerpt, and I totally relate to what Weingarten says:

Call me a grumpy old codger, but I liked the old way better. For one thing, I used to have at least a rudimentary idea of how a newspaper got produced: On deadline, drunks with cigars wrote stories that were edited by constipated but knowledgeable people, then printed on paper by enormous machines operated by people with stupid hats and dirty faces ... everything is different today, and it's much more confusing. For one thing, there are no real deadlines anymore, because stories are constantly being updated for the Web. All stories are due now, and most of the constipated people are gone, replaced by multiplatform idea triage specialists. In this hectic environment, mistakes are more likely to be made, meaning that a story might identify Uzbekistan as "a subspecies of goat."

Weingarten gets into the business of writing headlines, too. A headline used to be written for human eyes, and liberties were occasionally taken with humor and taste. Like when my old editor, the late great Verne Peyser referred to the McDonalds shooting in San Ysidro (the one where the guy went nuts and killed more than 20 people) as "McMassacre." Or when the Fontana Herald-News ran the story of Redd Foxx' death with the headline "Fred joins Elizabeth." Now, that's headline writing.

Not any more. Here's what Weingarten says:

... even the best headlines will be changed to something dull but utilitarian. That's because, on the Web, headlines aren't designed to catch readers' eyes. They are designed for "search engine optimization," meaning that readers who are looking for information about something will find the story, giving the newspaper a coveted "eyeball." Putting well-known names in headlines is considered shrewd, even if creativity suffers ...

Which explains the Lady Gaga headline in the WaPo story. Weingarten mentioned the name of the pop tart du jour only peripherally, and that's what became the headline. And myself, well, I'm gonna put her in my headline too, just to see what happens.

Anyway, the whole industry has changed. If I showed up in a newsroom today, I wouldn't recognize it. Or like it.

I reckon I can complain about it. Back around 1990 I thought it was a horrible travesty when the newspaper where I was working formed focus groups among the community to shape our editorial policy. Shoot, accountants and doctors don't do this to determine how they're going to do business, are they?

But now see what's become of the news trade:

Recently some newspaper out around Pasadena outsourced much of their editorial work to ... people in India. Folks who don't speak the language, but they sure make a lot less than even a poorly-paid journalist stateside.

And news outlets like USA Today, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, and SF Gate farm some of their work out to a huge Web content company. I can't complain about that; I do a lot of work for that particular Web content company (under an assumed name), and they do have a lot of good writers in their stable. But the copy is competent but colorless, and designed more for search engines than real live human readers.

Oh, yes. Extra points for mentioning pop idols; it gets them on the search engines faster.

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(Photo: What's she doing in my newspaper? Photo by Billie Joe's Entourage.)

In Hubpages: Writing like a tortured soul

According to a now-viral website, I write like ...

... David Foster Wallace (didn't he hang himself?)

... and sometimes like Dan Brown.

And Lady Gaga's songwriters resemble Shakespeare ... ?

I'm ticked. Seriously ticked. Read the details in Hubpages.

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Alvin Greene becomes fodder for Riverdogs promotion

U.S. Senate nominee Alvin Greene suggested raising money with an Alvin Greene action figure, and now it looks like he's gonna get it.

The Charleston Riverdogs, the local minor-league baseball team owned by Mike Veeck and Bill Murray, is making use of this. Greene will be immortalized in an action figure to be given away this weekend. Well, kinda sorta.

It turns out the action figure will be about something else, and his face will be available to put onto the toy. It seems that some weird artist wanted to create a male Statue of Liberty (don't even ask) statue to go up in Charleston Harbor, and that was laughed out of existence. However, the Riverdogs put together a mini "Mr. Liberty" statue as a ballpark promotion.

From what I get, you can then take your Mr. Liberty to an "economic stimulus" station set up in the stadium concourse, where they'll slap an Alvin Greene face on Mr. Liberty.

Greene, the unknown untested unvetted candidate who somehow got the Democratic nomination for Senate from South Carolina, blurted the action-figure idea out as one of his ideas to raise revenue:

"Little dolls. Me. Like maybe little action dolls. Me in an Army uniform, Air Force uniform and me in my suit."

And that was in one of his more lucid moments.

I love it.

Here's the story, from the Post and Courier:

Mr. Liberty, Alvin Greene, part of RiverDogs action figure promotion: "
CHARLESTON - The RiverDogs are going green: Alvin Greene that is."

Gotta hand it to the Riverdogs management. They know how to promote. Or wouldn't you say that about any team that deliberately set a sports record for lowest attendance (zero, as part of Nobody Night where the team played the first five innings in a locked-down stadium). Some years ago they planned Vasectomy Night for Father's Day some years ago, and this was considered so over the top that the promotion was ... say it with me ... aborted.

And Greene? He says he doesn't mind the promotion. "As long as it looks good and is in good nature, I'm OK."

The Riverdogs are not done with Greene either. They're planning another promotion down the pike, "Greene Family Reunion" T-shirts similar to the one the candidate was wearing the day after his primary win.

For those who are in the area, the Mr. Lady Liberty/Alvin Greene giveaway is Saturday, July 17.

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Town wins spot in Money list

Say it ain't so!

Mt. Pleasant ... or as we call it out here, "Mt. Plastic." Shinola-head capital of Charleston County.

Town wins spot in Money list: "Money magazine named Mount Pleasant one of the best small American cities to call home in its annual list."

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I'm sorry. Much as I love the Lowcountry, I just can't get into Mt. Pleasant. It's not my kind of town.

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White House: stimulus saved 3 million jobs

I wonder if he got his data from recovery.gov ... you know, the site that reported how well the stimulus worked in congressional districts that didn't exist?

Anyway, here's the story from Reuters:

White House says stimulus saved 3 million U.S. jobs
(Reuters): "

Reuters - Hoping to lift sagging confidence in President Barack Obama's economic leadership, the White House will make the case on Wednesday that his policies are creating jobs and spurring private investment ...

* * *

Now, those of y'all living in South Carolina, now may be the time to look for a job. Businesses have been ordered to get rid of all illegal aliens on their payroll. But PrezBo can't claim credit for that one.

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Getting interviewed by the Census Bureau

The Census Bureau is still at it, and I don't think they believed me the first time.

Got a visit from some guy wielding a clipboard a few minutes ago. He's with the Census Department's quality control division, doing a little spot-checking.

"I sent mine in," I reminded him. "The Bureau sent me two forms so I almost sent in two."

Turns out "something happened" to the form I sent in, he told me. Yeah, I know exactly what happened to it. I sent it in with just the information that was needed under the Constitution, i.e. address and number of people living in my place. The rest was left blank. Understand, the Census is a head count; nothing more.

As a result, I earned an interview with the Census folks. This guy is probably a little younger than me, black guy with splashes of gray in his dreadlocks. Nice enough, but a bit nervous.

He asked me my address. Is this the correct one? I said yes.

He asked my name. I gave it to him, and told him it was just hearsay.

He asked my age. With a totally straight face and no shame whatsoever, I said I was 29. When he started to write that in, I told him the truth -- 52.

"Male or female? ... well, obviously," he said as he wrote this down.

"Race?" he wanted to know.

Now, that's a sticking point with me. That is really no one's business. If you fill out a job application, they can't ask for your race. Even including a picture of yourself in your job resume is a no-no because of the race angle. And, whether anyone will admit it or not, race does determine how much government money goes where.

But considering the U.S. Census is an official government function and it's not smart to tweak the noses of the Feds, I gave him my answer.

"Martian."

Hopefully, this will end my involvement with Census 2010.

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Notes on the Fourth

Have a Happy and Safe Independence Day!

(And there's a reason for all these pyrotechnics)

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(Photo by J. Stephen Conn over at Flickr)