You robs the joint, you takes your chances: Part II

Some folks are never satisfied at their pay after a hard day's work:

Unhappy robber: Gunman calls restaurant to gripe | ajc.com

A man who robbed a Wendy's at gunpoint Saturday night apparently was so upset with his haul that he twice called the restaurant to complain, Atlanta police said.

"Next time there better be more than $586," he said during one call. He made "a similar threat" in the second call, police said.

My first thought is, why is there so much cash in the till? Most stores have a policy where employees regularly drop any extra cash in the safe.

At least the guy didn't come by to complain, especially while the police were there.

###

Unnatural selection: Alcohol and trains don't mix

Folks, I can't make this stuff up.

This is from Summerville, a town just a few miles down the road from me.

Man dies after attempting to ‘slap the train’ outside bar: "A Summerville man celebrating his 23rd birthday died early this morning after he apparently tried to “slap the train” running past a local bar and was sucked into it."

Wis. candidate can't use controversial description on ballot

... and you thought South Carolina had strange politics:

Wis. candidate can't use controversial description
(AP):

AP - A legislative candidate from Wisconsin can't use a profane, racially charged phrase to describe herself on the ballot, an election oversight board decided Wednesday.

Greene's first speech shows slippery grasp of facts

South Carolina's action figure hero/Senatorial candidate Alvin Greene made his first speech over the weekend, on his home turf and in front of a relatively friendly crowd.

To his credit, he didn't screw the pooch in his not-quite-seven-minute speech to the NAACP in Manning, but let's just say he doesn't have a firm grasp of issues.

Surprised?

Greene's statements don't always match reality:
COLUMBIA -- In his first campaign speech over the weekend, U.S. Senate candidate Alvin Greene pledged to get South Carolina back to work and decried the state's bottom-of-the-barrel employment and public education rankings.

Let's just say he's fuzzy about a lot of things, OK? A lot of the stuff he's saying is so garbled that you can't even run it through the Bravo Sierra translator without it breaking.

A couple of samples:

GREENE: There are more people unemployed in South Carolina than ever before.

Wrong. Now it's at 11 percent, or 238,000 people. Which sucks, but it doesn't suck as bad as it did in January -- 273,000 unemployed, at 12 percent. The rates have steadily improved since then.

GREENE: South Carolina spends twice as much per inmate as it does per public school student.

Right idea, wrong figure. The state does spend more per inmate ($16,300) than per student ($11,372). That's not double. But then, Greene himself is a fine product of our South Carolina edjumication system, and has the degree (from the University of South Carolina) to prove it.

So where was he getting the data for his speech?

GREENE: "Research, multiple sources, everything, news. All of the above."

And this guy swears he is a serious candidate. He actually has the nomination from a major party.

But he didn't say anything about how a line of Alvin Greene action figures would benefit the state. And he didn't say anything about Denzel Washington portraying him in a movie. Not this time anyway.

I guess South Carolina is safe.

###

An Alvin Greene action figure?

It just gets stranger and stranger around here, folks. Deeper and deeper.

Alvin Greene isn't just a South Carolina joke, but a national one.

Hang that, he's gone worldwide.

He told The Guardian (out of London) that making action figures of himself might help South Carolina's economy. No kidding!

As the Guardian so glibly pointed out, if the idea actually worked, it still wouldn't help the American economy. But it might help China's.

Just read the story for yourself:

Alvin Greene wants a Toy Story | Richard Adams: "

Guardian interview with Senate candidate Alvin Greene reveals his economic policy: making Alvin Greene action dolls

My colleague Ed Pilkington makes the trip to South Carolina to interview the now famous Alvin Greene about his bizarre US Senate candidacy and Democratic primary election victory. Ed does unearth this gem from Greene's fertile brain:

It is clear, too, in the course of the two hours I spend with Greene that he has some pretty wacky ideas that, were he to win in November, would put him among the more unpredictable members of the Senate. At one point, he lurches off on his big idea for how to create jobs in South Carolina.

'Another thing we can do for jobs is make toys of me, especially for the holidays. Little dolls. Me. Like maybe little action dolls. Me in an army uniform, air force uniform, and me in my suit. They can make toys of me and my vehicle, especially for the holidays and Christmas for the kids. That's something that would create jobs. So you see I think out of the box like that. It's not something a typical person would bring up. That's something that could happen, that makes sense. It's not a joke.'

Except that those sorts of things – plastic childrens' toys – are all made in China these days.

The whole piece is worth reading, with a serious point, made when Ed gets a response from Greene's father:

And the suggestion that he is mentally ill? 'That's an insult!' The answer is barked out, with distinct anger. But it doesn't come from Alvin. It comes from James Sr, who is shuffling past in his slippers just as we reach this point.

I turn to him and ask why he thinks such insults, as he sees them, are being levelled at his son. 'Back in my day black people who registered to vote were turned away. They called the doctor and treated them as crazy.'

The net result of Greene's eyebrow-raising election, though, is to hand the Republicans a very easy win in South Carolina. Jim DeMint, the sitting senator, was always going to win but Greene's candidacy means DeMint's free to raise money for, and campaign in, more competitive races elsewhere – the South Carolina gubernatorial contest for starters, the Kentucky Senate race, the Florida Senate race... take your pick.

Uhh, does he have himself confused with the Governator of California, or what?

At least Arnold Schwarzennegger has this action-toy business figured out.

Greene, not so much. Not unless you figure out a way to market a completely misplaced, unqualified moonbat first.

Oh, I forgot, that's worked in a recent presidential election, too. 

###

 

Alvin ... AL-vin ... ALVIN!

So formerly-unknown Senatorial candidate Alvin Greene wants to debate incumbent Jim DeMint?

This ought to be good. Or maybe not.

The Big Picture, whoever they are, spent a little time talking to Greene recently. To his credit, he sounds a little more together in this interview, but it still doesn't bode well for his debate chances:

This campaign isn't even going to be funny ...

###

Geography lesson, or Where's Arizona?

This came from commentator Neal Boortz, and it is proof positive that intelligence and/or a knowledge of geography are not required for elected officials. 

But then, Wisconsin is a long way from Arizona. Almost a different country. Oh, wait ...

A MEMBER OF THE DUMB-MASSES: 

Boortz: "OK .. now that I have made my sermon. Watch this video. This is Democrat County Supervisor Peggy West of Milwaukee demonstrating her exceptional knowledge of geography during a meeting. Unbelievable. You people of Milwaukee should be ashamed."

Too bad the video ends right there, without showing West's reaction for being so badly shown up. So I offer another snippet of video that may capture the county supervisor's reaction:

Thank you, Gilda!

###

Sullivan's Island moves to ban singing, whistling, and the like on public streets

I'm pretty sure these laws are not written by someone who is from around here. There's no way. 

From the Digitel:

Sullivan's Island moves to ban singing, whistling, and the like on public streets (update: CNN picks up): "Update, June 23: What was that? The sound of a national network picking up the local News 2 report? Yes, it is. Check out the video on CNN.First reporting: Yes, it seems very silly, but they're copying the wording of a North Charleston ordinance already..."

I wrote about this some time ago, when Charleston approved an anti-smoking law (modeled after similar ones in New York City and the People's Republic of California):

... the smoking law came from elsewhere ... like it or not, Charleston is a town of transplants. A destination town. A lot of expatriate New Yorkers, people from Ohio looking for a warm place to sit, and a bunch of escapees from Atlanta's rat race. Mostly east coast people, though. I was once considered an oddity because of my California roots (although that's considered to be plenty odd anywhere). Now, there's a bunch more like me. Maybe I should apologize for kicking that door open; everybody wants to be the last person to move to a new area ... write this down. People who move to another area tend to want a couple of things: First, they're seeking a new life. And, once that's achieved (or not), they seek to make that new town Just Like Home ...  

Rick Huff, the late Bard of Folly Beach, wrote a song called "Come On Down," an open invitation for anyone to visit this area just so long as they remember to pack their manners. In his song he decried those folks who move in, feel the need to change things, and "get themselves appointed to Decidedly Ridiculous Boards:" 

Come on down.

You can tell us how to run our little town;

Yeah, come on down. 

Don't know how we made it this far without you around ...

Couldn't say that much better myself.

###

SC runoff election: If you're clueless, don't vote

Got this from The State, 'cause the South Carolina runoff primary election (the what?) is today.

 

Runoffs on ballot: "Today is a big day for S.C. Republicans, who are choosing nominees for four statewide races and three congressional races. Most eyes will be on the race for governor, as Republicans will choose between U.S. Rep. Gresham Barrett and Lexington Rep. Nikki Haley, who is attempting to become the party’s first female and minority nominee.

1 story that will make national headlines

Republican diversity: If Republicans nominate Indian-American Nikki Haley for governor and African-American Tim Scott in the 1st Congressional District, South Carolina will have given the often diversity-challenged GOP two minorities who will likely be favorites in the fall.

2 things you should know

No party switching: Voters who cast ballots two weeks ago can’t switch parties. For example, if you voted in the Democratic primary then you can only vote in the Democratic runoff."

OK. Here's the deal. If you'd rather watch American Idol, then do so and please sit this election out. If you totally lack any clue about government functions, stay home.

If you need someone to tell you who to vote for, don't waste space in the polling booth. And if you don't know why this runoff is even necessary, then don't vote. There are worse things than not voting.

###

Mystery Senate nominee Alvin Greene swears he's serious; few agree

Just when you thought a little sanity had finally entered South Carolina politics, well, forget it!

Welcome to the political world, South Carolina style.


On Tuesday, some guy named Alvin Greene won the Democratic primary for United States Senate, to go against conservative Jim Demint.


Alvin who?


That's what the Democrats are wondering. House Majority Whip Jim Clyburn called for an investigation into the campaign. Party leaders are calling for Greene to step aside and let a real candidate run. Some party officials have even questioned his mental state. Greene, however, is saying he'll continue his run.

It's pretty obvious that South Carolina Democrats had a mass rectal-cranial inversion when they went to the voting booths this time around. 


By all accounts the 32-year-old Greene is an unemployed veteran, and no one is sure where he was able to pony up the $10,400 filing fee.


On top of that, Greene was arrested last November for felony obscenity, which he chooses not to comment on. But none of this stuff came up until after his nomination.


He beat out former legislator Victor Rawl for the nomination, with 59 percent of the vote. Besides his background, Rawl has a campaign war chest of $186,000 while Greene doesn't have a pot to pee in.


"60 percent (of the vote) is not luck," Greene told MSNBC commentator Keith Olbermann. "It's a decisive win."


Interesting, considering he really didn't campaign. No one knew who he was. There was no indication he did any traveling. there is an "unofficial" website for him, which he says is not an authoritative campaign site. There was also a Twitter account for him, but he said that was not his either. It has since been taken down; a wise move considering he has far fewer followers than even my modest 635.


And Democrats are saying Greene is nothing but a Republican plant, a tomato can set up to run against top target DeMint. But Greene says that isn't so.


"I have always been a Democrat, and I will always be a Democrat."


His chief campaign pitch is the need for jobs. That's a natural one for Greene, as he also needs a job.


You absolutely must check out this interview with Olbermann. It's a real hoot. Folks on Twitter are calling it "the most WTF interview ever" (I'm not gonna explain what that means). Greene sounds out of it, uncomfortable, inarticulate in the interview, even with Olbermann's softball questions.


According to Mother Jones Magazine, Greene is on intimate terms with these WTF moments:


"Greene insists that he paid the $10,400 filing fee and all other campaign expenses from his own personal funds. 'It was 100 percent out of my pocket. I'm self-managed. It's hard work, and just getting my message to supporters. I funded my campaign 100 percent out of my pocket and self-managed,' said Greene, who sounded anxious and unprepared to speak to the public. But despite his lack of election funds, Greene claims to have criss-crossed the state during his campaign—though he declined to specify any of the towns or places he visited or say how much money he spent while on the road. 'It wasn't much, I mean, just, it was—it wasn't much. Not much, I mean, it wasn't much, he said, when asked how much of his own money he spent in the primary. Greene frequently spoke in rapid-fire, fragmentary sentences, repeating certain phrases or interrupting himself multiple times during the same sentence while he searched for the right words. But he was emphatic about certain aspects of his candidacy, insisting that details about his campaign organization, for instance, weren't relevant. 'I'm not concentrating on how I was elected -- it's history. I'm the Democratic nominee -- we need to get talking about America back to work, what's going on, in America.' 


Has anybody figured out what he said yet? If so, please email me a translation.


Imagine how he'd do in a real debate, or in a conversation with a real reporter, providing there are any of those left. He'd be chopped up into cat food.


Not that this seems to make any difference with South Carolina Democrats. They voted for a name and a face, with no other information.


Shoot, if voters are that stupid, they deserve whatever candidate they get.


Meanwhile, it looks like it's gonna be fun times in good ol' South Kackilacky this November.

###

How to tweet your job away, in six easy steps

I've been known to tweet. That's using Twitter to send 140 characters' worth of twaddle to the other tweeps (or is it twerps?) out there in Twitter Land. I'll admit, it's a lot of fun, and once you figure out how to get past the ridiculous signal-to-noise ratio on that microblogging site, it can be useful.

I've used Twitter to spot trends, to get up-to-the-second dispatches on some news event, and even to grab some background information on whatever I'm writing. 

But then, we have a lot of folks who use Twitter just to massage their diseased egos, or to spread a whole bunch of mundane crap all over the world. While many people have used Twitter to find jobs, quite a few used Twitter as a way to lose whatever job they had.

I got this from MentalFloss, and it's a hoot. i urge you to read the article:

How to Tweet Your Way Out of a Job:

"Hate your job? Want to leave without giving two weeks notice? Thanks to Twitter, it’s never been easier to get fired. All you have to do is sign up for an account and follow these simple steps. You’ll be unemployed in no time!"

Step 1: Drunk Tweet

Well, yeah, this goes without saying. You know your boss -- or potential boss -- may be monitoring you on Twitter, Facebook, and all the other social media. But Mike Bacsik, a former ballplayer and now, ex-sports-show host, found out what happens when you mix the tweets with the Lone Stars. Or whatever he was drinking.

Step 2: Break the Law (or Just Anger Your Governor)

I tell you, you need to read the article.

Step 3: Have an NSFW Lifestyle

Step 4: Question Company Policy

D'oh! Never a good idea -- especially if you don't want your boss to know.

Step 5: Make a Celebrity Look Bad

Step 6: Don’t Get Hired in the First Place

From MentalFloss: " ... when recent college grad Skye Riley heard back from Cisco, the computer networking giant, about her job application, one of her first instincts was to tweet about it. Unfortunately, this is what she tweeted: 

@theconnor: Cisco just offered me a job! Now I have to weigh the utility of a fatty paycheck against the daily commute to San Jose and hating the work.

The unfortunate part? An employee of Cisco, Tim Levad, came across her post while doing a Twitter search for Cisco. He replied to her by saying:

@timmylevad: Who is the hiring manager. I’m sure they would love to know that you will hate the work. We here at Cisco are versed in the web.

Whoooops!

You see, these computers, handhelds, and smart phones are dangerous toys. Too dangerous to be in the hands of idiots.

###

Senator makes 'racist' statements -- so?

OK, so Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid made statements about then-candidate Barack Obama's blackness. Big deal.

His comments found their way into "Game Change," a new book from Mark Halperin and John Heilemann, that is being released this week.

It appears this book dealt out equal amounts of gall and bitterness to a number of candidates, from both sides of the political spectrum -- folks as diverse as John and Elizabeth Edwards and Sarah Palin got their doses.

But it's Reid who's getting all the attention these days, probably because a) he's still in office, and b) he is such a central player in the government's efforts to take over our health care. Without his and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's efforts, the whole package probably would have been stuck in the talking stages rather than making it as far as it has.

Reid supposedly said that Obama was electable because he was light-skinned and didn't use "the Negro dialect" unless he meant to. In other words, black enough but not too black. Shoot, let's cut to the chase here -- his alleged statements painted Obama as someone that blacks a couple of generations ago might call an "Uncle Tom."

Again, who gives a rip? This is just a sideshow, which has little or nothing to do with any real issues.

Now, the Republicans are jumping on this one. They're calling for him to resign from his leadership position, or even from the Senate. This brings shades of 2002, when Trent Lott praised Strom Thurmond's segregationist past during the South Carolina senator's 100th birthday party.

It's funny how party affiliation means so much in politics. During that campaign Joe Biden, who was born with both feet in his mouth, made similar statements about Obama. Remember? A black man who is "articulate ... and clean." Biden may have tanked his presidential aspirations then and there -- as if they really existed anyway -- but he's now vice president to that articulate and clean black man. See how it works?

So far, I don't hear the usual gang of racist-shouters going after Reid like they did after South Carolina Congressman Joe (You Lie) Wilson or a handful of others, which shows how truly hypocritical these people are. If Reid was Republican, a conservative, or against the health care takeover, it would be a whole different story, but that's not the point I wish to make here.

Although the Republicans are asking the Democrats (and the racist-shouters) to rise up against Reid, it's not going to happen. The Democrats need every single vote they can muster to pass the national health care plan. After that, they can feel free to gut the senator -- if the Nevada voters don't do it first. Of course, the Republicans would love to see Reid get thrown out on his can sooner rather than later.

I see this whole thing as an obvious attempt to derail the health care bill, and yes, it does need derailing. Government-run health care may be an even bigger threat to our way of life than even the USA PATRIOT Act, but to shut it down by taking out the proponents represents politics at its slimiest.

Keep in mind, I'm not known for defending liberals. But Reid was elected by the voters in his state, and made his way into leadership positions by going through the usual channels that rule in DC. He's been a known quantity for a lot of years. If he doesn't represent the interests of his state, it's up to the electorate to decide that matter.

And so a few folks may be offended by the comments of a Reid -- or a Biden, or years ago, a Lott? OK, that's what that ballot box is for. But a smarter voter is likely to overlook the odd comment from deep left field and take more important things like his track record and political agenda into consideration.

Efforts to homogenize the leadership will ultimately backfire. Better to have living, breathing elected officials with minds and opinions of their own, even if a little offensiveness comes with it. There are enough drones walking around in our society, people who react instead of think, people who are afraid to voice their own opinions and maybe stir the puddin' a little bit. Must we elect these drones, too?

There are lots of reasons to vote against someone like Reid, and the occasional quasi-offensive statement isn't one of them.

###

(OK, let's go to the horse's ... mouth!)

Local donation hoax can still turn into good news

It doesn't sound like it right away, but this could turn into a feelgood story anyway.

Last month, the local Salvation Army received a check for $25,000, and everything looked good so far. Captain Anthony Guliana said the check came with a note on the letterhead of a large company here in town, saying the company (Force Protection, which makes military vehicles) had a good year and wished to share its good fortune. The check was taken to the bank, deposited, and the Sally went to work feeding families and dispensing toys for Christmas.

Then a couple of days before Christmas came the bad news. The check was bogus, drawn on a closed account. The letter was a forgery, and the Salvation Army was stuck with a large bill.

This made national news, with the Chalotte Observer and L.A. Times picking up on it.

Meanwhile, Force Protection -- where times have really been lean the past 18 months, with cutbacks and layoffs -- says the incident is little more than a smear campaign against the company.

It appears several other of these rubbery checks were sent to other charitable organizations, including $10,000 to a local church. I tell you, there's a special section reserved in Hell for folks like that.

Now, it would be a real PR coup for Force Protection to honor these checks, but it's not their responsibility. Understand, this whole incident was little more than a case of stolen identity, and I wouldn't expect them to step up to the plate any more than I would expect anyone else to cover for checks written if his own identity is stolen. And, as I mentioned, business for Force Protection really laid an egg during this recession. So that scenario is probably out.

The story ran on The Morning Buzz, a local talk radio show hosted by Richard Todd, and here's where things start looking better.

One caller, who is a member of the motorcyclists' organization ABATE, offered to make a donation and challenged other local bikers to do the same.

A firefighter in North Charleston said he was going to donate, and asked all other firefighters to pass the hat. Ditto with a local minister, a professional driver, the owner of a carpet cleaning company, and an Avon representative. All of these people likewise challenged all others in their occupational groups to open their wallets.

And that's just the folks who went public on one radio show, in just a couple of hours of airtime. You know people around the Loucountry are a) digging deep and b) taking a few verbal shots at the anonymous person who sent out these bogus checks. Recession or not, people are pitching in.

See, despite our own every-man-for-himself natures, people can be okay after all.

###

Hey y'all, watch this! (Part 6,397)

Ooooh, man, this is definitely one of those don't-try-this-at-home situations.

I wonder if he had some of what Sen. Max Bacchus is having?

###

Maybe we should call him 'Max Bacchus'

What a performance! And this is one of the guys who makes your laws.

An old scam takes a new, homegrown tack

[DISCLAIMER: I don't like to cross-post articles among two blogs -- better to run a teaser -- but the editorial board (me, myself, and moi) decided the subject matter warranted it. But you'll also find this in The Workbench, Reloaded.]

You've probably seen this scenario in your email box a few times. Someone has lots of money they can't get to, and wants your help in securing it. Just send a reply, and that'll start the wheels turning.

But these can be sniffed out a mile away. They're usually from someone in Nigeria, or some other third-world country.

I received another one of these scam notes in my email, with a different angle to it. Instead of someone claiming royal blood in some country most people can't find on a map, this one looks all-American. Like, from a U.S. serviceman:

"I am Capt. Bruce Evan Roberts, with the US Navy Joint Special Operations,USS COLORADO around Gulf of Aden, I have $9Million US Dollars in my possession,which was seized/confiscated from somalia pirates between Yemen and Somalia Waters in Gulf of Aden, we want to move the funds out of the USS COLORADO around Gulf of Aden to a secure location to enable you assist us in investing it in a profit oriented business."

And here's the pitch:

"I need someone I can trust to actualize this venture, you will receive this funds through a secured US Military Delivery Freight duly authorized/legalize by Middle East Regional Command. The funds would be kept for us safely by you until I am discharge of my duties here in the USS COLORADO around Gulf of Aden by January 2010. Do respond back to me indicating your response so I can further discussions with you on the safe movement of the funds out of here and how much commission you shall be entitled to from the $9Million. Please do respond to my personal e-mail: brucerobertss@hotmail.co.uk ..."

A couple of obvious red flags. The letter did not come from his personal email box, but from mr.frankies@att.net -- and it's sent to "undisclosed recipients." Even inspecting the source HTML code of the letter doesn't provide any more information than that.

And then, the gist of the letter was enough of a warning. My personal bullscat detector, well, the needle was buried in the red.

Hey, uh, Captain Bruce, baby (if that's who you are). I'd like to extend the same advice I once offered in an online forum after someone responded to my opinions by flaming my shorts off: You just might want to check to see if your identity has been stolen lately. Some jerkface is using your name.

As for y'all email recipients, it goes like this. Despite the American-as-pizza-pie, score-one-for-our-country trappings in the letter, treat it the same as when some Nigerian gazillionaire or Moroccan princess or Venezuelan dictator offers a share in the booty via email. To wit:

See that key on the upper right of your keyboard, the one marked DEL over there? Yeah, that one. It's made for emails like that. Use it with extreme prejudice.

Supporting our troops doesn't include falling into some scam that's using the name of one of our servicemen.

###

GOP trying to restrain its rogue elephants

I don't know if they're trying to clean up the party or just pass around the Kool-Aid, but the GOP is trying to cull those who aren't "one of them" from those who are.

Understandable, because the John McCains and Lindsey Grahams of this world are, well, they dress like Republicans but few are really sure who they are.

Future candidates may have a litmus test to determine where they're coming from, and the gold standard by which Republicans may be judged is none other than Ronald Reagan. The party drafted 10 questions to ask each candidate during the vetting process, and a failing grade (in this case fewer than eight out the 10 questions) is likely to cost them funding and endorsements.

Guys like McCain and Graham (who represents South Carolina in the Senate) are sure failures in the political quiz. As are a majority of the party's office holders, I'll wager. But Graham in particular is being branded as a RINO, Republican In Name Only, for his stances on health care and illegal immigration.

Which makes sense on the surface, but the party may be shooting itself in the foot here. Columnist Kathleen Parker calls the litmus test a "suicide pact."

The ultralib Daily Kos is having fun with this one, and one of its writers, in a tongue-in-cheek article, suggested its own litmus test for Democrats:

... out of pure bullet-point envy, I propose that Democrats must also have their own list. Ten litmus tests which every potential Democratic candidate should be able to ace before they ever hope to put (D) after their names. In fact, I'll go so far as to be more pure than the Republicans. If you can't pass every one of these tests, don't bother to sign on ...

Some of the Kos points include:

... (1) We support the rights extended to Americans extended under the Constitution. All the rights. For all Americans ...

I can't say I recollect the Democrats ever being all fired-up over the Constitution, but that's a separate rant. Let's move on:

... (5) We support American business, and recognize that an unregulated market is an unfair market, an unstable market, and a market doomed to failure ...

I'm trying to ignore the contradiction in that statement. To continue:

... (9) We believe that access to our government is not for sale. Not in the courthouse, not in the White House, and not in the legislature ...

Two words for y'all: BILL CLINTON! As in, Lincoln Bedroom. Remember?

To be sure, the conservative (Reagan) wing of the party really didn't have any muscles to flex until 1980. Before that, Barry Goldwater was the lone "real" conservative in a party that would surely flunk the litmus test today. And Goldwater was considered dangerous, a bomb-thrower, and not politically correct anyway. But after Reagan, there were few "real" conservatives to be had in the party -- surely not Bush Sr. or Jr. You'd have to drill deep among the also-rans in the 2008 primary to find one in Mike Huckabee, and even he's a little suspect.

To look at the GOP's history over the past 50 years, Reagan was the aberration. The party itself, well, it was hard to tell them from the other guys a lot of the time.

While it's nice to develop some sense of unity and identity, it's a real mistake to treat the party as a private club. In all its attempts to seek definition, the party will completely kiss off all the independents who are a better fit on that side of the two-party system. While they're about it, they might as well save time and concede the 2010 and 2012 elections right now. The party's in serious trouble right now; you don't fix that by narrowing your scope.

Let's say (purely hypothetical here; there's no way I'd even consider doing such a thing -- I'm already considered a loose cannon in some circles) I decided to run for Congress. Let's say it'll be in one of those nonexistent districts that were created by the recovery.gov website in the stimulus. There's no way I'm gonna pass that litmus test, though my politics are certainly closer to the Republicans than the Democrats. So I might as well forget about funding, endorsements, etc. The GOP wants a Reagan clone, and that ain't me.

See, I told you this is a stupid scenario.

More intelligent (now that's a stretch) voters are more likely to look at the candidate instead of the party. Anyone who goes into the booth on election day and chooses his candidate solely by the presence of a "D" or "R" beside the name isn't smart enough to vote anyway.

I've suggested this before. The two-party system is one of those things that was a real good idea at the time, outlived its usefulness, and is still hanging around searching for relevance. Sort of like the electoral college.

OK. So who's an elephant these days? And who's a RINO?

Eleph-ino.

###

They Vote & Reproduce: The call was free, anyway

Somehow I keep flashing back to that great Ray Stevens song, "It's Me Again Margaret," about the obscene phone caller who got arrested and used his one phone call to do some more heavy breathing. But this one's real.

A 29-year-old named Joshua Basso placed his obscene phone call to ... the 911 dispatch center in Tampa, Florida. Repeatedly. He made sexual comments to the dispatcher and asked if he could come by for sex.

From the Associated Press:

Tampa police said 29-year-old Joshua Basso made sexual comments to the 911 dispatcher and asked if he could come to her house. Investigators say she hung up, but he called back four more times ... he was arrested about 15 minutes later at his home late Wednesday and charged with making a false 911 call. Basso reportedly told officers that he didn't think he would get in trouble for calling 911.

Was the dispatcher that drop-dead hot?

Doesn't matter. Basso said he called 911 because ... he ran out of minutes on his cell phone, and the emergency number was the only one he could call.

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Strippermobile too much for Sin City

Anything goes in Vegas, it's said. Anything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Think about it. Gambling has been Vegas' calling card for nearly a century. Quickie weddings and divorces used to be a cottage industry. Prostitution, while illegal in Clark County (unlike the rest of the state) was winked at regardless. Casinos were ruled by a bunch of guys with last names ending in vowels, and now they're run by giant corporations. Jerry Tarkanian coached the local college basketball team for many years. I tell you, Vegas is a whole different world.

So, something would have to be totally outrageous to offend the citizens of Sin City.

Like hauling strippers around to advertise a club. This is from Newser:

A Las Vegas strip club has agreed to stop an advertising promotion that involved hauling bikini-clad exotic dancers around in a truck. Larry Beard, marketing director of Déjà Vu Showgirls, said today he's taking his lawyer's advice and parking the truck. "We're going to respect the opinion of the folks...

Hey, the town has a reputation to uphold.

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Woman runs charade for plastic surgery

What a lot of women wouldn't do for a statuesque figure ... Trista Joy Lathern from Texas went so far as to pose as a breast cancer victim.

It worked, for a while. She raised more than $10,000 for breast cancer treatment, then spent $6,800 of it for a boob job.

Except she didn't have breast cancer. And her efforts may get her jail time for a charge of theft by deception.

Got to give Lathern credit for great acting, or at least for trying. To match her story that she was getting chemotherapy, she shaved her head.

MSNBC has the story.

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Throwing race bait to Boeing: Will company bite?

OK. Boeing recently announced they were going to build a plant here in North Charleston. Probably the biggest economic news since ... well, since I've been here.

Now, state Sen. Robert Ford is playing the race card, making sure Boeing is an equal opportunity employer and all that. From the Post & Courier:

COLUMBIA -- The South Carolina Legislative Black Caucus won't push for unions at Boeing's planned 787 Dreamliner facility in North Charleston, but the state legislators will do all they can to make sure the state's minorities have a fair shot at the new jobs the aeronautics giant will create, Sen. Robert Ford said Monday.

Ford, on behalf of the caucus' 39 legislative members, wrote a letter to Boeing's president Jim McNerney on Oct. 30 to ask for information about the company's hiring practices and its race and gender breakdown ...

Got that?

Now, Boeing is a big company, a highly specialized company. I don't think they really give a rip about what the job applicant looks like. The question is, can this guy do the job? Will he be an asset or liability to the company?

Boeing exercised faith in this area, throwing the dice that the folks here are not just a bunch of backward country boys. I hope McNerney doesn't think everyone else here is as big an idiot as Sen. Ford.

They vote and reproduce: He didn't want the bench warrant

So Samuel George Botchvaroff of Oakland, California needed to make it to his court appearance and had no way to get there, so ...

... he stole a car to go to court.

Obviously, not a smart man. But it seemed like a good idea at the time. He was facing a heavy charge in court -- auto theft.

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Officer? This is (ralph). Someone stole my pot ...

Calvin Hoover, a 21-year-old from Salem, Oregon had been drinking in a bar when he called the police. Seems a few items were stolen from his car:

- $400 in cash ...
- a jacket ...
- and three-quarters of an ounce of marijuana.

He called from the bar and waited for deputies to show up. Then got in the car, started driving, and called 911 again to complain. Police dispatchers said he was difficult to understand on the phone ...

... partly because while making the call, he stopped several times to vomit on the road.

According to the Statesman Journal, the responding officer took a theft report and gave Hoover a stern lecture about the implications of carrying marijuana. , and he probably didn't get his weed back. Hoover was also arrested for driving under the influence.

And he probably didn't get his bag of pot back, either.

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